How do you feel being an only child?

J

jcriley5

Member
Feb 3, 2007
1,223
3
#1
If you are, how do you feel about being an only child? If you aren't, do you ever wish you were?

I am an only child and it has never bothered me until last year. My dad passed away last yr and my mom sold the house and moved in with me. We don't have any other immediate family here and most of her friends haven't really being real friends since they are probably uncomfortable now that she is a widow. I started to feel so jealous of people that had big families or at least sisters and brothers. I also felt so much pressure because I felt like it was all up to me to make sure my mom was OK and I am ashamed to admit it, but I developed some resentment sometimes and wished that there was someone else would could take responsibility.
It feels kind of lonley too now that my dad is gone and it is just me and my mom, and I wished that I had someone else close to my dad who can share memories and grieve with me the same way. Anyone else ever wished they had siblings?
 
#2
Oh, sweetie :heart:

I've never wanted siblings and I always got insanely jealous when my mom would hold someone else's baby and get that dopey "oh I want one" look on her face. Made me so mad I couldn't see straight! (My mom was only able to have me, a tubal pregnancy afterward ruled out her having any more children). I love being an only child!

But I can't imagine how tough it's going to be when one of them goes. Not to mention how much I adore my parents. I'm so sorry you're going through this.
 
#3
I really do know how you feel.
My bio dad left my mother and when I was a little girl and for quite awhile it was just me and my mother alone until she remarried years later.
Growing up I too felt alot of pressure and resentment considering the circumstances of the bio dad leaving us and I carried that burden for years.:sad:
I always wanted siblings and at times felt really lonely growing up, especially around friends with brothers or sisters.
Luckily I married into a huge loving family!:heart:
My DH has 6 siblings.
I now have 5 sisters and 1 brother and 5 brother inlaws and 1 sister inlaw! And 12 nieces and nephews who call me Auntie!!!
To answer your question, yes. I always wanted a sister or even a brother but oh well...
I'm sorry your going through a hard time right now.
Hugs:flowers:
 
#4
I didn't mind so much growing up, until my parents started having marital issues. It just felt too personal to talk to my friends about, even really good friends, so I wished I had a sibling. Now that I'm older, I'm starting to realize that when my parents get to an age where they cannot take care of themselves, it would be nice to have someone to share that responsibility with, financially and emotionally.
 
#5
I'm an only child, and I have the responsibility of taking care of my mother when the time comes for me to do so.

I've actually seen lots of siblings in big families 'pass the buck re: aging parents' and sometimes resentment builds even more when there are people around and they don't help even if they morally should , KWIM? Now I just make sure to make arrangements and organize things properly, and then it is a relief not to have to argue with people or expect others to accept a share of the responsibility and get annoyed when they don't. It's my work, and I do it. The grass is NOT always greener!!

My grandmother ended up living with my mom because of my mother's brothers one moved overseas and the other's wife flatly refused to take care of my grandmother. They both helped finiancially, but my mom was left to (resentfully) carry much of the burden. So having a plan is sometimes better than having siblings.
 
#6
i've always loved it! :biggrin: for obvious reasons of course [ spoiled .. got all the attention .. etc.] i never wanted a brother or sister .. and still don't. i am fortunate enough to have a big family, so i think that was huge for me growing up, and still is.

but i do think as u get older u do think about your parents and how it's only going to be you when they can't take of themselves .. so i totally know how u guys feel!

other than that, i wouldn't change it for the world! but if you ask me if i'd have only one child, my answer would be no! haha!

so to add another little ? into the mix .. being an only child would u [ did u ] have only one child yourself?
 
#7
merika said:
I'm an only child, and I have the responsibility of taking care of my mother when the time comes for me to do so.

I've actually seen lots of siblings in big families 'pass the buck re: aging parents' and sometimes resentment builds even more when there are people around and they don't help even if they morally should , KWIM? Now I just make sure to make arrangements and organize things properly, and then it is a relief not to have to argue with people or expect others to accept a share of the responsibility and get annoyed when they don't. It's my work, and I do it. The grass is NOT always greener!!

My grandmother ended up living with my mom because of my mother's brothers one moved overseas and the other's wife flatly refused to take care of my grandmother. They both helped finiancially, but my mom was left to (resentfully) carry much of the burden. So having a plan is sometimes better than having siblings.
Click to expand...

Yes that is true. It happened with my own dad and his brother and they were estranged. My dad's brother was always resentful at my dad for moving to the US from Taiwan because in our culture usually the eldest son takes care of the parents and my dad is the eldest but thought that it would be best for our family's future and career/educational opportunities to move to the US.
 
