How Does Your DH, DF, or DBF Feel About Your CL's?!

QueenOfHeels

QueenOfHeels

Six Inches & Up
May 11, 2010
343
0
#1
Hi Ladies!! :heart:

Quick Side Note: I did a search in the forums in advance to posting this new thread and my searches were not returning any results for this topic, but if it has already been posted elsewhere, mod's please feel free to close and/or move this thread. Thank you!

:back2topic:

So, I thought it would be fun to post a thread on "How Your DH, DF, or DBF Feels About Your CL Collection's" as I am curious to know myself!

Personally, I originally came up with this idea when my DBF/DF (in the process of getting engaged) said to me last week that if I purchased any more CL's with or without telling him that he would (quite literally) burn my shoe closet and break up with me.... and I mean this in all seriousness, exaggerations and all kidding aside. Now, I am certainly not trying to go off on him, I do love him very much, please don't get me wrong. I just have a hard time getting him to understand why I will spend "x" amount of dollars on a pair of Louboutin's or say any other designer shoe for that matter (which, for me is typically: YSL Tribtoo's and Brian Atwood) and how I feel that this then justifies the purchase and is therefore an investment for me. To which he typically counters (being the Law Student that he is) that, "well, if I spent what you do on CL's on video games (for example), hell that would be an investment too because I know that my cost-per-play would be the equivalent to your so-called cost-per-wear."

Also, just to clarify, all the CL's I purchase come out of my own earning's and bank account--I have never, ever asked my DBF/DF to purchase me a pair of CL's or any other designer shoes for that matter (even as a X-Mas or B-Day Gift) as I am just too prideful about it. :shame: This same concept applies to when we are dining out--I still hate it when he always feels the need to foot the bill because "he's the man," so typically and on occasion I will wave the waiter aside separately when my DBF/DF has either excused himself to the restroom or seems distracted and slip the waiter my card in advance.

Knowing how he feels about my CL's, I admit that I have hidden purchases from him in the past, but not always, to avoid having him feel upset. This usually backfires, as later on down the road he will eventually find out that I have purchased a new pair and then begin lecturing me and claiming that because I was not forthcoming about the purchases that this means I have therefore "lied" and am "untrustworthy" which deeply hurts as I am not that type of person in the least and do not feel like I have been either a liar or an untrustworthy girlfriend/fiancee. Sometimes the lectures will go so far that he threatens to sell my shoes on eBay, which I know is primarily said out of anger only, but still....:sad:

So, not only would I be curious as to hearing what your lovely DH/DF/DBF's think and feel about your CL's, but from my long-winded rant (sorry! :blush:) I definitely think I could also use some pointer's in helping my DBF/DF understand moreso where I am coming from in regards to the CL's. :yes:

Thank you ladies so very much for letting me share my mini-story :flowers:, I sincerely hope it wasn't too personal! And, thank you in advance as well for sharing with me your stories and words of wisdom! :hugs:
 
#2
My longtime DBF loves my CLs; however, I pay for my shoes entirely myself, and try very hard to live within my means. My luxury shoes are really my only guilty pleasure (besides reality TV), so he respects my decision as to how I spend my money and admires my good taste. :cool:

That said, it would be different if I were entirely financially dependent on him, but I personally would never do that. I'm much too independent and intelligent not to earn my own money and be completely self-supporting.

I just got a pair of leopard print Brian Atwoods, though, that he LOVES. He was still talking about them this AM while I was getting ready for work!
 
#4
My DBF doesn't tell me not to get them but he definitely looks baffled everytime I show him my new purchases and tell him how much I spent. I am sure though that if we lived together or were going to be married he would tell me to get them as long as my career/income allows it. I guess, if it doesn't interfere with payments on something that you are sharing responsibility then it is ok. It would bother me if I was told not to get them and it would stress me out if I knew I payed everything I was responsible for and could still afford pairs. I understand where this attitude comes from but for me it is wrong for a man to tell a woman she can't get what she wants especially if they can afford it.
 
#5
My Then DBF who has become the other kind of DH now , supported my habit and actually hated it when i sell them ( y'know ones you fall out of love etc with ) .. If he evr threatens me that he'd burn my shoes...well i just tell him ill smash his game consoles in pieces :devil:
 
#7
my Dh loves my Cls but we are both beginning to think it's getting to be too much of a good thing. I've been with my DH for 14 years & we both buy my fashion. I buy most of it though with my salary although he does afford me ability to buy as much as i do.:love:

I'm honest with DH about anything I do. I don't tell him about every purchase but at the same time I don't hide it from him. I can't because he sees the packages that come.

I tend to go through spurts with shopping. I shop for a little while & then I stop. I usually give myself a healthy yearly budget to spend on luxury items & this year I way surpassed it. :shame:

DH doesn't like it but he also realizes he encouraged it. He also accepts it because he knows I went on like a 5 year shopping ban while he was still spending like crazy person. :lol:

My shopping ban was my own doing. I had gained too much weight & wasn't motivated to buy anything nice. Now that I lost weight we both decided its my turn to get it in a little. :P

We also both decided that after this sale season I'm on shopping hiatus until the next sale season. DH even offered me a little bonus if i stick to it. he didn't have o do that but I'll take it. :P
 
#9
My DH likes the look of my shoes and my style in general, but we have had our ups and downs over the Louboutins :lol:. In the long run, he isn't comfortable with my purchasing more than a X numbers of full-price CLs every year, and I have agreed to respect that. You have to understand that when you are a couple, there really isn't a complete division of "my money" vs. "his money" . Everything that either of you spends money on affects your financial status as a family and basically needs to be agreed upon; although individual accounts for purely seperate indulgences should be built into the budget of course. When it comes to money, just like other important matters of trust, you both have to be able to be completely honest; anything less really is a kind of betrayal. I know we all joke around in this forum about hiding purchases and softening the actual prices that we pay so the SO won't be too shocked, but... I personally HATE being lied to or decieved and think that it poisons all types of relationships including the one you have with yourself.
Wow, I had no idea I was gonna get all serious :rolleyes:
 
#10
immashoesaddict said:
My Then DBF who has become the other kind of DH now , supported my habit and actually hated it when i sell them ( y'know ones you fall out of love etc with ) .. If he evr threatens me that he'd burn my shoes...well i just tell him ill smash his game consoles in pieces :devil:
Click to expand...

