How do you ask for an upgrade for those that were sucessful?

I don't see as asking for a larger ring as shallow. But just something I really wanted personally. However I can understand the sentimental value as I still have his promise ring in place and didn't change it. This was just something I wanted and merely wanted to see how others asked. Didn't mean to offend anyone.
 
Hmm. Maybe it is a USA thing. To be quite honest, my diamond is pretty small (by this board's standards), but I wouldn't want to replace it unless my husband offered to himself.

Nobody in my circle of friends has anything larger than 1CT, and we're all a bunch of fairly successful yuppies... LOL.
 
I'm just wondering. Are you ladies asking because he bought you your first engagement ring and the new one would be an upgrade to the original "engagement ring"? Thus, he would still be the "buyer"?

I kinda looked at it as an investment. I kept the original ring. Since the new one was pretty expensive (for us anyway), I considered it an investment. It's something I'm planning to pass on to my daughter. It's part of the family assets.

Maybe you all mean it out of politeness. I told my DH that in five years, I want a three stone, and that I want to start setting funds aside now on a regular basis, kinda like buying a car. I guess I'm a bit of a control freak cause I'm not letting something as important as whether I buy a significant piece of jewelry depend on whether my hubby gets a hint. He's totally fine with it. We save, and when we have the amount that I project we will need, we go buy it. (Yeah, I'm not romantic about much.) :amuse:
 
I don't mean to be rude, but why would you want an upgrade when you already have such a large stone? I am not surprised your husband was offended, to be honest. It is one thing buying you a beautiful gift like a Love bracelet as a surprise (what a lovely husband) and another to be asked for a larger stone to replace something he gave you from his heart when he asked you to marry him and is already a large size by anyone's standards. It makes you seem shallow.

I just mentioned this scenario to my husband to see what he said and his mouth dropped open. Maybe it is a cultural difference as we live in the UK where people seem to place less emphasis on large diamonds but, to me, it is not even about the size but the fact that your husband chose it for you and it symbolises the love and commitment he felt/feels for you.

I don't want to offend you but this is just my opinion. Your husband sounds like a real treasure and already very generous to buy you a Cartier Love without even being asked.

If you are really intent on getting a larger ring I would just leave it as you have mentioned it to your husband and planted the seed - it sounds like he will just get more annoyed if you bring the subject up again, given his initial reaction.

Agreed...I think to say "shallow" is perhaps a harsh term, but I do think it is nice to appreciate what is given with the heart, and being happy with that.:smile:
 
My husband proposed to me with a tiny (by this board's standard) 0.5 carat ring many many years ago. I love it with all my heart and wear it and protect it and baby it every single day.

It never bothers me that it is a pretty modest size ring, as I am a sentimentalist and anything that my husband gives me is priceless to me. I do have to say that I am envious of my friends who, one after another, got an upgrade, but still, I never wanna ask my husband as I know he is working hard to provide for me and our set of triplets (lots of work and money!!).

but recently, he surprised me with a 1.2 carat diamond ring. Again, the size is nothing to shout at, but I know what he is thinking, he wants me to know his love for me has gotten 'bigger', just like the diamond on my finger ... and I am going to treasure it as much as I treasure its 'smaller' sister, and thank God everyday for giving me such a wonderful husband and family.

Sorry if I am a little off-topic here :P
 
i'm in the uk too :smile:


I don't mean to be rude, but why would you want an upgrade when you already have such a large stone? I am not surprised your husband was offended, to be honest. It is one thing buying you a beautiful gift like a Love bracelet as a surprise (what a lovely husband) and another to be asked for a larger stone to replace something he gave you from his heart when he asked you to marry him and is already a large size by anyone's standards. It makes you seem shallow.

I just mentioned this scenario to my husband to see what he said and his mouth dropped open. Maybe it is a cultural difference as we live in the UK where people seem to place less emphasis on large diamonds but, to me, it is not even about the size but the fact that your husband chose it for you and it symbolises the love and commitment he felt/feels for you.

I don't want to offend you but this is just my opinion. Your husband sounds like a real treasure and already very generous to buy you a Cartier Love without even being asked.

If you are really intent on getting a larger ring I would just leave it as you have mentioned it to your husband and planted the seed - it sounds like he will just get more annoyed if you bring the subject up again, given his initial reaction.
 
why is wanting a larger ring shallow? its not a priority for me right now, but i dont think if someone wants to upgrade a 3 carat ring which is pretty huge to a 4 carat ring is shallow
not at all, if its what you like its what you like and if your husband is happy to buy it why not right?
 
I didn't mean to offend anyone. Obviously if a mutual decision is taken to upgrade a ring and both are happy with that, then that's great :smile: I was just trying to see the situation from the OP's husband's perspective since she mentioned in her post that he was actually offended by her asking. I didn't mean she is shallow as a person, just that her husband might think she is less than appreciative of her existing ring and the sentiment attached to that; he might also feel that the bracelet purchase was a pretty major gesture.
 
I don't stop by the jewelry section too often but obviously i have too much time on my hands today :smile:

I would be seriously offended if my wife came to me with such a request. Ironically, she would have every reason to as we got engaged a very long time ago and we were seventeen at the time, so I don't know what size diamond is in the ring but it is obviously pretty tiny and nowhere near a carat like the OP's. (For various reasons, neither of us wear rings at all so it's in the jewelry box).