#10
LUV xo LOUiS said:
being an only child would u [ did u ] have only one child yourself?
Click to expand...
Yes. I am an only child and I have only one son...several other factors contributed to it being that way, but I don't really mind. I don't want to have another child while I am economically unready to shoulder the burden of additional college fees etc just so that my son can have a sibling.
 
#11
StinkyMonkey said:
I really do know how you feel.
My bio dad left my mother and when I was a little girl and for quite awhile it was just me and my mother alone until she remarried years later.
Growing up I too felt alot of pressure and resentment considering the circumstances of the bio dad leaving us and I carried that burden for years.:sad:
I always wanted siblings and at times felt really lonely growing up, especially around friends with brothers or sisters.
Luckily I married into a huge loving family!:heart:
My DH has 6 siblings.
I now have 5 sisters and 1 brother and 5 brother inlaws and 1 sister inlaw! And 12 nieces and nephews who call me Auntie!!!
To answer your question, yes. I always wanted a sister or even a brother but oh well...
I'm sorry your going through a hard time right now.
Hugs:flowers:
Click to expand...
You are so lucky!! I am glad to hear! My BF who I will marry is kind of in a strained relationship with his family which makes me sad because I would like to be closer to them.
 
#12
Hang in there.
Hopefully things can be mended with your BF and his family.:yes: Family is so very important. Let's hope all parties involved will eventually deal with whatever has caused the distance and strain with your BF and his family (your future inlaws! ;).)
 
#13
I am an only child, it never bothered me growing up. Now that I have 2 children, I realize the interaction that I missed. I never really learned to stand up for myself, or hold my own in a fight. Luckily I married a great man, so that doesn't really come up in our daily life.

Now that my parents are older, I certainly wish I had a brother or sister. I see that I will be the one that they turn to, and this scares me. Luckily they are financially stable, and very active.

Sometimes my Mom drives me nuts, and I have no one to talk to about it. It reminds me of being a kid, and sitting in my room with nobody to talk to.

But, what are you gonna do? Just be the best daughter you can be.
 
#14
Sorry you're going through a difficult time. I have one brother and I have never wished to be an only child. It is really fortunate that my brother and I get along so well and that we respect each other. I know if a situation like that arises we'll work as a team. But there are so many times where siblings don't. For example: My dad's siblings. He also has a large family about 5 brothers and 3 sisters large. For the most part, most of them try to help. My grandpa was diagnosed with Cancer a year ago and passed this last December. However, there were the few that only thought of themselves at this sad time. It really made a riff in the family and it's been about 6 months and it's now that it's starting to come back together. For my grandma's sake anyway.
 
#15
I am the only child and I hated it and still kind of do. My mom and dad got divorced and we pretty much cut off all ties with him for several years. It was always just me and my mom. Don’t get me wrong I love my mom to death but I had a very lonely childhood, happy but lonely. I am a very shy and quiet person and can’t help but wonder if having siblings may have made me more socially inclined. I clearly remember playing in my room alone as a child and spending holidays (Christmas/birthday/etc) alone because my mom had to work. My mom and I always celebrated a few days before or after but it was never very special. To this day I am still kind of “whatever” about holidays while my fiancé makes a huge deal of them. His family lives for Christmas or birthdays and I really just don’t care or see the need to make a big deal out of them. Just the other day his mom called and asked what I want on a Christmas stocking she is going to knit me and it is June! He has a huge and loving family so I am very happy to be soon part of his too. I always knew I wanted to marry someone who was very family oriented and had a huge family so I could finally feel what is it like having a big family too. when the time comes for us to have children I will definitely want more than one.

Of course I am still very close to my mom but I moved about 2 years ago in with my fiancé and I feel very guilty that she is alone. She will call me sometimes and mention how things have changed and I don’t see her as often as she would like, but I am just very busy with work and doing my own thing. I just don’t know what to do. Also now I get invited to go with my fiancé to spend the holidays with his family and they live out of state. My mom is still working and says she is okay with that but I still feel bad. Kind of like I am torn in two directions.

I recently (thanks to my fiancé) got back in touch with my dad and now see him often. My fiancé and I are getting married in August and going to Kauai and I invited both my mom and my dad who will be bringing his new wife. It will be the first time my mom meets my dad’s new wife and it is just going to be awkward, but it is my wedding and I want both of my parents to be there. My mom has made several comments on how she wishes she had someone to bring and I feel horrible. I will probably be spending more time so she doesn’t feel left out than my own fiancé. I hate hearing my mom talk about being alone and I hear it from her quite often but I know in the end she is happy for me and knows I love her.
 
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