How do you ask for an upgrade for those that were sucessful?

My husband and I have been married for 8 years and got engaged very young and had a house. My diamond is a 1.03 carat and before we got engaged I always told him I wanted a 2 carat. Obviously with other commitments and being young and starting work it's hard to spend such a large amount on a ring. On top we paid for our whole wedding.

I have mentioned to my husband and I feel I have offended him by asking for a 2 carat or more. Obviously cost of diamonds are more and we also have more expenses now with kids.

I guess my question is how do you ladies approach the subject without being so rude to say I want an upgrade because the one you got me wasn't quite big enough?

My husband is a very romantic kind of guy so I probably could see one coming and don't know it. Just last month he surprised me with a YG love which was out of the ordinary.

How do you ladies do it? How do you convince your DH we need an upgrade!

I think it depends on your husband and your plans to do with the original stone. My engagement ring is 1.02 points. My hubby saw me reading this thread and said, "You better not ask to trade in your ring!" He was very offended by the even thought of me trading up my stone. (I got my ring at Tiffany's, and they do have a great trade in policy). He supports my love for jewelry, but our engagement ring means something to him.

My response was as follows: "You mean I would give up my stone. Honey, a woman should never give up a diamond. She just gets a bigger right hand ring." He laughed.

Personally, at this stage I do not want a larger diamond, but if I did I would ask to save for a large right hand ring. This way you keep the original stone and the sentiment as well as get the size you really want.
 
Like many people here have stated in the past, we aren't attached to a material object as a sign of our love. The RING doesn't make or break a marriage, and I am not changing the man, nor would I want to.

But it is kind of like asking if you wore neon sweatshirts and stretch pants when you and your DH met, should he continue to expect you to wear those things forever? Or would it be reasonable that your tastes should change at some point? And you weren't driving that Chevette because you loved the car? The fact is, many people decided on a ring based primarily on budget at the time they were engaged, and they went about buying a ring the same way they shopped for cars (with a very tight budget in mind). Now, some people are sentimental about cars, too, and that's fine. But I have never thought twice about buying a nicer car or one that suited me better as time went on, and I am not sentimentally attached to the object on my finger, either. I am attached to the man. Why people are so attached to their first RING, as opposed to their first car, their first home together, the first furniture they bought together, etc. puzzles me.

My original ring was based on budget first and foremost. At that time, three months salary would have purchased me a gumball ring (well, not quite, but pretty close!), so price was the primary consideration. Additionally, neither of us knew anything about diamonds or jewelry.

I had no shame in mentioning to my DH that I was interested in wearing something else. I think he was a little surprised at first, but I made it clear that just like almost every other object, our tastes change over time. I am keeping my original ring (there isn't anything in it really worth trading, TBH, as I was engaged with a .26 stone). And I have been married for over 15 years! If DH isn't secure in the fact that I love HIM and that the object doesn't make the committment, then he has been living with some serious insecurity all this time!

When I was ready (and saw the price of diamonds going up, up, up), I explained to him how much money we had, how we could pay for it in full and use no financing, and told him what I had my eye on. He later "surprised" me with a ring, but was sort of taken for a ride by the jeweler, so we bought online instead. I am patiently awaiting my ring's arrival near the middle-to-end of this month.
 
Like many people here have stated in the past, we aren't attached to a material object as a sign of our love. The RING doesn't make or break a marriage, and I am not changing the man, nor would I want to.

But it is kind of like asking if you wore neon sweatshirts and stretch pants when you and your DH met, should he continue to expect you to wear those things forever? Or would it be reasonable that your tastes should change at some point? And you weren't driving that Chevette because you loved the car? The fact is, many people decided on a ring based primarily on budget at the time they were engaged, and they went about buying a ring the same way they shopped for cars (with a very tight budget in mind). Now, some people are sentimental about cars, too, and that's fine. But I have never thought twice about buying a nicer car or one that suited me better as time went on, and I am not sentimentally attached to the object on my finger, either. I am attached to the man. Why people are so attached to their first RING, as opposed to their first car, their first home together, the first furniture they bought together, etc. puzzles me.

My original ring was based on budget first and foremost. At that time, three months salary would have purchased me a gumball ring (well, not quite, but pretty close!), so price was the primary consideration. Additionally, neither of us knew anything about diamonds or jewelry.

I had no shame in mentioning to my DH that I was interested in wearing something else. I think he was a little surprised at first, but I made it clear that just like almost every other object, our tastes change over time. I am keeping my original ring (there isn't anything in it really worth trading, TBH, as I was engaged with a .26 stone). And I have been married for over 15 years! If DH isn't secure in the fact that I love HIM and that the object doesn't make the committment, then he has been living with some serious insecurity all this time!

When I was ready (and saw the price of diamonds going up, up, up), I explained to him how much money we had, how we could pay for it in full and use no financing, and told him what I had my eye on. He later "surprised" me with a ring, but was sort of taken for a ride by the jeweler, so we bought online instead. I am patiently awaiting my ring's arrival near the middle-to-end of this month.

I agree. I can certainly appreciate the fact that an E-ring might have special, sentimental value and that's fine, but to some of us, a ring is simply a ring. DH and I were having date-night last weekend and I casually mentioned my thoughts on an upgrade over dinner. I just went back to work (part-time) after being a SAHM for over 8 years and we talked about how I might want to consider using some of the extra money towards a diamond upgrade. I reassured him that I wouldn't go crazy and he was fine with it. I think that a lot of it has to do with how you present it to him. My DH knew that while I still appreciate my current ring, my style has changed and I want a ring to reflect that.
 
