i am really sad.....

#17
Maybe you should explain to him that every woman deserves a treat once in a while, especially since you can't do much because of your visa status. Just really sit down and talk to him about this. Because it seems like a SERIOUS issue that he needs to resolve. I don't want to sound trite, selfish or greedy, but we're women, and part of being a woman is enjoying gifts and luxuries. It's what makes us who we are, and he needs to understand and respect that. My :heart: hurts for you!
 
#18
Stophle said:
Wow, that sucks.

What is it with some men?? They're so thoughtless sometimes. My boyfriend is awful with money. I didn't know this until I moved here to be with him. Thankfully, he let me take over the finances and I'm slowly getting him out of debt, but it's been a struggle. For Christmas, my birthday, and Valentine's Day he didn't get me a damned thing. No card, no flower, no going out, no nothing. He did email me a poem he found online for Vday, but that's it.

I know it seems greedy, the whole "wanting a gift" thing, but you know what? It really is the thought that counts, and when there's not even an attempt at a gift, it shows no thought at all, which is why it sucks.

Sweetie, is your husband the kind of man who you can talk to about your problems? Does he listen? If so, then I think you should tell him that when he doesn't give you anything on those special days, it makes you feel bad and like he doesn't care. (or however it does make you feel.) If he continues, I think eventually you will grow to resent it, I know I have, and that won't be good for the relationship. I think it's perfectly okay to ask him to get you gifts in the future on holidays and your birthday. It isn't being greedy and the gifts don't have to be expensive, just something to show he put at least a little thought or effort into it.
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Stophle: What's ironic too is that I totally agree with you. Unfortunately I used to have a boyfriend who bought me stuff all the time to try to buy me off and I always said that I wanted a man who wouldn't buy me off but who would put thought and love into the things he did for me. My fiancee now (obviously not the buy-me-off guy), in lieu of getting me a birthday gift this year, made me my favorite breakfast in bed this year for my birthday-- better than any material gift I could have gotten. Perhaps this guy shows his affection to Angel in that way, but still, I question this whole deal. :sad:
 
#19
this is random and off topic.. I wonder if you know my cousin.. she's originally from Manila too but she went to school in Lansing, MI.. I think she's actually still there taking her masters..

Anyways, I'm sorry about your birthday. I hope that you'll get what you want sooner than later :yes:
 
#20
Wow, your situation remind me of my cousins that have come over here (the USA) through arranged marriages and their husbands treat them badly...I pray that you are not similarly situated.
Happy belated birthday to you.
As for the visa status, if I were you, I would do everything to become a US citizen/greencard holder as soon as possible and obtain a job so that I could stand on my own feet.
 
#22
I am so sorry about him being like this...

my DH at first wasnt into gifts and he saw how unhappy that made me and he changed fast! I'm a housewife too and while he's taken over the banking because i'm HORRIBLE with numbers, we are still compltely 50/50. I dont have to ask for permission to buy something, just let him know so that we can make sure we have enough money in our budget...and he definently shows his appreciation more.

I say you better let him know that this is an equal marriage, his money is your money. Your money is his money. Everything for each other (and if u have kids obviously for them...)

good luck!
 
#24
HauteMama said:
If you guys have the money to spend, it is entirely inappropriate for you to face any sort of "punishment" for buying something you want. Regardless of whether you work or not, his earnings are family money and not HIS money.

And I find it inexcusable that he didn't buy you a gift (unless finances are very tight and you two agreed not to do gifts for a while). That is so inconsiderate.

I think you may need to have a discussion with him about how he treats you in general, as it sounds like he acts like you are a second-class citizen because you are not working. I'd be livid.
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ITA
 
#25
QueenOfDa702 said:
My best friends husband is like that. She doesn't get ANYTHING for birthdays, mothers day, anniversary, Christmas, Etc.. and when I say nothing I mean...NOT EVEN A CARD!!!
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OMG, that's unbearable! No way is he perfect, but that's one thing I like about my BF: he gives gifts. Generally very nice ones, and or things I really want or need! This will be our third Mother's Day as a couple, and even though he and I don't have any children, he still gets me a gift, only it's "from the dog!" Not that I think he should buy me things all the time or whenever I want, but a thoughtful, considerate, appropriately-giving personality is a must-have for me. I never even thought this way before I got with him, as previous boyfriends weren't really the same way, but from now on it will be a prerequisite for a guy to be as giving!
 
#26
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY, ANGEL!!! :party:

Not giving you money or presents is a punishment for your visa status?? Something YOU have no control over??? Not much sense. Having lost my job last month I know how it feels to be tight with $$$. But we NEVER let that ruin special occasions or not treat ourselves to some things we really love/want/need. We cut back on other things, like dining out everyday. BTW, I LOVE Olive Garden. Too bad we don't have any...
 
#27
Happy Belated Birthday!! I'm sorry your husband is like this. It's something that I don't understand. What does your visa status have to do with this??

My grandfather never bought my grandmother anything gift related, until his very last year. He bought her a pair of sapphire earrings. She cried with joy that night. I hope it doesn't take him as long as it took my grandfather. Hang in there, sweetie. Some guys are just clueless.
 
#28
Happy belated birthday! I am very sorry that you didn't get a gift. Is there a reason he doesn't get you a gift? If finances are tight, that is understandable. I hope he shows you that he cares, though, and that you don't feel afraid or that you are being "punished." I hope you have an equal relationship and you feel happy to be with him and not trapped in that you cannot have an understanding conversation with him, or feel like he doesn't acknowledge how special you are! If you don't feel good about how he is treating you, you need to have a serious conversation and evaluate what you really want with your relationship.
 
#29
caxe said:
OMG, that's unbearable! No way is he perfect, but that's one thing I like about my BF: he gives gifts. Generally very nice ones, and or things I really want or need! This will be our third Mother's Day as a couple, and even though he and I don't have any children, he still gets me a gift, only it's "from the dog!" Not that I think he should buy me things all the time or whenever I want, but a thoughtful, considerate, appropriately-giving personality is a must-have for me. I never even thought this way before I got with him, as previous boyfriends weren't really the same way, but from now on it will be a prerequisite for a guy to be as giving!
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Aww, that is so cute and sweet of your boyfriend! What a thoughtful guy!
 
#30
happy belated birthday!! :party: I'm not sure why your husband thinks that a "housewife" is not inclined to any birthday gifts??? :shrugs: I'm sure you work your butt off in the house all day every day, and if THAT doesn't deserve a present, I don't know what does??!
Sending you best wishes! :heart:
 
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