Horrible thought...

  1. Has any of the TTCer think about divorcing her DH since maybe she won't be able to give him a family?

  2. nope...cheesy as it may sound...i can't live without him :heart:
  3. no way.. We can always adopt a child, I don't think I could find a better husband :tender:
  4. we're together all the way. Before we got married we discussed possibility of not being able to have children.
  5. I think it's unfair for him since I'm the one w/ the biological clock ticking fast... and he can find someone younger and have a family in no time... it's out of love for DH.

    Have been quite emotional lately... *sigh*
  6. *hugs* to you. please don't think that way...in many occasions it takes longer ttc. it's not always instantaneous. i can understand that it can feel veeerrryyy long and frustrating, but it'll happen when it's meant to. i don't think you'd need to feel that you're being unfair to your dh...
  7. Well, I'm not married, but I've been in a long-term relationship for three years and am madly in love with my BF. You're supposed to marry someone because you love them. Marriage is about finding someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. A partner in all the ups, downs and times in between.

    I think you need to re-examine why you feel like your marriage is worthless because you're having trouble conceiving. Has your husband made you feel like an inadequate wife because you can't conceive? Has he made snide or mean comments? That is a form of emotional abuse. If so, you should not internalize those feelings and seek marriage counseling.

    Aside from that, you sound very sad and depressed. Maybe you should seek counseling. A counselor or therapist will help you deal with those feelings in a safe environment. Trying to conceive and having no success must be so disheartening. I was diagnosed with PCOS so it's likely I won't be able to conceive either. There are many children already born who need loving parents. Adoption is always an option.

    I'm so sorry that you feel like you're not a good wife because you're having trouble conceiving. Being a good wife goes so far beyond that. I think you really need to get to the bottom of why you are thinking about breaking up your marriage because you can't get pregnant. You are worth so much more than just your reproductive system.

    If DH really wants to have kids that are genetically yours you could get a surrogate mother to carry the baby. They can make embryos in a lab and then implant them in a surrogate. It's extremely expensive but if having your own children is the most important thing in your life then I'm sure it's worth it.

    Either way, good luck. I hope you start feeling better soon :smile:

    EDIT: My boyfriend and I have already talked about the possibility of me being unable to conceive. Marriage is about spending your life with someone you love, not about babymaking. Although that's a lot of fun too and I would love to have kids with our combined genetics... the thought of little "us-s" as we call them makes my heart melt. But if I can't conceive we've already decided we'll adopt. With so many parentless children out there it almost seems cruel NOT to adopt.
  8. beejerry- I don't think you are the only person who has ever felt this way... A co-worker of mine was having trouble conceiving with his wife and they tried for over 3 years. It got so stressful that he turned to another co-worker for comfort. When she conceived, he came clean about his affair, they went to counseling and worked it all out. They eventually had another baby and, although he no longer works with me, I hear they are doing well...

    Feelings come up that you don't expect, and I admire your courage for bring them out and talking about them... it is far healthier than being in denial that they are there....

    We are here for you to talk it out...
  9. this isn't an area i have any experience in being unmarried but i just wanted to offer you comfort and say i hope you feel better...*hugs*
  10. beejerry, there are many emotions, feelings, hormones fluctuating in us women. I understand how you feel. But, don't lose hope... If you're feeling this way out of love for your husband, please discuss it with him first. May be his feelings should be addressed too. It is really tremendously selfless of you to feel this way. I'm sure that's only one of many reasons he chose you! Try to stick together on this.
  11. So true!

    My DH never makes me feel inadequated. He is very attentive and he told me I'm thinking too much :push:

    I'm so sorry to hear that!

    You've a big heart Chicbabacool! We've not given up hope yet, but also have talked about adopting. I hope things work out for you and you will be a mother and grandmother w/ lots of kids/grandkids.
  12. Thanks ladies for sending me hugs and kind words. I am a little depressed... just a little. I need to be more productive and keep myself busy so I don't think too much. :winkiss:
  13. Awww well I'm relieved that your husband is being supportive. Tabbyco is right too; it's very brave and healthy to be open about your feelings. I was just worried that maybe your DH said something to make you feel that way... that's why I kind of went off a little bit. It's natural to feel terrible when you're trying so hard to make something happen and it wont.

    I'm sure you're an amazing person and you'll get through this :smile:.
  14. beejerry - OMG! I haven't been in this thread in awhile (that's a whole other thread!) but I TOTALLY FEEL FELT THE SAME WAY! You and I have talked offline and we both have great relationships with our DH's and we've both been struggling for years with infertility. Well you know since my failed IVF in August I've been scarce here and have been feeling horrible. Anyway, about a month ago.. I got some sort of crazy idea that I should leave DH. I thought to myself, why should both of us have to go through this. I should set him free, I'm the one with the problem.. Let him have a chance at having a child and having a different life. I broke down and cried to DH and I said to him that he should find another wife so he could have a chance at having a child. I told him he'd given me a wonderful life and I know he would never leave me for this so I had to be the one to leave. I love him so much and I don't want him to feel this pain anymore.

    And when I tell my friends this, they think I'm totally crazy but I ask, can't you see where I'm coming from? it's because I LOVE HIM and I hate to see him upset over this when if it wasn't for me he wouldn't have this problem. And my heart has ached with the deepest sadness for what we are going through. DH tells me of course that if he were to have any kids, it would only be with me.. And I cry asking him would we have gotten married if he knew that I would have this problem. And of course he tells me yes. I mean he has been amazing through all this.

    I'm finding it harder and harder to talk to my friends about it.. most people are just saying to me, "why don't you just adopt already and stop this madeness?" I'm not ready yet. I'm not ready. I have this romantic idea that a baby is made out of love from me and my husband. I mean we even hated the idea that we are going through IVF because it feels so unnatural. I hate that I'm trying to make a baby with 4 other people in the room. I hate that I feel paper underneath my back and 3 people are staring into my Vajayjay while they're inserting my DH's sperm and I'm spread open with a crazy speculum. I hate getting all these needles and I took them like a champ and still didn't get prego.. I hate it. Ugh.. Sorry to vent so much but I just wanted to let you know that it wasn't a bizarre thought. I have thought about that too and one other person I know that went through 4 failed IVFs but are now adopting.

    Anyway, I have been seeing a therapist and it does help..I told her about DH and that I told him he should find another wife.. She said I probably hurt his feelings which is true. So of course I apologized to him but he understood why I said it.. It does help though to go to her.. My co pay is 10$ so I can see her as much as I want. It's an unbiased unrelated person so I can say anything I want.

    Anyway, hang in there babe, you've always been so encouraging to me. It's ok to have these strange thoughts and sometimes you just have to vent and let it out and have someone listen. You know I'm here for you. Remember we are so lucky to have found such good guys. It's so hard to find that chemistry with someone. We have to count our blessings..and it sounds like our DH's are big blessings
  15. {{{{ Mssmelanie }}}}, my dear!

    I thought I was strange but no, someone understands my feeling! And it's you! We've been trying for so long that we forgot the most important thing is not what could/should have been, it is what we have now. We have such wonderful husbands! I've been so focus on making babies that I've ignored his feelings, it's always ME ME ME! Agree w/ you that we should count our blessings, especially such wonderful DHs we've.

    I'm so glad to hear that your therapy sessions help. Unbiased opinions or listener is hard to come by.

    I hope you've a happy Turkey day and happy shopping days afterwards! ;)