How can you cope with losing your engagement ring just before the wedding? :(

[lazyfoxie]

I can't believe I lost my engagement ring and I don't know where else to express my feelings. I hope people here can help one way or another, as you would understand my grief.
2 weeks ago, while doing a short filming in a boutique that I own, I had to take out my solitaire engagement ring for a close-up shot of my hand. I left it in my pants pocket and completely forgot. I changed to a different pants later and didn't remember until the next day. I search those pants over and over again and turn the whole coffee shop upside down to look for it but it's nowhere to be found. My shop staff also helped looking for it but it didn't help. I trust my staff not to steal it, but the shop is always busy with guests. The ring is very small and if it fell out, it's unlikely to be found by a guest that just passed by.
I just feel so sad and at first very angry at myself for losing not just the most valuable jewellery piece I ever received, but also my favourite. My fiance and I have been together for 10 years before he proposed and the ring means a lot to me. I fell great every time I looked at it. I can buy another ring someday, but it broke my heart to think of how hard he searched for it and prepared for giving it to me. I still haven't found a way to tell him, or decided if I can ever tell him or just find another ring and never let him know... My wedding is coming in more than a month and I can't keep hiding the ring being lost then.
I know very well how lucky I am to still have my happy relationship, my job, and perhaps my husband wouldn't blame me or anything if he knew, but it still doesn't lighten the pain.
I used to have things misplaced at my boutique in mysterious ways and many people say some spirits do that to get our attention. I did ask them nicely to return it if they took my ring.
I also prayed to St. Anthony, the saint of lost things. Maybe a miracle can happen. For now, it's just very sad to deal with this alone, as I can't tell anyone. People around me would probably freak out.
Has anyone here experience something like this and can share with me how you cope with this? What I can do to forgive myself? Should I tell my fiance or anyone else? I can look for the money to buy another ring to hide this from anyone, but using such a lot of money when I have a wedding coming is also very unrealistic and quite painful...
Sorry for such a long post but I don't know where else to turn to.

 

[AntiqueShopper]

I am sorry you lost your engagement ring. It is definitely a hard thing to lose. Was it insured? Did you file a police report? I know that it may be difficult but you will have to tell your future husband. There will be a point that he looks down at your finger and sees the missing ring. You can only hide it for so long. Plus you may feel a little better after telling him the truth. Hiding a big secret around such an important time in your life is never a good idea.

 

[Newchanel]

I have lost a few things before and cried my heart out each time. And lest you think I'm very careless, I'm usually careful with my stuff.

The hardest was my first wedding anniversary gift. I still feel heart broken about it. My husband was a great comfort. He told me that material things are always replaceable no matter how special.

Tell your future husband and let him share your burden. After all, that's what you'd do in a marriage in future. I'm sure he'd find a way to share your burden and help you forgive yourself because he loves you more than a ring.

It's heart breaking and I'm so sorry this happened. A big hug to you.

 

[leechiyong]

***hugs*** I'm so sorry this happened to you.

I'd tell your fiancé ASAP. As painful as it is, you need to share this with him, so you can then focus on your upcoming nuptials. If he doesn't notice the missing ring, he will notice you acting weird. You two can come up with a solution that works for the two of you, such as getting an inexpensive ring for the wedding. I can definitely understand your panic, but spending that much money on another ring without at least discussing with him is much, much worse than losing the ring. It'll help to not have to feel like you're hiding something.

Here's to hoping it turns up. Talk to him regardless. You two are partners.

 

[Compass Rose]

Just grasping at straws here....one time I thought I lost a ring that fell out of my hand and totally disappeared into thin air. I found it the next day in the cuff of my pants!! I would check all the pockets and wouldnt that be amazing if you were wearing cuffs and found it??

 

[ame]

You HAVE to tell your fiance. Check the pockets, the cuff and your laundry basket, all around your house.

 

[Peppi1975]

My heart aches for you! Fingers crossed and good vibes your way that you find it.

There were too many times to count when I have done the same thing, put rings in my pocket or put them on my lap while driving to apply lotion to my hands only to realize in a horror that I completely forgot about them. Especially after one of the TPF members shared her scary story (fortunately with a happy ending) about loosing her wedding set from her lap, I am now making it a point to put my rings somewhere safe to wash hands or to put lotion etc.

You have been with this man for over 10 years and surely hope to spend the rest of your life with him. Hopefully you will have mostly happy moments together, but life is also full of heartaches, disappointments, scares and losses. How this man reacts to bad things in your life and shows his support and is able to pull you out of your funk is what makes him the love of your life, your best friend, your partner. If you are unable to tell him your worst, who then?! Do tell him. Tell him exactly what you told us.

