How do you deal with your parents?

  1. I'm having a really hard time with my dad lately.
    We recently had an argrument on how he keeps trying to tell me what to do with my life.

    I'm only 20, young yes I know, but just because I'm young doesn't mean I don't know what I want to do with my life.

    Since age 16, my dad was always flying around and doing business heren there, so I've been pretty parentless every now and then...most of the time. But when he IS around, he tries to tell me what to do and it gets very aggravating.

    Our last and final ( for now) agrument was on how he wanted me to go back to Real Estate school in which I refuse bc I tried that already and I hate it, by which in the way, I just finished Beauty school for Skin care. Also I told him that I wanted him to let me do what I want without forcing me to do other things I didn't want to. He then told me " Fine, I'll leave u alone and good luck"

    I just emailed him since he's out of the country to tell him that I got my test date, and he replied coldly " Do what you want"


    I've had little problems at some points which my dad, or my mom, and I kept running back and forth to each side, ( they are divorce).
    Now I live with my mom again, officially and I'm content that I will be staying with her for good.

    Sometimes I just think its a controlling issue my dad has. Everytime that he came back in town and if I had a job, he would make me quit and say " What, I dont give u enough money?" He recently nagged to me about how I cant even make a DOLLAR. I had jobs before but he always made me quit. Now he calls me a bum and forces me to do stuff I don't want to.

    I don't know where this is going, but now I feel kind of ****ty since he told me to do what I want..

    I feel bad now.

    But after I finished and pass my exams, I'll be good to go and I don't think I'll have to hear from him again on how I can't do anything and make any of my own money...

  2. Don't feel bad.

    He's just being a prick (sorry, I know he's your dad and everything, but that's super-obnoxious behavior).

    If my parents ever told me what to do with my life I'd walk out the front door so fast. I think staying with your mom is a good idea. You're old enough now to be able to make your own decisions about your life.
  3. Its okay for callin him a prick. I call him a meanie. I just think he has a dominating problem. Thats why my mom divorced him. Maybe its bc he's afraid I will become indepedant and wont need him anymore?
  4. I think he just wants the best for you and he thinnk Real Estate is the best for you (or at least a good comfortable way to earn a living). You'd be surprised the number of kids being pressured to take on the family business or a certain type of job by their parents. I feels like he wants to see you successful and one of the few things he thinks you will be is getting into Real Estate. Do what you want. It's better to be happy doing what you love than be at a job that you hate.
  5. you poor baby. without knowing your dad, just judging by what you've written about him here, it sounds like he is probably very frustrated about not being around for you (ie; guilty) and is projecting that onto you. Sometimes when people cannot control their circumstances, they tend to try to control those around them. They think they are being caring, but its often more destructive as you are experiencing. He probably wants your life to be the perfect one he doesn't have and he thinks he has all the answers for you. You gotta just be strong. You sound like you are coming to that crossroads everyone comes to when they enter true adulthood. You have to seperate your goals from what your parents goals are for you. Power on through and do what you want to do with your life and just tell your dad, that you need his love and support, not his controlling criticism. Tell him he needs to allow you to live your life the way he was allowed to live his and if you make mistakes and fail, that will only build your resolve to do better. Everyones life is full of trial and error. It sounds cold but you gotta stop trying to please mommy and daddy. When they see how independent and competent you are, they will lay off and begin to see you for the mature young woman you are, not this little girl lost. (because they need to grow up in this too!)
    Just my 2 and a half cents because I went through something similar with my mom.
    love and strength to you! welcome to your 20's!


  6. Thank you SO much for your helpful response. You are right on all parts. In the last-last email that I wrote him that started all this drama, I asked him to leave me alone....but to be there for me when I need in a "father kind of way" I told him that I wanted to do my own thing so that I can learn on my own. I also told him that if he's always willing to be there for me all the time and to tell me what to do, I don't think that I'll get anymore far or independant. I thought what I said was right, but when he read it, it was like a 180 he did. Instead of trying to understand what I wanted, he totally flipped on me and told me "FINE, BE ON YOUR OWN."

