how to win round dh....?
- Thread starter Mrsshac
- Start date
Am I only the only one who has a separate ebay account for bag buys and hides the truth about their bag addiction?
I don't tell DH about my how much my annual bonus is. I I don't drink or smoke, however I still feel obliged to let him 'think' each of my bags only cost c.£250 each
I buy my own bags and no way would I let him tell me to move one on, unless of course it was for an emergency
Sadly my little fibs nearly caught up with me when he offered to buy me one for Xmas! I had to politely decline the offer for fear if the real cost coming out.
DH really doesn't understand, however he wouldn't think twice as spending £££s on football trips, so my bags are mine to do as a I please with.
Many wont agree, but that's how it is, he is useless with money and wasted his on far worse things than bags, so its none of his business
I don't tell DH about my how much my annual bonus is. I I don't drink or smoke, however I still feel obliged to let him 'think' each of my bags only cost c.£250 each
I buy my own bags and no way would I let him tell me to move one on, unless of course it was for an emergency
Sadly my little fibs nearly caught up with me when he offered to buy me one for Xmas! I had to politely decline the offer for fear if the real cost coming out.
DH really doesn't understand, however he wouldn't think twice as spending £££s on football trips, so my bags are mine to do as a I please with.
Many wont agree, but that's how it is, he is useless with money and wasted his on far worse things than bags, so its none of his business
I know!! So many ephemeral things like nights out etc I don't like spending money on as there's nothing to show for it. He runs a motorbike as well as his car so there's money on brakes,tyres, kit almost something each month
but all our household income goes into the 1 account; I can't really use the 'my money' argument since I went part time I'm not the chief earner I'm thinking if I can sell enough shoes/clothes etc to make up the same value.... ? Or start some kind of running 'savings' total everytime I don't buy something but make do with what I have?? Aargh this is horrible he makes me feel so shallow and consumerist but I love my bags I know!! So many ephemeral things like nights out etc I don't like spending money on as there's nothing to show for it. He runs a motorbike as well as his car so there's money on brakes,tyres, kit almost something each month
Argh the dreaded joint account! I work for a bank and that's something I've never had and never recommended, don't get me wrong it doesn't always go bad but..... I've seen it happen. The worst was a well k own football player who strayed, lets just say wifey went to town at his cost!
Ok desperate measures - How about selling some bits on evilbay or a boot sale?
I know!! So many ephemeral things like nights out etc I don't like spending money on as there's nothing to show for it. He runs a motorbike as well as his car so there's money on brakes,tyres, kit almost something each month
I don't think it's really matter if you're the main earner or not. Does he have Sth that he often splurges on? For my DH it's his games. Or just tell him for your next birthday/ Xmas pressie he won't need to buy a present. My DH knows now for my upcoming birthday I don't want a present, I rather he leaves whatever he might be spending till Mid June for the M sale.
Oh dear, Mrsshac; this isn't pleasant for you at all ... Tbh, I have to agree that running a motorbike must be more costly in the long term: insurance, tax, maintenance, petrol, etc etc must stack up to a fair few shekels ... I don't know whether you went part time to care for children, home and so forth but, to me, this is another bargaining chip. At the end of the day, we all have our own loves and hobbies - if you were out boozing and smoking every night, he'd have far more reason to complain (and worry)! I hope you can appeal to his better nature ... I'll try to think of some more practical advice but, in the meantime, good luck! XX
I would just agree not to buy any more bags for a period of time.
My husband knows how much my bags cost and we generally discuss purchases. He doesn't earn or spend anything like as much as I do, but he's ok with that. He wasn't too pleased when I bought my double zip tote but didn't stop me, however he did put his foot down over a Chanel. And I allowed that - while I might have earned the money in question, both of our wages ultimately go towards allowing us to achieve our joint ambition of paying off the mortgage in the next five years so we can go part time and have more time together. That means we both get an opinion on 'big' purchases & in the end I agreed with him that our joint goal was more important. We're currently discussing a new TV, he's driving that one!
Every couple is different and only you will know what works for you - this is what works for us.
