Well I can’t give you much more advice than what has already been said but would he be more comfortable considering something that is luxurious and practical at the same time? It does not have to be mutually exclusive. A nice high end watch can be worn and used everyday. It serves more than just blingy adornment from his point of view?
That would not have been a bad idea during the pre-smartwatch era! Nowadays I wear my Apple Watch daily (which my husband paid half of—we agreed on that with no issues). But watches can be a good combo of something both practical and luxurious for sure!
I have to say I’m surprised that a woman who is working and contributing to the household bills feels like she has to ask permission to buy herself something fancy. It may be my ignorance, or where I live, or how I was brought up but getting in a relationship for me always meant I get to keep my freedom in all aspects of life. Eg. I’m not a promiscuous person, have never cheated, but if I wanted to I feel like I could. If I wanted to spend money on sth just for me, obviously without getting into financial struggle, I feel like I could (and I do!). Freedom to decide for myself is everything to me, I honestly (and without trying to offend anyone) can’t understand how a woman today would consciously/willingly choose a life partner who takes away her freedom to decide for herself. That includes spending her money I believe. On the other hand it explains why women stay single or marry late. Maybe I’m just bloomin lucky!
So to answer your question OP, I wouldn’t justify. Instead maybe I’d suggest if I was getting sth nice he could too…
Thanks for your opinion, and I think everyone/every couple handles money differently! For the record, my husband does not control my finances—I wouldn’t ever marry someone who pushed me around like that. If he was so controlling, we would never have lasted for almost 10 years so far (dating + marriage).
But we talk about the pricey things that we’d like to spend our money on—and on the flip side, I wouldn’t be happy if he bought something very costly without asking me about it first. I guess even if communicating is uncomfortable sometimes, I would still rather have us be honest than have to hide what we’re doing from each other.
I can totally relate…my DH and I have different attitudes towards spending. Likewise, we are financially stable with no debts, but the idea of spending $$$ on a material item sends him into a panic.
In the past few years, we’ve settled on a system where I have an agreed-upon budget each year to spend as I please. For a milestone birthday, we agreed on an extra amount. While I sometimes wish he was the type of person who would buy me something huge (“the big gesture”) I accept that’s just not in his make-up. We still have to have regular communication about this issue to avoid resentments or me feeling I somehow have to hide my spending. He acknowledges I deserve nice things and I assure him I would never jeopardize our security.
Ditto on purses….lol.
The upside of this is that it has made me very careful and choosey with my purchases. I hate waste and things languishing in the closet!
I like the system that you and your husband have! Compromise and understanding are important in relationships.
Haha about purses—I love them too, but unfortunately I don’t have as much use for them since I’ve been working from home now. But jewelry seems easier to enjoy at any time compared to bags.
Being more choosy is a good thing, too—I wish I had that mindset and wisdom when I was younger.
Ugh I feel you so much. My husband I have fought many times about money, even though we’re meeting all of our financial goals. He refuses to have separate “mad money” accounts so unfortunately almost every luxury purchase is an unpleasant discussion.
We’ve sort of landed at an agreement where I buy myself 1-3 luxury items a year (bags and/or jewelry), staying under 5% of my own annual income. He makes twice as much as me, so I’m spending very very little of our total income each year on my 1-3 items.
One thing that has helped me is becoming educated about the history of the brand and the specific items I’m interested in. Sharing that context with my husband has helped him accept why I want what I want instead of settling for something similar and cheaper.
Another thing that helps me is having a plan and sharing it with my husband months ahead of time so he doesn’t think I’m being impulsive and isn’t surprised by my purchases.
Like a few months before a trip to a luxury store I’ll tell him something like “I really want a Cartier love bracelet this year. When we’re near the boutique in June I want to go try it on. Then I’ll think about it and if I still like it I’ll buy it for my birthday later this summer.” Then when we’re planning the trip “it seems like Friday would be the best day to fit in a visit to Cartier, or do you think another day is better?” Then the week of the trip “my appointment at Cartier is Friday at 2.” Try on the bracket, like it, let him know in July “I really liked it and I think I’ll order it a week before my birthday.” So he knows the purchase was well considered and by the time it happens he’s had a lot of time to get used to the idea and is not surprised at all.
Hope that helps!
I’m sorry about those financial fights on your end—I hope your agreement has helped since then??
I like your tactics as well—educating one’s spouse is a good idea. I wonder if telling our partners about the strong resale values of Cartier pieces would sway them a bit more? LOL!
Thanks for your thoughts about dropping hints as well—better to be gradual about things rather than cause shock. I think I did knock my husband off his axis with my ideas, BUT I will say he has agreed to do some exploratory jewelry trips with me later this week!
