How do you discover your authentic style?

[louise_elouise]

Hi everyone,

I am at wit’s end here. I’m am reviewing my closet and there are SO many unworn things that I just don’t think I’ll ever wear. And so many things that actually don’t suit me or bring me joy.

some context:
- career: over the past 10 years or so, my lifestyle has fluctuated massively. From working at a banking to a more casual company to becoming a freelancer to the pandemic, it seems my career has moved to a firmly casual direction
- location: moved around from major world metropolises to now being in SF (tech fashion…). This has implications for my style but also my wardrobe needs
- I love fashion but I also use it as a stress outlet
- my weight has fluctuated hugelyyyyy
- pandemic.

And so I am watching YT videos, following influencers to figure out…how do I stop wasting £££ on all this?! What is a good system for ensuring what I buy actually suits me and my lifestyle and body, and not my fantasy life?

 

[papertiger]

These are general not just aimed at you so take what applies and leave the rest:

1. Only buy after consideration and deliberation
2. Buy for the body you have, not the one you wish you had (or used to have)
3. If changing 'uniform' or location, evolve your wardrobe don't revolutionise. Staying authentic means there must be a YOU involved.
4. Wear best everyday and every day, don't wear second-best because you're saving things for somedays and Sundays.
5. Don't buy second best. It's OK to have things around that are old an tired for occasions like gardening and fixing things, but don't be tempted by new 'okay' stuff. never mind keeping things that 'spark joy', make sue you only buy joy in the first place.
6. Don't use shopping as therapy use a therapist
7. Don't buy bargains, buy what you really want. If what you really want is also a bargain, then great.
8. Buy scarves and accessories that change your outfits. That way you can have more outfits with less outlay.
9. Never buy/keep/wear a colour or print you don't like, doesn't flatter, have to live up to. Clothes should make you look good not the other way round. Doesn't matter what friend/consultant says, it's you that has to do the choosing at the end of the day.
10. Don't just love yourself, like your body. If you constantly hate your body (or parts of your body) you're going to stat punishing it for being 'bad'.

 

[Miarta]

These are general not just aimed at you so take what applies and leave the rest:

1. Only buy after consideration and deliberation
2. Buy for the body you have, not the one you wish you had (or used to have)
3. If changing 'uniform' or location, evolve your wardrobe don't revolutionise. Staying authentic means there must be a YOU involved.
4. Wear best everyday and every day, don't wear second-best because you're saving things for somedays and Sundays.
5. Don't buy second best. It's OK to have things around that are old an tired for occasions like gardening and fixing things, but don't be tempted by new 'okay' stuff. never mind keeping things that 'spark joy', make sue you only buy joy in the first place.
6. Don't use shopping as therapy use a therapist
7. Don't buy bargains, buy what you really want. If what you really want is also a bargain, then great.
8. Buy scarves and accessories that change your outfits. That way you can have more outfits with less outlay.
9. Never buy/keep/wear a colour or print you don't like, doesn't flatter, have to live up to. Clothes should make you look good not the other way round. Doesn't matter what friend/consultant says, it's you that has to do the choosing at the end of the day.
10. Don't just love yourself, like your body. If you constantly hate your body (or parts of your body) you're going to stat punishing it for being 'bad'.

Ok, you are my hero!!! This was beautiful, it’s a gospel!!!

 

[diane278]

These are general not just aimed at you so take what applies and leave the rest:

1. Only buy after consideration and deliberation
2. Buy for the body you have, not the one you wish you had (or used to have)
3. If changing 'uniform' or location, evolve your wardrobe don't revolutionise. Staying authentic means there must be a YOU involved.
4. Wear best everyday and every day, don't wear second-best because you're saving things for somedays and Sundays.
5. Don't buy second best. It's OK to have things around that are old an tired for occasions like gardening and fixing things, but don't be tempted by new 'okay' stuff. never mind keeping things that 'spark joy', make sue you only buy joy in the first place.
6. Don't use shopping as therapy use a therapist
7. Don't buy bargains, buy what you really want. If what you really want is also a bargain, then great.
8. Buy scarves and accessories that change your outfits. That way you can have more outfits with less outlay.
9. Never buy/keep/wear a colour or print you don't like, doesn't flatter, have to live up to. Clothes should make you look good not the other way round. Doesn't matter what friend/consultant says, it's you that has to do the choosing at the end of the day.
10. Don't just love yourself, like your body. If you constantly hate your body (or parts of your body) you're going to stat punishing it for being 'bad'.

