i feel like the only one ...

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  1. Im struggling with being a new first time mum. I love my little girl but i cant help thinking that i just cant do this.
    Im the type of person who wants to figure stuff out and solve problems - Eva has silent reflux and is now on medication but the thickener she's having that helps is causing her gas pain every night.
    Im doing my head in cause i cant find the 'solution' ... i cant find what can help her not be in pain.
    I feel like such a joke - a total failure ... i had a really successful career which was fast paced, very stressful - i could manage that. This 7 week old child - i cant manage at all.

    I have a wonderful supportive husband and my mum is helping me ... but even thats not enough ...

    :tdown::crybaby:
     
  2. mj, I know the feeling. There were days that I felt like I couldn't do anything right. I think it is part of being a first time mom. There are still days that I feel like I am drowning and that I don't know how we are going to make it out of this stage alive. For the gas have you tried mylicon gas drops or something similar. Edmund has severe gas due to his cleft lip and palate and the mylicon has been a life saver.

    It will get better, I promise. We are always here if you need to vent. You can always PM me if you feel like talking privately.
     
  3. My son was colicky for over a year, it was terrible! I was exhausted and stressed and totally not enjoying motherhood. But then he'd be all cute and adorable, it really helped get me through the sleepless nights.

    Try putting him facedown on your knees (sit with your knees together), and stroke his back. Or put him in a baby carrier (with him in front but facing you), and walk with him till he falls asleep, then just unclip the carrier from yourself and let him sleep in it. It's hard, but you can do it! If it gets too much, just put her down somewhere safe and walk away. Take a deep breath, and steady yourself, then go back in. Or see if you can get someone to relieve you at least once a week so you take some time for yourself. You'll get through this, it does get better!
     
  4. I know this sounds simple but someone w/ 3 kids once told me, everything is a stage and you just need to think, "this too shall pass". you will get through this.
     
  5. This is true (having had 4, I know), even though it doesn't seem to help. Being a new mom is hard, and being a first time mom is even harder, no matter how much help and support you have. I was always stressed and overwhelmed at first.

    Don't be so hard on yourself and (I know it's hard) try to relax, especially when you are holding the baby. I swear they can sense the stress and it makes the situation worse.

    I am sure you are doing a great job. Best wishes.
     
  6. Mj, I'm sorry you're having a hard time! I bet you're doing a fantastic job. It seems that motherhood is especially hard when your child is sick and you can't easily make the pain go away. It's great you have help but watch for signs of pp depression as you may need to get some professional help for that.
     
  7. You are definitely not the only one. I had that when DS was born. We spent weeks thinking he had gas or colic or something that made him cry for hours every evening. I have memories of having a total breakdown over spilling a bottle, or over being thrown up on for the fourth time that day. It can all feel overwhelming, and it's hard not to beat yourself up over feeling that way. There's this weird belief that we're supposed to just know what to do, and that's not really the way it is.

    Can you find a new moms' group? There was one by me organized by baby's age (3-6 m, 6-9 m, etc.) It was a lifesaver, since I think someone cried in there every single week and we knew we were not alone. I am still friends with a lot of the women from that group, over three years later. Not all the groups are like that -- some of them tend to put a happy face on things -- but try a couple until you find one where you fit, or where you at least click with a couple of people.

    As far as the discomfort, our son's "gas pain" turned out to be just evening fussiness. We started swaddling him tightly and putting him in the vibrating chair, and he did great. Before that we'd spend hours every night dancing around the kitchen with him. Maybe try different things like the swing, the chair, rocking, etc. And as others said, remember that she will grow out of it, hopefully sooner rather than later.
     
  8. It's okay to feel that way girl, I remember spending a lot of time crying with my first. It is definitely hard but it will pass. I agree about finding a mom's group or talking with another mom who has a baby about the same age as yours. That way you can vent to each other and know that you are not alone. Hope things get better soon.
     
  9. Ah, I'm sorry you are feeling that way... It can be such a lonely job...! I'm lucky my little man is a gem but he's my 4th..
    I remember on first .. 13 years ago crying she took 6 weeks to get the hang of breast feeding and at 9 weeks she was in hospital with pnuemonia .. If your baby is crying and it's upsetting you leave her with your dh and go to the shop and get a magazine etc... You will feel like a human..!!! It's true this time shall pass and I promise you will forget...! Hugs..
     
  10. Oh mjlover, it will get better!
    DD was a really tough baby. She had an underdeveloped larynx which caused reflux. The first few months were really, really hard. I took a year leave of absence from work and was wondering what in the world I had been thinking. By four months, things had gotten so much better, five even better than that, and by six she was a different baby.
    DH was really helpful by letting me get out a little bit. It helped to run out and get a pedicure or grab a cup of coffee.
    Big hugs your way!!
     
  11. it will get better! :hugs:
     
  12. Thank you gals so much ... i had a total breakdown yesterday - cried all day, slept for the rest of it. DH took Eva and brought her to me when she needed feeding/medication.
    I took charge a bit more late last night, and basically we had a good night (feeding every 3 hrs and sleeping between those) so i feel like i had a bit of a win.

    You're right about finding a mother's group - the reason why i havent up till now is that i had a haemorridge after i gave birth and lost a litre of blood ... it totally messed me up - i coudnt walk more than 5 min. And the closest mother's group is abut a half hour walk which normally wouldnt be a prob (i dont drive) ... so now i feel better and DH has said he will come home from work to drop us off and then ill just put her in the Beco and walk home.

    Im scared that ill get there and she'll just cry and cry. Its not easy for me to just put her on the boob because i have to give her thickener before each feed ...

    Anyway - i have to do it otherwise ill miss the boat!
    When did you all find it got 'better' ... emotionally ... 12 weeks? Before?
     
  13. The benefit of other mothers around and in your sight is that they will take her, hold her, and rock her for you too. You never know, your little one may be an angel compared to others. :smile:
     
  14. The 2 gadgets that helped me the most, were the fisher price swing, and also the fisher price vibrating chair. When my babies did not stop crying after everything I'd tried, I would turn to these 2 items and they helped me. Very soothing. And you can do this! It gets easier!
     
  15. aww :hugs: im sure you are doing all you can, and hopefully the fussiness will end soon! i hope eva feels better soon, now that the reflux has been identified and she is taking the proper meds for it.