How Do You Break Up With A friend ?

  1. How do you deal with friends who betray or abandon you ?

    Maybe you have a friendship that drains your energy because she/he misuses you for free therapy ?

    Please share your views and experiences.
  2. Hi Pradasmeadow, I recently had to cut off a long time friend of 7years. I found out that she betrayed my trust. She apologized and I forgave her. I hung out with her a few times after and things just weren't the same. I found myself feeling extremly uncomfortable and not really being myself. I watched what I said in front of her and got to a point were I just stopped hanging with her and stopped returning her calls. I also got to a point that the thought of her mad me SICK. She noticed and I fessed up to everything. Its been 6mos and she still emails me from time to time but I don't reply. It makes me sad that i can't get over it and that I cut her off but once I started feeling physically ill evertime she text me or left me a voice mail I knew it was time to move on.
  3. The only friend Ive ever broken up with was a long time ago highschool friend...and it was really over something as silly as her not letting me borrow something. I simply stopped talking to her and ignoring her whenever I saw her.
    Now that I think about it...I was really immature then. I see her every once in awhile at the grocery store or something but we just say a quick 'hi' and are on our way. still weird, I guess. Im over it but I don't think she is.

    hmm. maybe I should call and apologize for being so immature in highschool. I actually hadn't thought about it till now...
  4. I had to break up with a close friend when I walked in on her with my then bf. Other friends had warned me about her, but I ignored them thinking she was my good friend, she wouldn't do anything to hurt me. She didn't even try to apologize. She acted like it was my fault he cheated. His excuse was he's a guy; since I wouldn't give it up, he had to get it somewhere else :evil:
  5. If she's perceptive, you can probably just gradually distance yourself by taking a long time to call her back, being "busy" when she wants to make plans, ignoring emails, etc....just like we all probably do w/ guys we have dated a few times but then want rid of, lol.

    But if you were really close friends for a long time you may actually need to explain that you just feel like you are in a different place in your life and need to focus on other things right now. Try not to hurt her feelings (if she's using you for too much therapy -- I know the type! -- then she's probably pretty fragile) but be firm about not letting her take up more of your valuable time!
  6. Simply say "Look, you're an emotional vampire, get lost." Nice, maybe not, but direct and to the point, absolutely. I'm sorry, but I have no patience for betrayal. Good luck with whatever you choose to do.
  7. i recently got back together with a friend who i let go 2 years ago. we had been friends for about 6 years and i felt drained and she started copying me with handbags, clothing, hair, make up, and even lifestyle. i got pretty fed up and just let it go. i never stopped thinking of her though, she was still on my my mind. good and bad. after a while i would run into other people who knew her as well,and they would ask what happened to us. i would reply that things just got busy and that was it. they (a few) would tell me how she thought of me, how highly she respected me, and that she really appreciated the friendship we had. they said all these amazing things she had told them. needless to say i was shocked! then i picked up the phone one night and called her... a few emails and more phone calls, and i finally brought up why i had let our friendship go... it was a very emotional conversation...... and we talked and talked and talked. we are still talking. she no longer buys the same things as me, (she said she couldn't afford it anymore!) i have stayed the same..... and she - has found her true-self. she was envious of all that i had and wanted to be like me.... (we have all felt this in one way or another....) we are quite different yet so similar. we are now friends again....and she totally understands my obsession (PF) and she says... "i live vicariouly through you!"

    all is good. she still drives me nuts sometimes, but i'm sure i drive her nuts too!

    (wow! a little venting here!)thx
  8. I've gotten rid of a few friends, but this all happened a long time ago right after high school. It was for very good reasons. However I have a friend that I ignored for about a year, and now we are very close again, and she acts differently now. She used to lie alot, and tell stories that included me to people in front of me that never happened, and according to her every single one of my boyfriends hit on her all the time...the list goes on, anyhoo, she stopped acting like an idiot and everything is fine now. She doesn't do any of those things anymore.
  9. Oh my.... this subject is very much on my mind.
    I am glad you brought it up...maybe everyone here will have some suggestions for me.

    I have "broken" off friend relationships before but now I am in a sticky situation....

    This question right here wraps it up very neatly. :sad2:

    I have been working in my present position for about four years. I love my job and do NOT want to jeopardize it in any way.
    I have befriended someone here that is on my level but can do damage to me professionally...

    I do like her just fine, BUT, I am her free therapist. Where does being a good listener cross the line?
    I would like to think that I make a very good friend. I am fiercely loyal and do care deeply about the people that I love.
    I feel very taken advantage of though.
    In the last two years, I have had MANY personal issues to overcome. I have had neck surgery with more spinal surgery to come. I have had to come to terms with Chronic Pain and conditions that will only progress.
    My Mother:love: was diagnosed with Breast Cancer six months ago and I have been by her side through all the chemotherapy and treatment. (BTW, she is doing very well, Thank God)

    I am only talking about this so you can get an idea of what I have been dealing with.
    I do not really talk much about these things.
    BUT, this "friend" of mine just completely overwhelms me with her life, her children, her boyfriend, her job, etc.:wacko: :smile:
    EVERYDAY....She is in my office at least an hour a day (every day for lunch) and it is ALWAYS about her...