It is nobody's business but yours and your fiance's and if you don't feel like telling anyone else, then don't. I don't think it is wise to cover up the loss by secretly purchasing a replacement. Don't start your marriage with a lie. Rule #1 in my very happy 19 year long relationship: If you are about to do something you cannot tell your partner about, you are doing something wrong - stop & don't do it.
You have not done anything wrong!!! It was an accident!!! If his reaction to this emotional, but not life altering loss is unkind, hurtful and blown out of proportion... I am sure no need to finish this sentence.
I have a feeling, he might surprise you with how he handles this little hiccup in your long and happy life with him. There is a reason why you have been together for over a decade.

Please give us an update

 

[MatAllston]

Don't give up and keep looking for your ring. Check your purse and the drawers too as you may have put your ring there instead of your pocket.

You need to tell your fiancé about this ASAP. I have been married for over 20 years and I always tell my husband things immediately: good ones, bad ones and even though some of them are annoying but I don't hold anything back.

Sending positive thoughts you way.

 

[lazyfoxie]

Thank you so much everyone for sending your good thought and support to me. No I still haven't found it and still looking. You might wonder why my FI hasn't noticed... He's on business trip away and one of the reasons why I hesitated to tell him is because I'm not sure if it's right to tell him while he's not with me physically. I think not being able to tell him makes the whole thing worse.
I have been searching for articles and found out that many people lost their rings, to some, after decades of happy marriage. Some found theirs after a short while or sometimes many months later. Of course some never did but moved on. I'm glad to have found those articles and they definitely helped. You support mean so much to me. I'll tell my FI about it as he's my best friend. If I could ever tell a friend, it should be him.
Thank you so so much! I still hope I'll find it again, although it'll be a miracle then. But miracles do happen, don't they?

 

[BigPurseSue]

Here's a thought. Consider hiring someone with a high-end metal detector who specializes in finding lost rings. The metal detectors in use today are really incredible at pinpointing metal of a given specification (size, shape, metal-type, etc.) in different environments and even from a distance.

My DH lost his wedding ring a few years ago and had absolutely no idea where he lost it. Could have been in the yard, could have been at work, could have been outside work, etc. He was crazy nuts frantic. I considered renting a metal detector, but we had no idea how to use one. And they do require a certain skill set to use effectively. Plus the ones you rent through the local hardware store are usually not that great. As luck would have it I located someone locally who searches for lost rings as a hobby through this web site: https://theringfinders.com/

He interviewed DH about the places he thought he might have been when he lost his ring. He came out a few hours later and had a sample guy's wedding ring which he used to get readings on his detector in various spots in the yard. He was also going to search the area around DH's office if he couldn't find it in our yard. He found the lost ring within about ten minutes. We were ecstatic. Everyone present was screaming, shouting and clapping. It was buried beneath the snow and ice in a spot we had searched at least a dozen times. We just hadn't seen it. Amazing! The guy said he had found hundreds of lost wedding and engagement rings over the years, even some beneath the ocean or lakes. He had different metal detectors for different environments. The one he used to search for DH's ring was this monster apparatus with a digital screen.

So I suggest giving one of these people a call. It's worth a shot.

I'm so sorry about the loss of your ring! That's gotta be devastating. Take heart that it is very common to lose rings. Many people do.

 

[Wamgurl]

I lost my ring and found it in a fast food bag that I had thrown in the trash (so glad I thought to look there!). The next time I thought it went down the drain in the bathroom and I had my husband tear the plumbing apart - after a few hours I found it under the soap tray. I suggest you retrace your steps and look in the most unexpected place. Good luck.

 

[Violet Bleu]

Here's a thought. Consider hiring someone with a high-end metal detector who specializes in finding lost rings. The metal detectors in use today are really incredible at pinpointing metal of a given specification (size, shape, metal-type, etc.) in different environments and even from a distance.

My DH lost his wedding ring a few years ago and had absolutely no idea where he lost it. Could have been in the yard, could have been at work, could have been outside work, etc. He was crazy nuts frantic. I considered renting a metal detector, but we had no idea how to use one. And they do require a certain skill set to use effectively. Plus the ones you rent through the local hardware store are usually not that great. As luck would have it I located someone locally who searches for lost rings as a hobby through this web site: https://theringfinders.com/

He interviewed DH about the places he thought he might have been when he lost his ring. He came out a few hours later and had a sample guy's wedding ring which he used to get readings on his detector in various spots in the yard. He was also going to search the area around DH's office if he couldn't find it in our yard. He found the lost ring within about ten minutes. We were ecstatic. Everyone present was screaming, shouting and clapping. It was buried beneath the snow and ice in a spot we had searched at least a dozen times. We just hadn't seen it. Amazing! The guy said he had found hundreds of lost wedding and engagement rings over the years, even some beneath the ocean or lakes. He had different metal detectors for different environments. The one he used to search for DH's ring was this monster apparatus with a digital screen.