    Then 2 days later , the days before we were avoiding each was so hard. After the 2 days, he finally spoke to me " GET DRESSED, WE'RE GONNA GO OUT TO EAT BREAKFAST AND TALK." in a demanding tone.

    He kept everything short, and explained to me that I'm still young and stupid and he also reminded me that if I don't listen to him, then I won't get anywhere in life and I'll live a so called " bad life".

    Sometimes its hard being in between your parents. My parents almost loathe each other, and whatever they have against each other, I'm in the middle.

    My dad blames my mom for everything I do.

    I actually recently tried convincing my mom to lets move out of town to get away from him. He gives us all a hard time very so often....unless he's out of town and no where in sight. :yucky:
  7. My dad is HARDLY around, If I could estimate, I saw him about 20 days out of the 365 days of the year, last year. But yeah, my point is, he thinks that I am always depressed and angry, because thats what he gets from me when he IS around. Thats because he stresses me out when he's around.....I feel like he doesn't really know who I am truly bc I am NOT depressed or aggravated. Only when he's around.

    He even recently commented " THE WAY U ARE, NO WONDER U DONT HAVE A BOYFRIEND!!".....little does he know....I have been having a loving boyfriend for almost a year now that loves me so much.

  8. sounds like you need to distance yourself from him then if he's being that thick headed. He just wants to get his way. If my dad treated me that way it would hurt like hell but I'd tell him, "dad you may think your'e helping me but you are hurting me. if you continue this way, I can't talk to you anymore." Then cut off communication with him. Hopefully, he'll see you mean business and hopefully he will swallow his pride and see that he needs to change his attitude. It sounds like its going to be a loooong road but as hard as it is, you cannot let his dysfunction occupy your whole being, causing you to curl up and stagnate. He sounds like he needs counseling but is no where near ready to admit it. It breaks my heart that you feel the need to actually move away from him - must be pretty bad.

    nip this in the bud now. see him for what he is behaving like, a controlling, mentally abusive person. don't accept this treatment. because if you don't deal with this properly now, I fear you'll end up marrying someone just like him.
  9. OY! your dad needs help. that is the meanest thing - I could never hear my dad saying that to me. cut him off now. don't talk to him but maybe every so often send him a card that just says simply, I love you dad and hope someday we will see eye to eye. things to that nature.

    ....and glad to hear you have a loving boyfriend. hope he doesn't ever display your dads tendencies.
  10. The way I deal with my parents:
    They are my best friends's both of them maybe because I am an only child. We have the best relationship in the world since I can remember and I'm 22.

  11. thanks for making me feel like poop.:crybaby:

  12. Yes, my boyfriend is confidently my potential future husband. I've met many guys already to figure out that this guy is totally worth my time. He's nothing like my dad would be! He gave up everything to move from Cali to FL with me just recently. We're starting over again and so far everything is good....:love:

  13. Agree sooo much on this!!!

    Also, parents sometimes just need to learn that you will not live the life they live or go the path they went- and that takes some time for them to understand... maybe they never will. But you have to keep doing what makes YOU happy and what YOU love- it is your life, not your dad's afterall. Stay strong- and try to explain to him if you can!!! :love:
  14. I don't think Chanel read the whole thread. :flowers:
  15. Do you think you can email him again and stress how you want him in your life as a dad but you need to stand on your own feet and make you way in life. If you fail at something it is a learning experience on your part, your successes will just add up. I think you are a very competent young woman who is trying to break free but wow are you getting this "emotional blackmail" is what I like to call it. You know, do it my way or noway........ I still get told what to do and I am 40+ years old. I think he might have guilt over not being there for you or perhaps he is so angry at your Mom which he has no control over that he now feels the need to control you. Be strong and hold your ground. I think beauty school is great, two people I know just did their state boards last year and they are very happy with being in the beauty industry.
    I think it is horrible to have a job you hate and RE just wasn't for you, so what, that is not the end of the world.
    I don't know if I helped in anyway but I just wanted you to know you are not alone and things will work out.
    Maybe he need to chill out and realize that you will make it on your own terms.