How would you react to a horrendous coworker like this?

Adore

Adore

"BLONDIE"
Sep 17, 2006
1,695
1
#1
I work with this guy who is unlike anyone I have ever met. He is so egotistical, can talk about himself on and on for hours, and openly (although doesn't outright say it) thinks he's better than everyone else.

Every time I open my mouth he shoots me down and basically tells me I'm stupid. Like I explain something perfectly clearly and he'll be like "I'm sorry, what? I've never heard of that before," and it's something ridiculously simple, and tell me it's stupid or make this grunt that means I'm an idiot, or he'll -pretend- to not hear me so I have to REPEAT myself, and then he will pretend it doesn't make sense. It's all an act.

I love my new job and I have no issues with my other coworkers. They are like a family and have known eachother for like 10 years. It's not like a regular workplace where I can pull my boss aside or anything... it's totally different.

I have even told him he is the ONLY person who talks to me like that and so it's obviously HIM and not me. We aren't bitter to eachother non stop, he's just a complete weirdo, I don't even know what his problem is.

But I really can't stand it. It's like I have a knot in my stomach all day long every day, I can't stand it. I don't want to leave my job but I don't know what to do to avoid his ridiculous VICIOUS attitude. If I even come back at him he is VICIOUS, he can't take it. He'll say any stupid thing to shoot the negative attention back at me.

I ignore him and this does nothing. I don't know WHAT in the world I should do. There's more details but I am afraid of this getting too lengthy if they are not necessary.

Anyway, I don't know WHO to ask this to... I'm hoping someone here knows a thing or two about human behavior or SOMETHING, anything I can do to avoid him treating me this way. I'm so afraid there's nothing I can really do, uuugghhhhhh I can't take it.
He thinks he is God, I'm so serious here.
 
#2
Well, I think that I know a thing or two about human behavior. You cannot change the way he talks to you. It is impossible. You can, however, change your reaction to how he treats you or how he behaves. Or, you can choose to leave your job. If I were you I would pick option one, to start changing your response to him. This will not be easy. It is like learning a new language, it takes practice, discipline, courage and time. However, like many others have learned, there will always be the "horrible co-worker". If you learn to conquer this now, it will be easier in the future. Good luck.
 
#3
That is so true, my last job the people I worked with were horrible on an entirely different level. I feel like aside from him my workplace is so perfect, and it's so disappointing!

What do you think I should say? For example, his biggest thing is pretending to not hear me or acting like what I have said is absurd (and I know it's not, absolutely not). I keep a smile and say jokingly but seriously respond to him and repeat myself and say no that's not stupid, etc. I suppose that is kind of feeding into it. He drives me up the wall =\
 
#4
At my work, I am actually the manager and I have someone that acts like this. My managing skills are not perfected, as I am rather new at this, so I have no idea how to get some control. It's sad that one horrible person can ruin a workplace. I feel you and I hope you end up finding some solution!
 
#5
I agree with Irishgal that since you will never change him, you should change how you respond (or not!) to his nonsense. He obviously enjoys putting you down and maybe even gets some sort of 'power trip' when he does it and when pretending not to hear you when you defend yourself to him. I say don't waste your breath even trying to defend yourself to this loser!!

Next time he says something mean and condescending, act like you didn't hear him. Or just act like you don't care, just say "mmmmm-hmmmm" and ignore him.

Once he realizes you're not putting up with his crap anymore and he's not able to get under your skin, he'll likely leave you alone and move onto the next person he thinks he can intimidate.

Good luck and let us know how it works out!!
 
#6
i know how you feel as i have several people in my life who act this way

all i can do is mediate & try to remain free of anger or hate

try to think & act to them as though they were a child or a disabled person...people like this have serious mental issues and really, you & I are lucky we're not like that, they're sick..
try to feel pity for him, he's pathetic & most likely feels threatened by you or is jealous of you..
but in these people's mind they cant accept those feelings, they twist it in their minds to make themselves feel better..they tell themselves they are the greatest, a genius, better than others...they're huge ego helps them deal with their inadequecies and issues

the people with the biggest issues act out the worst & it drives people like us crazy bc they're trying to impose they "twisted reality" on us & its not what is reality at all so its kind of maddening

can you avoid him and just remain very detached? talk to him as you would a mentally ill person, brief answers, brevity in contact, things like that?
 