So I suggest giving one of these people a call. It's worth a shot.

I'm so sorry about the loss of your ring! That's gotta be devastating. Take heart that it is very common to lose rings. Many people do.

That is such a cool story!

 

[googlewhack]

I've never posted on TPF but have spent many happy times gazing at everyone's fabulous bags. I felt compelled to reply to your post and you have my heartfelt sympathy for losing your ring. Despite being very careful I've lost two extremely (sentimentally) precious items over the years and was left feeling devastated. We turned the house upside down and my then boyfriend of a few months even left the job he was working on locally and went through the communal bins in pouring rain (he’s a keeper, we’ve been together for years now!) We never found the watch my dad gave me but he saw how upset I was at losing it and he was a great source of comfort.

All the suggestions have been great and I totally agree that your fiancé needs to know. If he is half the man you think he is he will understand your grief over losing the ring and support you. It’s a huge deal but essentially it is a token of your feelings for each other. Whatever feelings we invest into objects, you’ve lost the token, not his love and it’s the person and memories that you cherish.

The metal detector sounds like a fab idea and this story I saw the other day may give you hope

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-39894787

Wife 'stunned' by wedding ring find

Good luck and keep your chin up!

 

[rubysoma]

OMG, I did this! Lost my engagement ring about a month before the wedding - the day of my bridal shower.

I went over my running path (I ran that morning) and tore my place apart. I was completely distraught and immediately told my fiance. He was incredibly supportive and said he would just buy another one and never once got upset at me. We hired a plumber to go through our pipes and he couldn't find it either and said it would probably show up eventually. My fiance ended up buying me another engagement ring (although slightly smaller), but 2 weeks before the wedding I was looking through my jewelry box and found my original engagement ring! It was so odd, because I only put costume jewelry in there and both my fiance and mom looked through the jewelry box twice without finding the ring.

My husband ended up losing his wedding ring during our honeymoon. I had chastised him several times for taking it off and playing with it like it was a quarter (spinning it on tables etc) and after one dinner, we realized he no longer had it! I knew I couldn't get upset since I had lost my engagement ring before the wedding and he was so kind. Anyways, we were waiting for a boat to take us back to our hotel and I glanced down at the floor and saw his ring buried in the sand where I was sitting!

Sometimes these things just turn up where you least expect it!

Let me just add that I think I may have subconsciously misplaced my ring because I had significant pre-wedding jitters since I've never wanted to get married ever. I had severe cold feet and even called my mom crying that I had made a mistake. But his reaction was so kind and supportive, that I knew I made the right choice. And now it's been 10 years!

 

[lazyfoxie]

OMG, I did this! Lost my engagement ring about a month before the wedding - the day of my bridal shower.

I went over my running path (I ran that morning) and tore my place apart. I was completely distraught and immediately told my fiance. He was incredibly supportive and said he would just buy another one and never once got upset at me. We hired a plumber to go through our pipes and he couldn't find it either and said it would probably show up eventually. My fiance ended up buying me another engagement ring (although slightly smaller), but 2 weeks before the wedding I was looking through my jewelry box and found my original engagement ring! It was so odd, because I only put costume jewelry in there and both my fiance and mom looked through the jewelry box twice without finding the ring.

My husband ended up losing his wedding ring during our honeymoon. I had chastised him several times for taking it off and playing with it like it was a quarter (spinning it on tables etc) and after one dinner, we realized he no longer had it! I knew I couldn't get upset since I had lost my engagement ring before the wedding and he was so kind. Anyways, we were waiting for a boat to take us back to our hotel and I glanced down at the floor and saw his ring buried in the sand where I was sitting!

Sometimes these things just turn up where you least expect it!

Let me just add that I think I may have subconsciously misplaced my ring because I had significant pre-wedding jitters since I've never wanted to get married ever. I had severe cold feet and even called my mom crying that I had made a mistake. But his reaction was so kind and supportive, that I knew I made the right choice. And now it's been 10 years!

Thank you so much for your story. It's so comforting to hear though I still havent found the ring. What happened to you is just like a miracle, which is just like your marriage I guess. Love!