To me that ring symbolizes a certain time and place in our lives and to upgrade or change it would be like throwing it away and would just be bad karma for our marriage.

Now if my wife came to me and said I would really like to buy a nice diamond ring or some similar expensive piece of jewelry, well, I would have no problem at all with that.
 
OP is not asking opinions on whether or not anyone else would upgrade, or if it's shallow to ask for an upgrade!
Is it wrong that my dh has upgraded his watch repeatedly from the Tag I bought him originally for our wedding? Or is it only wrong to upgrade a diamond? Seriously, this thread is asking how to approach her husband, not whether or not you would. Let's not get all judgy in a forum where "shallow obsessing is strongly encouraged". OP should not have to feel badly about asking a common question.
 
OP is not asking opinions on whether or not anyone else would upgrade, or if it's shallow to ask for an upgrade!
Is it wrong that my dh has upgraded his watch repeatedly from the Tag I bought him originally for our wedding? Or is it only wrong to upgrade a diamond? Seriously, this thread is asking how to approach her husband, not whether or not you would. Let's not get all judgy in a forum where "shallow obsessing is strongly encouraged". OP should not have to feel badly about asking a common question.

I agree up to a point, however OP did ask for advice and mentioned that she had offended her husband, so I was just pointing out why he might be less than receptive to such a request since she seems determined to plough on and hint for an upgrade anyway. Going forward she has planted the seed in his mind now, so he might end up agreeing to an upgrade anyway without her needing to say anything else about it to him.

I also dislike the use of the word 'upgrade' - it implies there was something wrong or inferior with what was originally bought to begin with.

Personally, I would care more about my DH's feelings than any desire for a bigger ring.
 
I don't stop by the jewelry section too often but obviously i have too much time on my hands today :smile:

I would be seriously offended if my wife came to me with such a request. Ironically, she would have every reason to as we got engaged a very long time ago and we were seventeen at the time, so I don't know what size diamond is in the ring but it is obviously pretty tiny and nowhere near a carat like the OP's. (For various reasons, neither of us wear rings at all so it's in the jewelry box).

To me that ring symbolizes a certain time and place in our lives and to upgrade or change it would be like throwing it away and would just be bad karma for our marriage.

Now if my wife came to me and said I would really like to buy a nice diamond ring or some similar expensive piece of jewelry, well, I would have no problem at all with that.

Agree 100%.
 
Dear OP, perhaps a more subtle and diplomatic way would be to remind DH that you treasure the ring he got you and in no way would you trade it in for another ring. If you could, perhaps hint that you would be overjoyed with a ring to mark a wedding anniversary instead? I do understand that a sentimental husband might be a little upset if he thought the original e-ring was no longer appreciated and you wanted a 'better' one, especially if this was untrue. But he is obviously a great husband who is generous and wants you to be happy so perhaps pointing out some nice pieces in magazines would gently push him in the right direction.
I never used the word 'upgrade' with my DH and my original e-ring was the same size as yours, but he has always known my love for jewellery, big and small pieces, so I could suggest a 10-year anniversary ring with no problems. It also helped that I got him a Patek in return!
 
etk123 said:
OP is not asking opinions on whether or not anyone else would upgrade, or if it's shallow to ask for an upgrade!
Is it wrong that my dh has upgraded his watch repeatedly from the Tag I bought him originally for our wedding? Or is it only wrong to upgrade a diamond? Seriously, this thread is asking how to approach her husband, not whether or not you would. Let's not get all judgy in a forum where "shallow obsessing is strongly encouraged". OP should not have to feel badly about asking a common question.

I completely agree. This is not the place to discuss the morals of upgrade and let's just focus on answering OPs question.

OP I think those of us who got an upgrade, our DH's were completely on board with the whole project. So most important thing is how your DH feels about it. I never had to convince my DH that I need an upgrade. He knew I wanted a bigger ring, he was supportive of the idea. So when the timing was right we went for it.
 
My dad proposed to my mom with a .30ish ct pear which she wore for 20 some-odd years. She's very into jewelry and always talked on and off about getting a "rock" and how her SIL had a 1ct diamond. My dad saved money and randomly bought her a bigger ring (it is a little over .60ct I think?) as an anniversary surprise (although still not as big as she would like!). They had her original stone set in a necklace and her 5 stone band set into 2 sets of earrings (with one stone left over). They gave me the necklace and split the earrings between my brother and I. I like knowing that I have this neat pendant that was the ring my dad originally proposed to my mom with, and she's happy(ish, lol) to have a bigger ring. I know this doesn't really address the issue of how to approach your husband about it, but I think if you have a daughter or even a son, you could make a new piece of jewelry with the original ring that would still be a beautiful, meaningful piece without necessarily "throwing" it away. My parents are pretty open, and my dad always knew that my mom wanted a bigger stone, but they had other priorities (kids, retirement, a second home, etc) that they both would have rather used money towards. I think it depends on your relationship and how you approach it, and what matters to you and makes sense financially at the time. Good luck, OP! :smile: