How to win over your SO's parents?

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  1. So, how do you ladies/gents win over your SO's parents? Mainly, how do you get to know them better?

    I've been with my bf for 5 years now and lately I just realize I don't know much about his parents except for their names. :confused1: When I do see them, I usually say hi and have a quick 5 min chat at the most.

    So I'm thinking... maybe asking his mom out for lunch one of these days, but I'm clueless to what to do with his dad. :Push:
  2. how about taking them all out for dinner or a movie or sumthing?
  3. Irissy,

    MO is that sometimes distance is good. Sometimes u find out things about ppl that u do not like when u try to get to know them better.

    I for one have never been very fond of any SO's parents for fear of complications. (EG you say something innocently at lunch but it's taken the wrong way by the parents...)

    I am nice and respectful to them and that's it. I don't need to get to know them allthat well unless i marry the guy. and THEN with my luck, i'd probably get ILs from HELL and have to try to distance myself from them!!

    Just becareful about this getting to them better thing. YOu don't know how they feel about you and you don't know what you're going to find when you get to know them more. and it's very hard to back track once you are too chummy.

    but if u do want to get to know them better, dinner or lunch sounds like a good idea. or if they like the outdoors say, when don't we take a walk together in XXX park/gardens....

    OH and check with SO what he thinks of it first....
  4. Wow, that is a long time without knowing your BF's parents. They should make an effort to know you, too! I agree ^^^ maybe there is a reason you do not know them very well. Having lunch with both of them sounds great. Then you may go shopping with your BF's mom. I guess that if I had a son, I would want to know EVERyThing about his girlfriend right away, so it is hard to imagine why they would not want to get to know you.
  5. I can write the book, "How to marry a man whose parents hate you" (I've done it more than once!)

    I'll have to check this thread often and take notes. LOL
  6. First find out if his mom is the shopping type and if she is the luxury or cheapie type. let HER pick where to shop

    Just becareful what you buy (preferably don't buy anything) or say about your spending habits. i would not go out shopping with the mom because alot of moms see the gfs buy stuff and they do not like it!!! they just see it as "this woman will spend my dear darling precious son's money all away!!!". I've seen it happen to girlfriends with their SO or DH's parents.... this is why i don't make an effort ot get to know parents well unless i need to (READ: married)


  7. OMG.... that is so tough....:wtf: it's easier if your DH stands up for you but IMO impossible to keep the marriage on good terms if he doesn't stand up for you.

    You need to tel me how to deal with that. with my luck, i'm sure i'll get ILs from hell if i even find a guy i want to marry!
  8. Good point!!! :yes:
  9. My bf's parents speak very limited English and I'm from a different ethnicity than they are. When I do see them, I try to be nice and will usually greet them. Most of my girlfriends are pretty tight with their SO's mom so they got me into thinking that I need to start earning some brownie points with them if I want them to take me seriously. :P
  10. Good point there. She doesn't know about my designer goods habit (yet) and she's usually frugal. :sweatdrop:
  11. To be honest, the way I deal with them is to buy a lot of bags, a lot. If I ever figure it out will let you know!
  12. Oh, this is making me scare... :Push: I'm never good at bonding with the elders.

    I'll be sure to check with my bf before planning anything. That reminds me, his mom actually wanted to show me how to cook some of their dishes but that was like 2 years ago. Maybe I should ask her again...
  13. Oh, that makes sense! :yes:
    Perhaps you can somehow ask her to show you how to cook your BF's favorite dish or meal. Perhaps she will appreciate your eagerness to learn something from her. Don't worry too much! They like you! You make their son happy and that is what counts!
  14. Thanks for the reminder. :shame:

    I think I will ask her to teach me how to make some of their ethnic food. :nuts:
  15. ^ Irissy, that is a good idea and also a very loving thing to do .

    IF you haven't already figured out, i'm like the SUPER CAUTIONIST about these things.

    by all means do that BUT don't get the idea into her head or your bf's head that you'll be slaving at the stove all the time for him.... unless that's what u want to do

    I don't know what ethnic culture you;re both from but i caution u that some cultures have very different perceptions of a woman's/wife's role. some cultures think that wife = cook/clean/look after babies. and i don't do anything to promote that thinking with guys i date or their families.

    SO all i'm saying is becareful with how you approach it. don't make it a habit to learn how to cook from her all the time and do so for your SO. it will get taken for granted and you will be labeled as COOK. and once you get the SO used to that, he will then be dissatisfied and complain when you try to stop doing it......

    Just my 2 Cents for what it's worth. if you can't already tell, i've had bad experiences with men and families. but not to say that all men are that way. hopefully u have one of the good ones =)

    OH does she knit or anything like that? maybe you can learn that? something more neutral. unless you hate that kind of stuff... heh