How to give a cat a pill..

  1. [FONT=Default Sans Serif,Verdana,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]Got this one today. HILARIOUS and SO true.. My cats would do exactly as listed :roflmfao:

    How to Give a CAT a Pill

    1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

    2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

    3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

    4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

    5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from yard.

    6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

    7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

    8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

    9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

    10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with rubber band.

    11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

    12. Call fire department to retrieve the friggin' cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.

    13. Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with twine and bind tightly to leg of dining room table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

    14. Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

    15. Arrange for Humane Society to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

    How to Give a DOG a Pill

    1. Wrap it in bacon.

  2. :roflmfao: So true. Speaking of cats, did you see the show Flipping Out when the guy took the cat the get acupuncture?? Too funny.
  3. I soo this once in a vet´s office, hilarious!!
  4. :roflmfao: So true. When I last had to give my cat pills, I thought that I was doing okay until I found a few of them on the floor in the pantry a week later. She had been spitting them out behind my back!
  5. HYSTERICAL... and so true!!!!
  6. My elderly Siamese (may he rest in peace) had to be pilled daily for low thyroid. ( for about the last couple of months he lived) He was so old and docile he just laid there and let me put the pill in his mouth. He even made a little swallowing movement back in his throat. I was so proud of him.
    After he died and I was cleaning I found this little stash of tiny white pills where he would hold them in his mouth until I left him alone and then spit them out behind the sofa cushion. He really was a genius....

  7. This made me laugh and cry! What a smart boy.
  8. Ha!!! That's too funny.

    I am currently giving my cat pills for low thyroid as well. I just stick it in his food and he eats it...or so it seems:p

  9. :roflmfao:just when you thought they took the pill!! oh this is too funny!! i'm picturing my maltese doing as he is taking thyroid pills
  10. That's funny. Good thing I don't have a cat. The only time I had to give my dog a pill, I hid it in a hot dog and she was thrilled to take the entire prescription.
  11. Hysterical and SO true. We finally asked if the pill could be smashed and used a mortar and pestle to grind it up, then mixed in water and used an eye dropper to get it down our cat's throat, my dear Tigris, may she rest in peace.
  12. LOL.

    That is way too true. My dog refused to take these TINY pills that I got from the vet to help prevent infection when his paw was injured.

    He would often take them and spit them out later (I followed him).

    I ended up having to wrap the pill in all kinds of meat and food that he loved so that he'd eat it. He's such a gluttonous dog. :nogood: Love him to death though.
  13. Lol!!!
    Soo True!:roflmfao::roflmfao: