How are u *supposed* to feel about your boyfriend after 1 year?

B

Belini

Member
Jan 26, 2007
366
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#1
Im just wondering... some couples i talk to still have the butterflies, some dont. I know with me, we just seem to fight more and he annoys me more and vise versa :sad:
Its only been a year!!

We are talking about settling down but sometimes i think, is this it? can i be happier? I know grass is not always greener but still.

We have a relationship that never really started with the sparks and excitement - it was more as friends and a mutual respect for eachother - is that wrong?

I dont know what being head over heels in love feels like, well actually i do but many years ago and this feels nothing like it so does that make this relationship wrong???

He is an amazing man and we both care for eachother but is it meant to be exciting? am i meant to get those butterflies?

I know i shouldnt compare relationships but i have a friend who is getting engaged after 4 months and she just knows he is it - they look into eachothers eyes and all that and cant keep there hands off eachother and i feel a bit envious, i shouldnt though considering i have someone who also loves me.
 
#2
...you are supposed to feel that you still want to be with him. If you do, then relax about everything else. If you don't then finish it. Don't worry about other people's relationships, or how you might feel in a couple of years. Just work out how you feel right now, and if you are happy then stick with it.
 
#3
I was asking myself similar questions about the relationship I was in and I ended up breaking up with him. It took a lot of thinking and then I finally realized it just wasn't right. I say trust your gut instinct about whether it feels like he's right for you.

I also had someone I met tell me the story of how she met her current bf. Long story short, she had another bf when she met him and the guy kept asking her out. They became friends and somehow she ended up realizing she really wanted to be with him and broke up with her bf. She said 4 yrs later she STILL has those feelings of being excited to be with him. That's what I want. I knew I'd never have it with my ex. What I had with my ex was frendship and nothing more. I couldn't force myself to feel what I didn't.
 
#4
Whenever I think about my BF, and how he's such a great guy, all the wonderful things he's done for me, how he's been especially supportive toward me in times of crisis, and how good he is um...intimately...I get all warm and fuzzy and can't wait to get home and see him.

However, if I think about something that he's done that bothered me or P'd me off in some way, I don't have those feelings. I try to keep negative thoughts out of my mind and go forward looking at the good in him. This means that I can easily say that I want to be with him WAY more frequently than I don't, and we've been together three years now. It hasn't always been this good between us, but the great thing is that it's getting better every day.

Perhaps, if you hang in there and focus on the positives, the same will happen for your relationship: you'll adore him more and more as time passes.
 
#5
i think that friendship is actually a great basis for a relationship as the "butterflies" will wear off but if you are best friends then always a great bond. However you also need to feel attracted to him in other ways so if you are having doubts then you really should question if you want to spend the rest of your life with this guy
 
#6
I think the most important question you have to ask yourself when u are in a relationship is whether you are comfortable with him.

Fighting is normal for couples. I argued with my bf a lot too, over small things. He annoys me too. But after a fight (like couple hours later), do you think about him? do u miss him?

Me and my bf has been together for 6 years (not on the 6th anniversary yet, but almost) and I dont feel the 'butterflies' u are talking about. I think we dont feel much 'sparkle', but its more like needing each other to be around. I'm happy to do trivial stuff with him, such as buying groceries or watching tv. I dont feel the need to 'do' something together.

But everyone has different feelings in a relationship. What I feel is not neccessarily what u have to feel. I think for now u just really have to think hard whether u are happy with him and whether he really cares about u. If u have doubts then maybe you should rethink whether u want to continue the relationship or not.

Good Luck!
 
#7
I don't think there is a feeling that one "should" have - since every relationship is different and develops differently. But you should be happy with him and know that he treats you well. If you guys are fighting a lot then maybe it's time to take a step back, analyze the situation and talk with eachother about where things are going and how to make things better!
 
#9
My bf and I have been together for 3 years. It's not butterflies every day but I love him. I knew he was the one for me from the first kiss. For some it is lightning bolts and for others it is a quit feeling of well being and contentment. I don't think there is any one way to know if it is right.

However, I do know that (at least in my situation) the better part of love is commitment not butterflies.
 
#11
Ahhh... To be young and in love...My DH and I have been together for 13 years....Love is kind.. but it is also the worst...I still look at him at times with starry eyes..and other times I could spit in his eye and kick him in the booty lol....But we have grown to become one..kinda hard to describe...Yes things have cooled down a bit but other areas in the relationship have gotten better...I knew he was the one for me before he did....and I can honestly, whole heartedly say we love each other very dearly...but would I get married again?!?!? No freakin' way!!!
 
#12
My boyfriend and I started off being head over heals. We got comfortable and things started to slide. He wasn't as sweet anymore, or didn't do those little romantic things anymore. We ended up breaking up. I thought because I didn't have those butterfly feeling that I wasn't as in love with him, but when we first broke up that's when I realized that even though I wasn't getting those butterfly feelings that he was the one and that I can't just let him go.

We're working on things now and it's damn hard and sometimes I feel that those butterfly feelings won't ever come back, but they're there.

I think that if you're happy with him and want to be with him you should stay with him because you love him. But if you feel like there's more out there and you're having doubts. Then you might want to talk to him. He may be oblivious to the fact that things are getting comfortable.
 
#14
EMMY said:
Ahhh... To be young and in love...My DH and I have been together for 13 years....Love is kind.. but it is also the worst...I still look at him at times with starry eyes..and other times I could spit in his eye and kick him in the booty lol....But we have grown to become one..kinda hard to describe...Yes things have cooled down a bit but other areas in the relationship have gotten better...I knew he was the one for me before he did....and I can honestly, whole heartedly say we love each other very dearly...but would I get married again?!?!? No freakin' way!!!
Click to expand...

:roflmfao: EMMY you are too funny! but this is right on for me and my fiance! i think its true there is a thin line b/t love and hate! LOL just kiddin!

I think the butterflys come and go, but I think you should feel them at some point or another off and on. We have been together for 5 years and i love him to death, but as time goes on its more of a comfort and respect than that giddy first love. I think love has stages and you can't stay "in love" forever. you can love him but that 'in love' giddy feeling won't stay all the time, you may feel it sometime, but i don't think it stays there all the time like it did when you first fell in love.

and i remember the one year mark was a little rocky for me and my bf, we had just got out of the 'honey moon' stage and it was kinda like what now...but we made it and things got better, then not so good, then good, you get the point....when two people are together you have to learn each other and it don't happen over night. You'll have good times and bad times, maybe you guys are just going through a tuff time...

as for your friend gettin engaged after 4 months, i think she needs to slow down! IMO you can't know someone like you should know them, to know you want to spend the rest of you life with them in FOUR months, but that just my opinion! and you shouldn' compare your relationship to her's because they just met and they might be those touchy feely people where as you and your bf might not be.
 
#15
i'm really interested in this issue also - like azumie said, there is this idea out there that comfort is what's most important. if you're extremely comfortable with this person, then that's more important than butterflies and excitement. but can you ONLY have those feelings of comfort and say, yes this is love? If you're extremely comfortable with someone but never have those feelings of butterflies/excitement, can you really go on and think, this is the one i'll spend the rest of my life with? Comfort can't be the only thing you have to constitute your feelings of being "in love," imo. It should only come as a bonus to all the passion and feelings you already have for him. I think it's a really tough situation, because like you asked, what do you do when you find the perfect guy and he's amazing to you and you're extremely "comfortable" but you don't have those butterflies? can you really walk away from that simply because you don't have butterflies...? sorry i rambled on but it's an issue i've really been thinking about myself recently.
 
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