Edit - as someone else said, if you went part time to be more supportive of him and your family/life together - I think the money you both earn belongs to both of you and it doesn't matter who earned it.
My husband knows how much my bags cost and we generally discuss purchases. He doesn't earn or spend anything like as much as I do, but he's ok with that. He wasn't too pleased when I bought my double zip tote but didn't stop me, however he did put his foot down over a Chanel. And I allowed that - while I might have earned the money in question, both of our wages ultimately go towards allowing us to achieve our joint ambition of paying off the mortgage in the next five years so we can go part time and have more time together. That means we both get an opinion on 'big' purchases & in the end I agreed with him that our joint goal was more important. We're currently discussing a new TV, he's driving that one!
Every couple is different and only you will know what works for you - this is what works for us.
Edit - as someone else said, if you went part time to be more supportive of him and your family/life together - I think the money you both earn belongs to both of you and it doesn't matter who earned it.
Last edited:
I know the feeling of a shared bank account and now working part time to care for our little one. I know I shouldnt feel guilty for spending (being a Mum is a full time job in itself after all!) but I still do, even if its just to buy myself a new pair of jeans or something. I umm and ahh about it and then usually don't purchase then and there. I usually go home and tell DH that I wanted to buy something today but I felt bad about spending money, he usually says, I shouldnt feel bad and I should go back and buy whatever it was.
When it comes to bags I tend to wait until a birthday or something comes around and then we discuss it together. Ultimately he wants me to be happy and he knows bags are my thing. He's never said no but I try to be fair in the whole thing too. I didnt feel as bad about it when I was working full time before I had my son.
As an example, it is our 3rd wedding anniversary today which is "Leather" which for me is almost as exciting as if it were diamonds or something! Yesterday a big box arrived from Mulberry, and DH wanted me to open it this morning but in the morning rush (I am in Australia) and getting to work today, I've left it until tonight to open. I'm so excited as it will be my first Mulberry! (I do know what it is as I had dropped some hints a month or so ago so I'm guessing its that). Its also Mothers day next weekend so I've told him I wouldnt expect a Mothers day present.
When it comes to bags I tend to wait until a birthday or something comes around and then we discuss it together. Ultimately he wants me to be happy and he knows bags are my thing. He's never said no but I try to be fair in the whole thing too. I didnt feel as bad about it when I was working full time before I had my son.
As an example, it is our 3rd wedding anniversary today which is "Leather" which for me is almost as exciting as if it were diamonds or something! Yesterday a big box arrived from Mulberry, and DH wanted me to open it this morning but in the morning rush (I am in Australia) and getting to work today, I've left it until tonight to open. I'm so excited as it will be my first Mulberry! (I do know what it is as I had dropped some hints a month or so ago so I'm guessing its that). Its also Mothers day next weekend so I've told him I wouldnt expect a Mothers day present.
That's what started my M obsession off to- my Effie was my 3rd anniversary present!! Argh I hope in a few yrs time you don't find yourself in my position too...
thanks for all the advice ladies. I think I will have to go with a combination of a) selling some other things to make up some of the value b) missing some other presents/treats throughout the year. I try to stalk bags just on auction sites now and not look at the new outlet stock lists - another option is potentially moving on my Pumpkin Bays and that way I'd have some 'leftover' cash to hoard for the next purchase mwah haha!!!
I don't get major birthday presents from dh - I'm lucky if I get a decent card these days! - but I do buy my bags when I see them and want them. After all, there's more sense in buying something when you actually see it, rather than wait until The Day when you might not fancy anything that happens to be in stock. So, you could say that it is an early birthday present or, as Wordsworth says, tell him that you won't be buying for a while. It's very difficult because every relationship and circumstance is different and, even when I went back to work and earned my own cash again, I still felt guilty splurging on bags. But bags are my "thing" and I'm as well-known for them amongst my friends and family as the bloke in Four Weddings and a Funeral was for his waistcoats! You have to have something that makes you happy and, as long as it isn't actively impinging on your ability to pay bills etc, balance it against his motorbike and smile!
