Workplace How would you react if your boss yelled at you

[KAOTIC]

I yelled right back at his a$$.

What I don't do is tolerate workplace disrespect. I don't give a darn about your temper, personality, the whole playing "the game" in corporate america, etc. Been there, done that. And no, I'm not the loudmouth chick, with her hand on her hip, neck rolling, finger in the air type of chick either. I just demand the same respect I give you.

We were in a meeting discussing the details of my separation from the company. It's a small agency owned by him, so there's really no real HR to back the employees.

He was REALLY upset at my leaving and he HATED that I yelled at him and told me to leave. I asked him "For what?" He said "You're being disrespectful!" I asked him had he been smoking crack before he came in the meeting because he had to have been yelling at me like I was his child. (By the way, he IS a former crackhead turned social worker so I know that struck a nerve) I didn't care at that point, becauase I knew I wasn't going to be back working there NOR using them as a future reference.

At any rate, I told him to "make me leave" and he didn't do a darn thing but sit there and do nothing. There was another person in the room to witness the meeting, so he both suggested we calm down and reconvene. After we regrouped, I told him what I wanted, why I was leaving, what my issues were that contricuted to my leaving, the details of my severance, etc.

He apologized and said he had NEVER had anyone yell back at him. I told him you treat your employees the way you want to be treated. They are not your children to yell at. I told him that was part of the problem at the company.

He wanted to make itmore family oriented, even though he doesn't have family who works for him. I told him "If you want your agency to be a respected agency, you HAVE to keep things professional at all times. Stop treating these people like your family. This is a business you are running, treat it as such."

I walked out of there with my severance check in hand, went STRAIGHT to the bank to cash it and haven't looked back.

 

[ILuvShopping]

my boss is like this, although she's A LOT better now. but for a few years she was a completely psycho, last year being the WORST. thankfully she doesn't do it much to me, but when she raises her voice to me i tend to raise mine back to her. i used to try and deflect it... or just let her do what she needed to do and stay out of her way the rest of the day. although she's the type to yell at you and then 5 min later try to be your best friend.

and then she had the nerve to tell me in my review that she doesn't get upset at us lol

 

[Jennifer_C]

I'm curious to know from responders and from OP, what is the size of the company you work for? In my experience, this really plays a large part in the definition of "appropriate response", strange and unfair as it may seem. To a lesser extent, what is the nature of your work/company/field?... I've worked in companies and firms of varying sizes and know first hand how one company culture's "appropriate" is completely different than another's.

I agree it's really about the corporate culture and it varies by company. I've worked for my boss for 13 years in two very different types of companies. The first was medium in size and being cut-throat was well-rewarded. His aggression was more public then. We now work at a large institution where there is much more of an "HR" atmosphere so can't be so obvious.

 

[GlammaGurl]

Keep everything documented for sure.

After a couple of instances (where he yells/bullies YOU), call a meeting with him/her and make an effort to resolve the situation between you two.

Document that as well.

If the behavior still persists, talk to HR in confidence and see if they will act as a mediator.

 

[xobellavidaxo]

I yelled right back at his a$$.

What I don't do is tolerate workplace disrespect. I don't give a darn about your temper, personality, the whole playing "the game" in corporate america, etc. Been there, done that. And no, I'm not the loudmouth chick, with her hand on her hip, neck rolling, finger in the air type of chick either. I just demand the same respect I give you.

We were in a meeting discussing the details of my separation from the company. It's a small agency owned by him, so there's really no real HR to back the employees.

He was REALLY upset at my leaving and he HATED that I yelled at him and told me to leave. I asked him "For what?" He said "You're being disrespectful!" I asked him had he been smoking crack before he came in the meeting because he had to have been yelling at me like I was his child. (By the way, he IS a former crackhead turned social worker so I know that struck a nerve) I didn't care at that point, becauase I knew I wasn't going to be back working there NOR using them as a future reference.

At any rate, I told him to "make me leave" and he didn't do a darn thing but sit there and do nothing. There was another person in the room to witness the meeting, so he both suggested we calm down and reconvene. After we regrouped, I told him what I wanted, why I was leaving, what my issues were that contricuted to my leaving, the details of my severance, etc.

He apologized and said he had NEVER had anyone yell back at him. I told him you treat your employees the way you want to be treated. They are not your children to yell at. I told him that was part of the problem at the company.

