I don't know what to do

#16
^^^He "jokingly" comments that he's being treated badly??!!:wtf: I'd be tempted to throw his things out the window right then! I hope you two can stick to a deadline and show him that you are no longer going to be used by him. Loving a relative doesn't mean you have to be a doormat--in fact your bf is doing him no favors by delaying him standing on his own two feet.

Best wishes--I have a feeling you will need it to get this slacker out of your home.:flowers:
 
#19
Boxermom - I know, unbelievable! That was the last straw for my BF. To disrespect us in our own home in front of one of his friends. The big picture unfortunately is that my BF is seeing that his relationship with his brother needs major work. I figure better now than later.

Kathyrose - Thank you, sweetie! Not exactly an ideal situation.

Twinkle.tink - Thank you and after that comment he made last night, that date is going to stick.
 
#20
Good...at least there's a date or some sort of deadline/boundary! I agree with boxermom...he's not getting any favors if he's being delayed from standing on his own two feet. Has he been on his own before, if you don't mind my asking, and just in a temporary jam? Or is this is first time being independent and he's just unsure how to begin?

I'm all for helping out family, but without some sort of agreement (hopefully discussed AHEAD of time before moving in) about how long the stay is going to be and what the expectations are, it's just going to stink with each day that passes. Bravo to you for being such a trooper.
 
#21
^Aw thank you pursegrrl :love:. To answer your question, yes he lived on his own before, which is actually what he was doing before he moved in with us. He was getting his bachelors degree in another state. So he's really not in any sort of jam. He just needed at little help and we did that from the beginning but now he's starting to wear out his welcome, big time.

I too, am all for supporting family, but you don't take advantage of their generosity. I think my BF's parent's are seeing that things should've been done different from the beginning and even now they really aren't stepping in. To be completely honest they are defending his brother, which is probably why the brother is the way he is. A spoiled child doesn't think he's doing anything wrong if you continue to allow it. :cursing:
 
#22
The big picture unfortunately is that my BF is seeing that his relationship with his brother needs major work.
Click to expand...

Good. Now all you have to do, and it will be hard, is distance yourself from the situation between them as much as you can. Certainly listen to your BF, sympathize, be open with HIM, but when the two of you are not alone, just let the thing take its course. It will almost certainly become unpleasant, but it does not have anything to do with you, and the main thing you want to do is do or say nothing in the brother's presence that can give any of them, now or in the future, any reason to say that you had anything to do with what will undoubtedly escalate into a brother against brother "fight."

Because no matter how awful your BF feels now, or how justified his anger at his brother is and will be, it's still his brother, you are all I think very young, just starting your adult lives, and the brothers will eventually "make up" and this whole period will be a joke in 50 years.

And you don't know yet for sure that you will not be sitting there laughing with them, your old gray headed husband, and the man who will by that time be also YOUR old gray headed brother. (You, of course, will color your hair, and it will look fabulous)
 
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