Great suggestions!!! Another thing I do, which probably isn’t for everyone is, if I find a basic item that’s perfect for me, I purchase it in multiples. This is especially true if I find the perfect white shirt or perfect fitting jeans. This spring, I found a white shirt that’s perfect for me and ordered a couple more. The last time I found a perfect (for me) white shirt was a couple of years ago. But I had been ok because I had a couple of extras to carry me through. This works for me because I’m basically a “uniform dresser”. I have a look that works for me and I pretty much stick with it.

 

[jellyv]

To discover it? Listen to the images and voices that are still there inside your fashion memory. I had to give myself permission (thank you, Jonathan Van Ness) to embrace what's interesting and different, pushing back on the bland that dominates mainstream marketing. Oh, and permission to be fun, stylistically and interpersonally, at my age (ageism is stupid).

 

[880]

Rehome all the stuff you are certain you will never wear

update staples that you love that need a refresh

take lots of full length pics and be honest with yourself re cost per wear

go slowly and spend more time looking and browsing for the perfect item; no need to buy unless you absolutely love something

 

[papertiger]

Great suggestions!!! Another thing I do, which probably isn’t for everyone is, if I find a basic item that’s perfect for me, I purchase it in multiples. This is especially true if I find the perfect white shirt or perfect fitting jeans. This spring, I found a white shirt that’s perfect for me and ordered a couple more. The last time I found a perfect (for me) white shirt was a couple of years ago. But I had been ok because I had a couple of extras to carry me through. This works for me because I’m basically a “uniform dresser”. I have a look that works for me and I pretty much stick with it.

I agree with that and can identify. I buy XS men's pure-cotton slim-fit tees in multiples because I prefer the colours and cut than the same brand for woman. I also bought 2 light-gauge navy/white nautical sweaters after I noticed I was wearing the first with everything. I wish I'd bought several black cord mini skirts a couple of years ago too. If someone finds jeans/trous/utility skirts that fit perfectly, I think it's great to buy several. I always test-wear/wash one first though, before buying doubles or triples.

I would say I am 80% a slowly evolving uniform dresser and 20% fashion-forward, anything goes dresser. I also know someone who is 50% glam infinitum and 50% stable yard equestrienne (her job).

So I'd also say, an authentic-style doesn't have to always mean one thing.

 

[lill_canele]

Great suggestions/advice from @papertiger !

In my personal experience I've changed styles a lot. I don't even really have a "signature style". I can dress like a Y2k college student one day and classic business casual the next, really depends on the look I'm going for tbh.

I've went from extremely casual/tomboy in the majority of teens and early 20s, to athleisure in my mid-20s, streetstyle in my late 20s and then it changed into something more dressy and business casual. I'm actually in the middle of sort of transitioning to a more relaxed chic look just for summer.

Though there were a couple of things I had to do when I was changing styles.
1) I had to sit down and be very honest with myself on what I wanted vs what I was comfortable with vs what I imagined myself to be like. And when I was set on changing my style or look I had to really commit to it.
2) I had to be practical with what made sense with my current wardrobe and what would work with my current wardrobe. Like many others, it's not like I can throw away all of my clothes and buy more clothes when I want to go for a different style. (not to mention we know it's wasteful in more ways than one) I don't like having lots of stuff in general and I'd like to make sure that I either have a lot of versatility from a piece or it's a more unique statement piece that and I better really love it to the point where I'm willing to wear it often enough to get my cost per wear.


When I decided to change my look from casual/street style to dressy/business casual I had to really push myself. In the beginning I'd still go for what I was comfortable with because I already knew how to dress that way. My husband kept me in check and pushed me to try different things, different combinations etc. It's something (like everyone else above said) takes time, a lot of deliberation, a lot of thinking.