He wanted to make itmore family oriented, even though he doesn't have family who works for him. I told him "If you want your agency to be a respected agency, you HAVE to keep things professional at all times. Stop treating these people like your family. This is a business you are running, treat it as such."

I walked out of there with my severance check in hand, went STRAIGHT to the bank to cash it and haven't looked back.

I love it!! good for you!!
I wish I could say the same thing about me I worked for a family business not my family, thank god. Anyway, the owner of this business screamed like a little girl throwing a tantrum, I kid you not, I was soooooo scared when I first heard him screaming at an employee because I could not believe a grown man (60's) could make those sounds. AND he threw a phonebook on the floor!! One day I was called into his office and was completely unprepared for his screaming and tone of voice. I had just walked through the door and he started screaming about an invoice (not my responsibility he should have checked with his payroll employee (wife)) and he almost brought me to tears. Of course after the entire incident, I thought of amazing things that I should have said. I should have stood up for myself and he should have had respect for me as his employee but I didn't do any of those things and I regret it to this day!

 

[xobellavidaxo]

This hasn't happened to me (yet) but I've been victim to some degree.

My boss has a really short fuse. He is "always right" and he won't listen. When he gets like that, he gets quite excited and will get loud. He's not very reasonable when he gets like that.

Today he blew up on a coworker. All day long. He yelled at her so everyone in the office could hear. And each time, it got more tense and louder. He has freaked some people out. Me personally, I don't think I could let him speak to me like that. I'd prefer to quit. My coworker stayed at work to try and appease his request (to fix a report) but she couldn't make him happy. I just talked to her. She has been crying since.

I just know, it's only a matter of time before I get put in a situation like that. He is not hard to get upset. I know myself - I would rather walk away than let someone talk to me like that. Just because you're a boss, doesn't justify you yelling and treating other people like xxxx. I resent that.

How would you/have you reacted in this sort of scenario.

This is exactly how the boss ^^^ from the above post treated people and I was ALWAYS a nervous wreck, TERRIFIED of him, I left after I found out I was preggo because quite frankly I didn't need that kind of stress. I was terrified of being verbally abused from him. I agree with previous posters document everything, he is a bully and needs to be reported.

 

[PropaFly]

The situation you described is a man who got caught in a lie and is acting like a scared animal in a corner...definitely not defending it. All you can do is remain calm, ask questions (Which items need to be changed?) knock out the work and collect a check.

Sometimes you can turn the tables by pointing out that the hysterical behavior isn't helping anyone get to a resolution. When he gets unecessarily angry say...'I know this is an emotional situation and I want to help you to get it resolved. Let's figure out the best way to fix this.'

My current boss has what I call an 'Angry Socratic' speech pattern. He turns red, yells, and asks really uncessarily rude questions trying to lead you into hanging yourself. 'So, do you think you are in over your head?', etc. The angrier they get the calmer I get.

I tend to discourage people going to HR. I have never known HR 'fix' anything...it just turns everything into a melodrama. Several years ago a co-worker actually threw me into a wall. I kicked his a$$. That settled 'King of the Mountain' until he became my boss (of course)...at which time I went to HR and said I couldn't work for a man that throws me into walls and has 6 months of pent up anger from having his a$$ kicked by a girl. That started a whole drama that ended with me being a 'trouble maker', written up repatedly, and I quit within 3 weeks. If the anger is too much, find a new job. My new job was much better and paid a whole lot more.

Also, regarding HR, you already know how this guy acts when backed into a corner...are you ready for the GIANT catfight?

To keep your sanity, remember 'It's not about you'...it's about him being caught in a lie or his small penis, etc. In the workforce, it's not the actual work that is difficult it's managing people so this is part of the job.

Good luck.

 

[lv_forever]

I think it depends. Does he hold grudges? Does he forget about the incident the moment it's no longer critical, or does he keep bringing up past incidents? I think we've all dealt with unreasonable and even abusive bosses to a degree. If he doesn't hold grudges and seems to forget easily, I wouldn't quit my job. I would just not engage him, let him yell or whatever. That's how I've dealt with it in the past and that seemed to work. But I wouldn't put up with someone who yells AND holds grudges and or requires you to engage him. That's too much and not only would I quit, I would write a report. As weird as it sounds, it is much easier to deal with hot-headed boss than 'ice-cold polite in your face calculating' type boss. The latter not only makes your life miserable but could destroy your reputation. Because with the hot-headed boss, everyone knows you're dealing with a difficult personality so whatever happens, it's in your favor.

 

[Kraut]

Just an update, I just found out that he and his wife have separated a few months ago, which is when I started noticing the behavior. She lives in Germany and he's here, they have an 8 year old, and just built a house together before he moved here to fulfill his 3 year contract (which he has now extended). That can't be easy.
Still don't love him, but now understanding why the short fuse.

 

[tiggycat]

Yikes! We have a 'respect' policy where I work - you can't yell or insult another staff member or even 'correct/criticize' a subordinate in public - such things have to be discussed in a closed office or conference room. I've had bully bosses in the past though - scary thing is you need to rely on them for a reference to get to a better place!

 

[pr1nc355]

My boss has yelled at me--more than once. She hasn't yelled at me in months, but she continues to be a PITA, and I hate dealing with her. I had a bully boss at my last job, too, and I went into my current job grateful to get away from the boss, and I encountered yelling again.

My current boss has some personal stuff that's been eating at her, and I know she's been under strain in her position, too. I put up with her because I think I'd be a fool to just get up and leave. Other than her, my job's great. My patients and other staff give me good recognition, and I'm compensated well with a high salary and good benefits. I just do the best job I can do on my own without my boss's assistance and stay on my best behavior. If she gives me something to do, I do it (no matter how stupid her tasks are, and believe me, they're really stupid), no complaints and again, on my own. It works. I'm so busy doing my regular job plus all the stupid stuff she gives me that I have barely any face time with her anymore. I think the way I handle it frustrates her more because she wants to say something bad about me on my reviews, but she can't, so she does what she can to make me uncomfortable. I don't let her get to me, so she's the one who suffers.

Also, continuing to do a good job and not firing back makes me look like a team player, which would help me out a lot if I decide to apply for a higher position.

 

[rainrowan]

I used to have a boss yell at me all the time, not nasty but just pompous and overbearing and it set me on edge all the time. He'd constantly cut me off in meetings, even when we were socializing that I started to shake and go into shortness of breath whenever it started, and I was alienated from a lot of my colleagues and clients.

Finally had enough of being backed into a corner and transfered to a new department. After 5 long years of service to him, all he said was "if you try to come back, I won't take you back". Sounds like some kind of lunatic lover... but Thanks, man! After I transferred, every time I'd encounter him in the building and he would start in on me, I never flinched. I finally found the courage to remove myself from being enslaved by his control.

There is absolutely no reason for raised voices in the office!

 

[Samia]

Just an update, I just found out that he and his wife have separated a few months ago, which is when I started noticing the behavior. She lives in Germany and he's here, they have an 8 year old, and just built a house together before he moved here to fulfill his 3 year contract (which he has now extended). That can't be easy.
Still don't love him, but now understanding why the short fuse.

I understand that the personal situation must be frustrating but still taking it out on an employee is just not right.

On a lighter note, this reminded me of a similar "How I met you mother" episode where Marshall gets screamed at by his boss and Barney tells him about the chain of screaming

 

[bnjj]

I used to work in head office of a bank and one VP was known throughout the company as "The Dragon Lady". I was never in her department but had a lot of (far too much for my liking) contact with her. She was an absolute tyrant and nothing was done about it for a few years. A new president came in and she got the boot not too long after. The new president and the EVP of HR conducted interviews with several people she had frequent contact with and when they met with her to discuss things, she was completely in shock. She was astounded that people saw her that way.

Talk about zero self awareness.

 

[DiorDeVille]

Wow, do you work for my former boss?!

Whether HR will be helpful really depends on where you are. If it's a big (corporate) company, document it all and it might be useful to take to HR. But I wouldn't expect that to solve the problem and would try to transfer to another team/department first. If you're in a law firm or another industry where type-A outbursts aren't a big deal (so long as they're coming from a male / rainmaker), then I'm not sure I'd try HR regardless. You'll be seen as being "unable to hack it" and it will put a target on your back for HR as well as your boss.

If you're in a small company (and especially if he's a rainmaker for them), you're kind of out of luck. You can document and complain but any changes are likely to be short term. I'd start trying to move on - that type of environment is very hard on your physical, mental and emotional health. I'm sorry you're experiencing this.