You are too much immashoesaddict!! :roflmfao::lolots: I never thought of doing such a thing!! But, if the moment presents itself, I might just snap back with that little quip! :P
 
#13
You may have gotten serious on us, but you nailed it. Perfectly said IMO! ;)


mal said:
My DH likes the look of my shoes and my style in general, but we have had our ups and downs over the Louboutins :lol:. In the long run, he isn't comfortable with my purchasing more than a X numbers of full-price CLs every year, and I have agreed to respect that. You have to understand that when you are a couple, there really isn't a complete division of "my money" vs. "his money" . Everything that either of you spends money on affects your financial status as a family and basically needs to be agreed upon; although individual accounts for purely seperate indulgences should be built into the budget of course. When it comes to money, just like other important matters of trust, you both have to be able to be completely honest; anything less really is a kind of betrayal. I know we all joke around in this forum about hiding purchases and softening the actual prices that we pay so the SO won't be too shocked, but... I personally HATE being lied to or decieved and think that it poisons all types of relationships including the one you have with yourself.
Wow, I had no idea I was gonna get all serious :rolleyes:
Click to expand...
 
#14
Thanks for saying all of that mal, total seriousness is perfectly fine by me! Sometimes, I prefer it! :smile: But, I do just want to thank you again for sharing all of that and taking the time to write it. :hugs:

I definitely agree with you on all of your points and definitely will be sitting down with DBF/DF tonight to discuss everything again. I definitely think a yearly budget and agreeing upon my being allowed to purchase "x" number of full-priced CL's every year is a great idea and would give us both clarity and peace of mind. I totally understand where you are coming from about being a couple and how, after marriage, there is no clear division between "my money" vs. "his money" and how it directly impacts the financial status of the family. Individual accounts for personal expenditures and indulgences is definitely something we have already discussed (as I myself think it is a great idea!) that can be appropriately worked into the budget.

I bolded the part of your quote about money and trust as I think this is an excellent point that everyone should take to heart, no matter their relationship status. :yes: My DBF/DF and I have been dating for over six years now and have been living together for four of those years amidst the stress of school, being away from family, and working two full-time jobs. I think the stress and pressure on our relationship is wearing off now that I have finished school and DBF/DF has finished his undergrad and headed to Law School. So, I really believe that the communication aspect of things is going to improve greatly and thus make it easier to discuss more sensitive matters from a logical, not purely emotional perspective.

As of now, DBF/DF and I are on the same page regarding my CL's. I now feel *pretty* comfortable (although I do still get major butterflies!) to openly discuss with him what shoes I am thinking about purchasing including: pricing, whether or not they are full price, where they are being purchased from, and why they would make a practical addition to my wardrobe, and if this falls within my/our budget in advance prior to me taking the plunge. He hasn't been too receptive about the news and doesn't much like to discuss it, but like I said, now that the pressure is easing off with school and everything, I think he will begin warming up to this approach since it falls well within the realms of trust and understanding as a couple.

Sorry for my overly verbose rant! And, sincerely :ty: for everything, it really meant a lot to me! :heart:

mal said:
My DH likes the look of my shoes and my style in general, but we have had our ups and downs over the Louboutins :lol:. In the long run, he isn't comfortable with my purchasing more than a X numbers of full-price CLs every year, and I have agreed to respect that. You have to understand that when you are a couple, there really isn't a complete division of "my money" vs. "his money" . Everything that either of you spends money on affects your financial status as a family and basically needs to be agreed upon; although individual accounts for purely seperate indulgences should be built into the budget of course. When it comes to money, just like other important matters of trust, you both have to be able to be completely honest; anything less really is a kind of betrayal. I know we all joke around in this forum about hiding purchases and softening the actual prices that we pay so the SO won't be too shocked, but... I personally HATE being lied to or decieved and think that it poisons all types of relationships including the one you have with yourself.
Wow, I had no idea I was gonna get all serious :rolleyes:
Click to expand...
 
#15
mal said:
My DH likes the look of my shoes and my style in general, but we have had our ups and downs over the Louboutins :lol:. In the long run, he isn't comfortable with my purchasing more than a X numbers of full-price CLs every year, and I have agreed to respect that. You have to understand that when you are a couple, there really isn't a complete division of "my money" vs. "his money" . Everything that either of you spends money on affects your financial status as a family and basically needs to be agreed upon; although individual accounts for purely seperate indulgences should be built into the budget of course. When it comes to money, just like other important matters of trust, you both have to be able to be completely honest; anything less really is a kind of betrayal. I know we all joke around in this forum about hiding purchases and softening the actual prices that we pay so the SO won't be too shocked, but... I personally HATE being lied to or decieved and think that it poisons all types of relationships including the one you have with yourself.
Wow, I had no idea I was gonna get all serious :rolleyes:
Click to expand...

Totally agree!
 
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