How close in age should children be ~~for all you moms out there help!~~

  1. For those of you who have more then one child, what are your experiences with having kids 2, 3 or more years apart. My dilema is, DH wants to have another one soon and my daughter is only 18 month old. He wants me to get pregnant before she turns two so they could be less then 2 years apart. I don't think I can handle a toddler and and newborn. I'm not ready to face sleep deprivation and screaming toddlers.:wacko: My daughter finally wakes up after 8am and can preoccupy herself with toys and other things while I do stuff. I just don't know how other women do it, I've seen moms at the mall with a newborn in a baby bjorn and one in the stroller and another one walking next to it. :nuts: DH says when kids are two years apart they tend to be friends more then if they are 3 or more years apart. I don't think it's true. but I was an only child. Please share your motherly wisdom ladies.. I'm just a beginner at this and don't know if waiting too long will prove to be a good or bad thing.
  2. I have 2 girls, they r 7yrs apart. It's not good!
  3. What do YOU want? If you feel you can't handle it, then your husband shouldn't be pressuring you into having another child so soon.
  4. My two daughters are four years apart (now 6 and 10) and I think it's just right. The older one was in preschool when the second came, so I didn't go crazy. And at 4 she was very loving and gentle to the baby.

    Now they get along pretty well. Still have little fights here and there, but for the most part loving.

    My older sister (and firstborn) is only 16 months older than me. I always felt I was forced to tag along with her since we were so close in age. And everything I did was compared too much to her accomplishments, which STUNK! It was such a relief when she went away to college first, so I could finally blaze my own path...

    Now my younger sister has two girls only two years apart (1 and 3), and I know she wishes she could have spaced them further...but that biological clock was ticking...
  5. I agree completely...

    My brother and I are seven years apart--my parents didn't plan it that way--but it worked. He and I are actually really close. Part of my parents' deal with letting me use the car was that I HAD to chauffer him around. And I lived at home for college, so I was around when he was growing up. If anything, the gap seems to have gotten smaller as we've gotten older.

    But I think we might be unusual for the gap that we have. From what I've seen about 3-4 years is good. Two years can create more competition IMO.
  6. my younger brother and i are two years apart and very very close. i consider him one of my best friends. my younger sister and i are five years apart and have only been close in the last year or so. my older brother and sister are five and six years older than i am, and we are also not very close (although it is getting better as we get older).

    i loved having a sibling so close in age. yeah, we fought a lot, but it was like having a built in friend. i think it's harder as the age difference grows because you're interested in different things.

    that said, if you're not ready to have another baby, you're not ready to have another baby and that should be the end of the discussion. :smile:
  7. My kids are 18 months apart and it works really well - the are good friends and play well together ( and fight a lot, but I guess all siblings do. My girl is 8, my bo 6. That said, I must admit that the baby-years were hard - a toddler & a baby equals no sleep, feeding & diaper changing 24/7 etc etc. BUT these years pass quickly, then you are done and can enjoy more freedom & sleep.. If you wait, you also expand the baby-years (that would have made me crazy).

    It does depend on your first child. If your firstborn if calm, then a baby might be a good thing. If not, it might be better to wait - an exhausted & depressed mother is not a good thing for any family.

    And finally, it also depends A LOT on the support you have from your husband. If he insists on a second child, is he also willing to take his share of sleepless nights, changing soiled diapers, taking the toddler to the park to give you time alone with the baby, caring for both kids during weekends to give you time to sleep? You might want to discuss this with him in detail - before deciding what to do.

    Good luck and follow your heart!
  8. Hm. I agree that you should do what YOU want and listen to your heart, no pressure.

    What your husband said may be true, but I'm sure that's not always the case. For instance (and I dont know if this varies between sister/sister, brother/brother, or sister/brother situations), but my older brother and me, yeah we were friends for a short while when we were young, but it didnt last long. We didn't get really close again until about 2 years ago.

    You all are family, I'm sure the kids will love each other no matter what, you know?

    Good luck!
  9. Well, my younger brother and I are a little over two years apart, and we spent pretty much the whole of our childhood fighting. I mean sure, we played together and were friends, but we fought like Hell too. And from my observations fo my friends growing up, its even worse when its siblings close in age and of the same gender.

    I think its a very personal decision, and if you're not ready for another child yet, then you're not ready.
  10. My children are exactly two years apart, except the fourth one, who is three years younger than his sister. I was just too tired at that point to space them two years apart. It has worked for me.
  11. I think if you don't feel like having a second one right now don't let you be talked into it because I believe that you can trust your feeling and instincts about it. I just have one son because I never wanted more than one. Close friends of us and of my son seem to have a schedule. She gets another child every 3 years and right now she's pregnant with the 4th. I'm a kind of second mum to the other 3 boys who are 9,almost 6 and 2 years old. All of them are friends with my son (he's 8)so they spend quite a lot of time at our hours. I love them dearly but I'm exhausted when I had 4 boys here. I actually admire the patience and caring atmosphere my friend provides for her kids. She's working as a midwife part time and she's just a born mother. I always knew about myself that I'm not so devoted to kids and therefor I decided just to have one child instead messing up a whole family. What I want to say is it's all about how much you can take or willing to take. I think that siblings with any age gap can be good friends or they just don't match but I don't think it has that much to do with age. My hubby is really good friends with his younger brother (7 years ) and he hasn't talked to his older brother (3 years) for years.
  12. To be perfectly honest, the thought of having even one child chills me to the bone, so don't give in to family/social pressure to have children x years apart. If you're going to be harassed, depressed and unhappy, you're not giving your family what it and you deserve.
    You aren't making kids to fit your or someone else's schedule and there's nothing you can do about them fighting, etc, it's a question of character.
  13. As an oldest child with a sister only 15 months younger, I say wait. There was a lot of unecessary competition growing up and to this day whenever I say something to my sister she tries to turn it in to some kind of contest. Plus, since I am the oldest, I had less time being the "baby", KWIM? I encourage all fist time mothers to get more "experience" mothering before having second, third child etc. My youngest sisters had it easier than me because my mom was more relaxed at that point and didn't freak out about everything. You are still very young, have a calmness and almost a routine with your baby, it wouldn't hurt to give yourself a "break" for a few more years. Just my opinion.
  14. YOU have to do what is right for YOU! Everyone is different! It depends on your life and how you live it...My kids are 6 years apart...2 diff marriages...thats why! They are not close though....Whatever works for you is what matters! You will KNOW when the time is right..I promise!!Just listen to your self...not us...we can give you advice but it really depends on your situation and your lifestyle!
    GOOD LUCK!!!!
  15. My sister is 2 years younger than me. We still don't get along (I'm 24)!! After seeing some of my other friends who had siblings spaced further apart, I wish my mother had waited. My FH and his brother are only 18 months apart. They didn't get along at all until one went to college!

    Do what you feel is right for you. Don't let DH pressure you. You may resent it in the end if you had another now.