How to Give a Cat a Pill vs How to Give a Dog a Pill


Sep 9, 2006
How to Give a CAT a Pill

1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from yard.
6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with rubber band.
11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12. Call fire department to retrieve the friggin' cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.
13. Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with twine and bind tightly to leg of dining room table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
14. Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
15. Arrange for Humane Society to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

How to Give a DOG a Pill

1. Wrap it in bacon.


Up On My Toes!
Jun 6, 2006
I am so lucky, I think. My cat takes a thyroid pill everyday and I have no problem giving it to him at all. He just opens his cute little mouth and I pop it in.

Two of my dogs get daily medicine too and I have pretty much the same success story. They're prepared for the pills so I rarely have any trouble.


One Love
Apr 24, 2007
:roflmfao::roflmfao: so true! i've read this so many times via email but no matter how many times i still lol! though for my dogs i wrap it in cheese because my little ones are TOO good at eating the meat AROUND the pill and spitting the pill out!


Sep 9, 2006
I thought of this because I have been explaning How to Give Cat a Pill to a client that has such a difficult time getting one! I have gotten pretty good with evil cats at work without killing each other. My doctor is a cat whisperer so I learned a lot from him. Still, you know, cats can 'pretend' they got the pill and spit it out like 24 hours later...!!! I have one cat of my own that absolutely HATES getting any kind of pills. And I am such a chicken when it comes to my own!!!
Leelee, you are so lucky!!!


Designer At Large
Apr 28, 2006
This is why when my vet asks if I would like to have drops instead, I say "yes!" The sweetest cat in the world will turn into this evil mutant ninja kitty once a pill is introduced. Okay, the cats don't like the drops either but, at least I can get the medicine down the cat's throat.


Sep 9, 2006
My cat is WORSE on the liquid...:crybaby: It flies all over the room and I am still finding spots to this day... You try to tell them we are not hurting them on purpose, trying to help them get better...


Oooh sparkly!
Dec 6, 2006
We had to give one of our cats tablets for a UTI. We found the best way was to crush the tablet between two spoons and then rub it on chicken pieces.
She was actually purring when she was eating it..... although we've always said she's not all there! ;)


Shallow when needed!
Jan 16, 2006
I was hysterically laughing toward the end of the post... I have three cats, luckily two of them love vanilla yoghurt so when I have to give them a pill I crush it and mix it to a little spoonful of yoghurt. The third cat is a real PITA, he is too smart for the yoghurt trick and is able to hold the pill in his mouth for minutes until I'm certain he swallowed it and then spit it out in a flower pot or something similar!!