    You know how someone will start the conversation with, "How are you?", BUT they don't really care....or want to know...
    They just want you to get that out of the way so they can monopolize the conversation with their life.
    She does this ALL the time...

    BUT, like I said, we work together very closely. Other than just put up with it, I don't know what to do...

    I really do like her, BUT....What do I do?
    Anyone have any good suggestions?

  10. tell her the truth. tell her that its hard for you to hear all this stuff from her all the time. tell her you don't want to hear it right now. the truth is the best and only way to deal with issues like these. don't wait till you lose all your patience and then say things you really don't mean.

    and do not ask her "how are you!" :sick:

    good luck
  11. Pradasmeadow: Another great thread! This topic has been on my mund for the last two days.

    My experience has mostly consisted of friends betraying or using me. I finally worked up the courage recently to say sionara to some of these jerks. I actually had to deal with one of these jerks today though. Where do I begin...sigh. This girl and I have been kinda friends for close to two years. I was warned to keep a safe distance from her but I didn't listen. Needless to say, I learned my lesson the hard way. She took advantage of me constantly, asking for rides to the metro, little favors, etc. She would return favors so I thought nothing of it at the time. Anyhow, she showed her true colors later.

    She would make fun of the way I speak...I'm kind of proper but that's the way I was raised to speak and I can't change who I am now. She would laugh at me in public and make me feel sooo small. She had no regard for my time and would constantly keep me waiting when we had plans (up to 30 min or longer). She would also spend most of her time and energy chasing these "popular girls" in our grad school program and would ignore me in the process.

    I got so sick of her butt kissing ways when it came to other people. It just seemed like she had no backbone. She would do whatever it took to get people's attention. Then she would turn around and gossip about them as well. Word got back to me that she was talking about me as well and she once confessed to talking about me but said that the group she was talking to about me "misconstrued" her words. I got so fed up after a while that I had no choice but to cut her loose. I felt bad, probably worse than she did...but I can't put up with that crap anymore. Nobody deserves to be bulldozed and taken advantage of. She can take her antics elsewhere. I don't have the time or energy to devote to it. I ignore her every time I see her now. It's what I must do to retain my dignity after having my name dragged through the mud by her.

    Sorry this was so long. The point is that time is our most precious resource. Why spend it on some jerk that doesn't even care about you?
  12. If they betray or abandon me, I will just stop making an effort to get in touch with them if I haven't yelled at them or fought with them over what they did yet (in the case of betray, in case of abandon....I will never yell at them or get into a fight with them over it).
  13. Its sad that this is a such a common problem.

    Wow puddinhd, you must be a sweetheart to put up with this person. I think that you should just tell her that you're really upset and talk about your problems. When she sees that she can't complain to you I think she'll stop coming by so often. You could also claim that you're too busy to talk, but that may or may not work given your job.

    I'm glad to hear that you're mom is doing better and wow, I hope you feel better.

    I think the problem with these types is that they love to talk about their problems, but aren't willing to be there for you when you need them.

    My mom always says if you don't feel good about a relationship, any relationship, including friendship, something is wrong and you should cut it off. I had to cut someone off who I was really, really there for and it was painful, but I just gradually did it and now I feel a lot better. Emotional vampire, or really emotional tick, removed.
  14. "I dont love you anymore. Goodbye."

    lol Thats from the movie Closer. According to Natalie Portman, thats the only way to leave someone.

    I've had two instances in my life where I've had to "break up" with friends that betrayed me and whom I loved very much.

    The first girl, we both cried, but I told her I could never look at her the same way again after what she did to me (long story). We stopped talking and gradually grew apart. Unfortunately things became very bitter and fake between us whenever we did speak to each other.

    My second friend I loved very much but she did something to me that hurt very much and I simply stopped talking her. She was hurt and would talk to mutual friends about me and how she doesnt understand what my problem is, and I suppose things became bitter between us but unlike the first girl I've never talked to her since I stopped talking to her so I dont exactly know how things stand between us except for the fact that it's over.
  15. i usually tend to pull away from people like that. when i'm fed up with a person i'm just done with them. i stop taking their calls and i stay away from them as much as possible. when i've been betrayed it's easy for me to stop caring. i know the mature thing would be to talk it out but what's there to talk about when i don't even want to be friends with them anymore? so i just leave it at that. they get the clue sooner or later.