How Do You Deal With Tough Situations In Your Lives?

[JenJBS]

This is a LOT. I’m sorry you had to deal with so much on your plate at once, and I hope you have found or are working your way towards peace of mind & heart

Thank you. Much appreciated. It was over 20 years ago, and I was able to find peace thanks to my faith, and the support of wonderful family and friends.

At least the fires taught me physical items can be replaced - it's people that matter; and how to make new friends. But a truly brutal way for a child to learn those lessons.

 

[JenJBS]

It's all relative, right? Are we talking about losing family members to cancer or losing your job unexpectedly? You cannot use the former as a time to explore your personal growth because you're engulfed by grief. It would be inhumane to make it about yourself, rather than the people lost.
In the case of the latter, sure look for the positives and use the opportunity to try a new career, broaden your horizons, take risks.
Another example... are you escaping an abusive husband or are you getting out of an unhealthy marriage? In one, you are fighting to stay alive and there's no such thing as being grateful that your life is not boring. In the other, you have learned that this is not your person, what your deal breakers are, and what you may do differently in your next relationship.
Whilst it's admirable to have such a good attitude, what I'm saying is that it's not always possible in the circumstances.

I suppose I worry about sweeping generalizations like this one because they promote toxic positivity. It implies that if one does not find personal growth or the strength to see the sunny side during times of hardship, then they are lacking in attitude or have the wrong perspective somehow.
The reality, of course, is that life is complicated and the challenges we each face are complicated. Sometimes we can find growth, insight and positive outcomes during hard times, and sometimes, well we just have to be applauded for surviving those hard times someway, somehow.


With every post, I am reminded of just how remarkably resilient you are. And that you are still such a positive, bubbly and compassionate person with all that you have seen is just humbling.

I completely agree with what you said. Each challenge is different, and some of them it's a victory just to survive. I'm so sorry you've had to face such challenges. I don't know I would have survived the things you have. Your strength and goodness are really humbling, and inspiring.

 

[rugchomp]

I heard that counseling helps, anyone here have a good experience working with a counselor?

 

[880]

I’ve enjoyed reading this thread and everyone’s very thoughtful responses. I take a deep breath and just power through tough situations because there is often no choice. I try to be grateful for whatever I have and try to live life as best I can bc life is short. I’m not so much a fan of talk therapy. I do think cognitive behavioral therapy can help in certain cases. But, it’s all very individual. I wouldn’t turn back the clock for anything. I do try to focus on how I deal with things and not worry about how much better of differently another person might react.

 

[_Cina]

Very interesting thread! I can totally relate as I am going through major changes and hardships as well right now.

I was wondering if there is anything particular that helps you all with embracing change? Do you maybe also use any other sources on the Internet that help you (like forums, online counselling, quotes pages)? I am trying to be more open for help/support in any way, I was always dealing with stuff by myself and would consider myself a quite resilient person. But I have learnt recently that being open (even if it hurts because it means admitting) can also lead to some fantastic new relationships and opportunities...

 

[Robertallen]

I'm distracted by various board games, I like chess or poker. Those games that make you think and think over a strategy.

 

[Foryinath]

Unfortunate situations are unavoidable and it can trigger us sometimes
I dealt with my depression for years and it was torturing. People saw depression as a weak mental state and they only saw as if I was lazy person. I was fortunate when I watched a yoga video. My kid showed that video to me not on purpose. Since then, I enjoy doing yoga with my kids and they look cute using kids yoga mat.

 

[PANda_USC]

I know this thread is from last year but I imagine this is a discussion topic that could be helpful/useful for a lot of folx.

As many other tPFers mentioned, how we deal or cope is very situation-dependent, but in general, I have the following tools in my tool kit (it's always a good idea to have several ways to navigate stress and big feels in case a few of them don't feel right/work for me in a certain situation):

- I talk to my therapist. I understand therapy can be expensive, it's hard to find someone you connect with, and therapy can inaccessible for many (insurance may not cover it or only cover a few sessions), so if that is not an option...

- Talk to/share with people you trust. Letting the thoughts and feels out of your mind and out into the world takes some of the pressure off of yourself in navigating it alone. While it may feel difficult to sometimes share, you'll be amazed at the outpour of love and support that comes from your community. You'll realize you are not alone.

- Journal/write it down. Much like the point above, it gets the stuff out of your head and you get to see it on the page, and sometimes it helps to process everything by writing it down. You can notice/map trends, patterns and then develop action items for yourself. Nothing worse than feeling like everything is just too much, that you're drowning and helpless.

- Take walks/hikes, get fresh air to clear your head because sometime it's just a lot to feel and take on and you just need a moment to reset and zoom out.

- Exercise/Body Movement (it can be dance, yoga, running, biking, climbing, soccer, swimming), which will help produce endorphins, serotonin, all that good stuff. It's always a good idea to be in tune with your body.

- Read or watch something mindless and hilarious! We all need more levity and joy in our lives.

- Listen to some music that helps you relax or gets you excited and happy!

- Start a new hobby. Something that excites you, gets you jumping out of bed and inspired! Cooking, painting, learning a new language, playing an instrument, anything!

And remember, one thing at a time, one step at a time, and one day at a time. And if it's compounding issues, really trying to take time and space for yourself to zoom out, figure out what is in your control and what isn't, and focusing your energy on what you can control and how to best take care of yourself and the things you are important to you. Learning to accept and let go can help.

Good luck! And we're here for you and rooting for you, !

 

[mei1230]

Talk with families