Because I still wanted to keep the majority of my clothes and I didn't want to buy too many new clothes. I did a couple of closet clear outs of items that were either too old/worn, did not fit right, or things I never reached for. This gave me enough room to buy new clothes for my "new style". Not exactly a ton of room and I wasn't interested in buying a lot of clothes. Just enough to get the core staples of the look. Fortunately, to get the more sophisticated business casual look, there wasn't too much I had to buy. Neutral colored well-fitted blazers and trousers with a couple of button down shirts pretty much completes the basic look. I'm not a particularly colorful or adventurous person; so sticking to neutrals and classic fits works well for me.

Hope that gives you some food for thought! And remember, fashion is fun! Try not to stress out too much about it. You're doing something for yourself and exploring + experimenting with a little bit of thinking is part of the journey!

 

[Miarta]

My two cents …… a lot of time I see pictures of someone with the combination that I like and I put it in the folder that I call inspiration. (Original) Recently, I wanted to wear something red white and black lines but I wanted it to look fresh so, file I went to, and into my closet . Sometimes one just needs a little push for creativity to flow. I will also (discreetly) take pictures on the street if I see combo that I like.
For me , clothes are fun expression of me, and that changes from morning to morning (depending on a side of the bed I came out of, lol) It should never be … complicated. It helps if you have safe “go to” stash for the days with no clear inspiration.

 

[JenJBS]

I would start by looking at those clothes you don't wear, or don't bring you joy. Look at each item, and write down why you don't wear it, or why it doesn't bring you joy. Color? Fabric? Fit? Style? I'm guessing some patterns will emerge. Then you will know to avoid buying those type of clothes in the future. Then look at the clothes you love, and that bring you joy. Look at each item and write down why you love it, why it brings you joy. Again, I bet some patterns emerge. Then you know to buy those types of clothes in the future.

Once you have you list of things you love, it might be fun to name your personal style. Casual Chic, Elevated Tech Fashion, Relaxed Glamour, etc. Then before you buy something you can ask yourself if it fits whatever name you picked.

Another idea is to write down five words you want to describe your style. Before you buy an item make sure it fits at least 2 or 3 of those words.

Good luck!

 

[Sophisticatted]

What Not to Wear book by Trinny Woodall and Susannah Constantine is good for figuring out what does/doesn’t work for various body shapes.

A seasonal color analysis is good for figuring out which colors are/aren’t flattering. I once found a post on Reddit where someone had theirs professionally done. At this session she discovered which specific colors in her season flattered her most. Sometimes people complain that these things are faulty/don’t work because they can’t wear every color in a season. It’s a tool. It’s a start. Then there needs to be a personal process of selection within the category.

Lifestyle: On What Not to Wear, the tv show (Stacy London, ******* Kelly) they would show the client three mannequins. Usually it would be professional, casual, and something else like date night, mom on the go, participating in a hobby type outfit. I think it’s helpful to think of the categories of your life and figure out what you need for each of the categories.

Also a part of the lifestyle equation is the weather. It is important to find comfortable and attractive ways to dress for it, IMO.

 

[Pursedoctor]

What a great thread! You all have such wonderful advice. Thanks @880 for pointing me to it.

5. Don't buy second best. It's OK to have things around that are old an tired for occasions like gardening and fixing things, but don't be tempted by new 'okay' stuff. never mind keeping things that 'spark joy', make sue you only buy joy in the first place.

@papertiger your whole post was amazing advice, but this point in particular resonated with me. Often I've gone shopping and been tired but don't feel like leaving empty handed and having "wasted time" and end up buying something that is 2nd best. Will def follow this advice.

I would start by looking at those clothes you don't wear, or don't bring you joy. Look at each item, and write down why you don't wear it, or why it doesn't bring you joy. Color? Fabric? Fit? Style? I'm guessing some patterns will emerge. Then you will know to avoid buying those type of clothes in the future.

@JenJBS this is going to be my weekend project now - great idea!

 

[JenJBS]

What a great thread! You all have such wonderful advice. Thanks @880 for pointing me to it.


@papertiger your whole post was amazing advice, but this point in particular resonated with me. Often I've gone shopping and been tired but don't feel like leaving empty handed and having "wasted time" and end up buying something that is 2nd best. Will def follow this advice.


@JenJBS this is going to be my weekend project now - great idea!

Thanks. Hope it helps.