Hmm. Maybe it is a USA thing. To be quite honest, my diamond is pretty small (by this board's standards), but I wouldn't want to replace it unless my husband offered to himself.

Nobody in my circle of friends has anything larger than 1CT, and we're all a bunch of fairly successful yuppies... LOL.
I think this is a USA thing... In Europe I don't see many flashy rings and most of people doesn't know about the up-grade policy. Usually a new ring (bigger or not) is a gift. I got a ring with a bigger diamond as a kind of a push gift (where I live there is no such thing as a push gift, but I introduced it to my family ;) ). I got my new ring only because I was leaving hints at first and then I just said that it would be great to have a new ring etc. It worked for me so good luck!
 
My husband proposed to me with a tiny (by this board's standard) 0.5 carat ring many many years ago. I love it with all my heart and wear it and protect it and baby it every single day.

It never bothers me that it is a pretty modest size ring, as I am a sentimentalist and anything that my husband gives me is priceless to me. I do have to say that I am envious of my friends who, one after another, got an upgrade, but still, I never wanna ask my husband as I know he is working hard to provide for me and our set of triplets (lots of work and money!!).

but recently, he surprised me with a 1.2 carat diamond ring. Again, the size is nothing to shout at, but I know what he is thinking, he wants me to know his love for me has gotten 'bigger', just like the diamond on my finger ... and I am going to treasure it as much as I treasure its 'smaller' sister, and thank God everyday for giving me such a wonderful husband and family.

Sorry if I am a little off-topic here :P
Your story is just wonderful! You're really lucky to have such a great DH!!!
 
Wow so many perspectives. I guess my husband just really knows me. So when we were getting engaged, 17 years ago, I told him I wanted a "BIG RING". It wasn't the respsonible thing to do at the time so we had one designed to fit our budget 1.5 cts. At 15 years and more income I went back to the jeweler and had 5ct plus ring designed like I wanted. He just grunted and that was it. We kept the original and I wear which ever I am in the mood for. I guess it wasn't such a big deal because he knew it was coming at some point. My husband is not the type to surprise me with presents. Our friends are at both extremes either a simple gold band or big diamonds.
 
It really interesting with everyone's perspective. Some have sentimental value and some it's just a ring. The larger ring would be so nice. But setting aside money and approaching it seems like a great idea. I don't need him to buy it as I can buy it myself. But would be nice as a gift from him. ;)
 
I wonder if the more sentimental ones are more newly married. There does seem to be some correlation between length of marriage and sentimentality here hehe. Not everyone of course, but I think I see a connection here.
 
I wonder if the more sentimental ones are more newly married. There does seem to be some correlation between length of marriage and sentimentality here hehe. Not everyone of course, but I think I see a connection here.

LOL! I am married for many years (15 years anniversary next year), so I am not sure which camp I fall under.
 
I wonder if the more sentimental ones are more newly married. There does seem to be some correlation between length of marriage and sentimentality here hehe. Not everyone of course, but I think I see a connection here.

Not Me! :P I got my upgrade before we were married ... and I didn't ask.. I told! :lol:
I still have the origional diamond though, I plan to do something with it someday. Maybe that counts as being sentimental?
 
LOL! I am married for many years (15 years anniversary next year), so I am not sure which camp I fall under.
Perhaps sentimental :hbeat:
Not Me! :P I got my upgrade before we were married ... and I didn't ask.. I told! :lol:
I still have the origional diamond though, I plan to do something with it someday. Maybe that counts as being sentimental?

Yes that counts! I reset my ring right before my wedding, and then I was a serial resetter after that. A girl has a right to change her mind, right? But..I do have the settings still, maybe that's sentimental too. ;)
 
I don't stop by the jewelry section too often but obviously i have too much time on my hands today :smile:

I would be seriously offended if my wife came to me with such a request. Ironically, she would have every reason to as we got engaged a very long time ago and we were seventeen at the time, so I don't know what size diamond is in the ring but it is obviously pretty tiny and nowhere near a carat like the OP's. (For various reasons, neither of us wear rings at all so it's in the jewelry box).

To me that ring symbolizes a certain time and place in our lives and to upgrade or change it would be like throwing it away and would just be bad karma for our marriage.

Now if my wife came to me and said I would really like to buy a nice diamond ring or some similar expensive piece of jewelry, well, I would have no problem at all with that.

I'm not sure how this works. So if your wife wanted a larger diamond to wear you would be fine with it, but if she wanted to change the setting or trade in her current ring you would not? I can understand that, as I would never get rid of or change the ring I currently have (not that there's anything wrong with those who do). So does that still count as an upgrade to you - buying a new ring with a larger diamond to wear on the "marriage finger"? Or does it only count as an upgrade to you if she trades in or changes the old one? Many people do it either way, depending on their attachement to the original ring/setting, but the result is still generally considered an "upgrade" regardless of whether the original ring was traded/changed or kept.
 
i'm just wondering. Are you ladies asking because he bought you your first engagement ring and the new one would be an upgrade to the original "engagement ring"? Thus, he would still be the "buyer"?

I kinda looked at it as an investment. I kept the original ring. Since the new one was pretty expensive (for us anyway), i considered it an investment. It's something i'm planning to pass on to my daughter. It's part of the family assets.

Maybe you all mean it out of politeness. I told my dh that in five years, i want a three stone, and that i want to start setting funds aside now on a regular basis, kinda like buying a car. I guess i'm a bit of a control freak cause i'm not letting something as important as whether i buy a significant piece of jewelry depend on whether my hubby gets a hint. He's totally fine with it. We save, and when we have the amount that i project we will need, we go buy it. (yeah, i'm not romantic about much.) :amuse:
exactly my thoughts