#7
I've worked with several people who are like this. What I've done is turn it into a game for me. One guy I worked with was always trying to get me mad at him and to react. So I started being very bland and non-reactive to everything he said. If he asked me if I was going to finish something. I would smile and say, "Probably." Ironically, it would frustrate him more that I wasn't reacting.

Another person I worked with recently was always trying to stir up trouble for me with the Supervisor or co-workers. Again, I did the non-reactive thing. Eventually he moved on, got himself in trouble and got moved out of the area to another department.

I've also found that if you give this people enough rope, they will hang themselves. If you treat it as a game and base your reactions accordingly, you can laugh to yourself about this jerks spinning themselves in circles trying to get you wound up.
 
#8
Maybe he really hasn't heard of what you're saying before-- translation: he's stupid! I work with someone very similar, and I KNOW it's not me- he's just DUMB!! I've thought about leaving myself, but I can't let him "win"- silly, I know...
 
#9
No, he can totally hear me, he just does it to be annoying. He'll say it super fast and be like "what, I didn't hear you. No really, what did you say." and he'll say it with such attitude.

It is so annoying because even when I just ignore him he will say "she's pissed!" just to make it so I can't NOT say anything. I will still not say anything when his actions allow me to but it's like you can't win. He's just so annoying... nothing that you say is a big deal. Nothing you like is special. Anything you do you should have done differently.
He likes to think he regulates people.

My coworkers are all like family... and nobody else is bothered by him but I don't dare bring it up. I just can't believe it, like anything I say his face will light up and he'll laugh and say "what??" and just be so ridiculous. I really do think he needs to know he is NOT a big deal. That HE is NOT a big deal. And it's so hard, he makes it so you can't win.
 
#10
^^ Maybe you could try talking to him in only a loud, very slow voice all the time. If he comments on it, just mention that he was having a hard time understanding you before and you thought you would make it easier for him to hear you!
 
#11
Thanks so much for the advice you guys. It's so hard dealing with people like this (and this guy for me is an absolute FIRST, I have never in my whole entire life met someone like this) and I'm sorry some of you work with similar personalities to his!!

I will try out being more unresponsive and unfazed and not feed into it this week and hopefully something will change.
 
#12
Adore said:
Thanks so much for the advice you guys. It's so hard dealing with people like this (and this guy for me is an absolute FIRST, I have never in my whole entire life met someone like this) and I'm sorry some of you work with similar personalities to his!!

I will try out being more unresponsive and unfazed and not feed into it this week and hopefully something will change.
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I definately recommend this. If you can do it with a little one eyebrow raised, "you amuse me" smile, even better. He is looking for a reaction from you. If you don't give him one he will eventually get tired of baiting you and find someone else to annoy. But, I have to warn you, expect him to up the ante for a little while because he will still be looking for a reaction.
 
#13
Adore said:
No, he can totally hear me, he just does it to be annoying. He'll say it super fast and be like "what, I didn't hear you. No really, what did you say." and he'll say it with such attitude.
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Maybe say, "I really hate repeating myself over and over again, so next time I say something, please pay attention" and leave it at that (instead of repeating yourself). And yeah, if you have to talk to him, talk very slowly and clearly and make sure you have eye contact, and if he says something about it tell him that you figured he had a hearing problem or something, since he can never seem to hear or understand what you're saying. Make sure you don't show any annoyance, either. Kill him with kindness.
 
#14
Never let him know how much he gets under your skin. That will only fuel his fire. The others in the office probably went through this too and he has 'learned' they won't put up with his crap. So, he's targetting you. Don't take the bait; be uber professional as you would with anyone else.

There are always going to be trolls, turds, back stabbers and jerks in any work environment. That goes for clients as well as co-workers. As you learn how to react or not react to these behaviors you'll be better equipped to deal with it and be able to spot 'em in your next job(s).

Good luck and let us know how it goes next week!
 
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