I guess with Cucinelli we see what it costs to give your employees a living wage and lifestyle, use only ethically sourced materials, and pour money into your town. But I agree that his prices are breathtaking.
**Hermes Chat**
- Thread starter mistikat
- Start date
My MIL dropped a bomb on me tonight. I phoned her to thank her for her birthday card and present.
Evidently, the chickens are coming home to roost for my SIL. In her 20-30s she made a series of decisions that were really bad for her personally as well as professionally. She's been pampered in the fact that her parents purchased her a condo and assisted her financially throughout her adult like to made it just comfortable enough for her to know she really did not have to strive to get ahead, but not enough for her to truly be an heiress. In essence my in-laws felt felt my SIL would never make it on her own. This attitude led to her having extremely poor self esteem.
So now in her mid-50s, my SIL is stuck in a dead end job she loathes (and works 50-60 hours per week at) and her boss is actively trying to get her to quit. She is morbidly obese. Her weight and being in her 50s will make it extremely difficult to find another job.
My MIL feels that after she passed, SIL will have no one. And likely, she's right. She lives in another city from DH and me as well as her other brother and his family. She has not cultivated new friends since college. Those friends have their own families and lives. Again, my SIL has done nothing to make her life better. She's been seeing a therapist for years to no real avail.
I'm terrified that she will take her own life after my MIL passes. How much responsibility does DH and I have for my SIL? My MIL has always felt that I have so much and SIL has so little. My frustration is that my SIL expects someone else to save her and refuses to takes steps herself -- make changes that will change the course of her life. She has always waited for the perfect opportunity and not jumped on the good opportunity. Because it's not perfect, she doesn't have to take responsibility for her actions for better or worse.
I see a train wreck coming and I'm powerless to do anything about it. For years, my SIL went to my in-laws to help care for them every weekend -- maybe not necessarily to actually help them (though she did provide significant assistance), but to hide from trying to find answers to her own life. If she were my daughter, I would challenge her to find new friends and other passions on the weekends -- perhaps come once per month rather than every weekend. Because I want her to have a life separate from my own.
DH is a guy and has never been close to his sister. He has no patience for people who won't help themselves. I see this awful situation coming into fruition, but I do not think I can help her in any meaningful way.
Evidently, the chickens are coming home to roost for my SIL. In her 20-30s she made a series of decisions that were really bad for her personally as well as professionally. She's been pampered in the fact that her parents purchased her a condo and assisted her financially throughout her adult like to made it just comfortable enough for her to know she really did not have to strive to get ahead, but not enough for her to truly be an heiress. In essence my in-laws felt felt my SIL would never make it on her own. This attitude led to her having extremely poor self esteem.
So now in her mid-50s, my SIL is stuck in a dead end job she loathes (and works 50-60 hours per week at) and her boss is actively trying to get her to quit. She is morbidly obese. Her weight and being in her 50s will make it extremely difficult to find another job.
My MIL feels that after she passed, SIL will have no one. And likely, she's right. She lives in another city from DH and me as well as her other brother and his family. She has not cultivated new friends since college. Those friends have their own families and lives. Again, my SIL has done nothing to make her life better. She's been seeing a therapist for years to no real avail.
I'm terrified that she will take her own life after my MIL passes. How much responsibility does DH and I have for my SIL? My MIL has always felt that I have so much and SIL has so little. My frustration is that my SIL expects someone else to save her and refuses to takes steps herself -- make changes that will change the course of her life. She has always waited for the perfect opportunity and not jumped on the good opportunity. Because it's not perfect, she doesn't have to take responsibility for her actions for better or worse.
I see a train wreck coming and I'm powerless to do anything about it. For years, my SIL went to my in-laws to help care for them every weekend -- maybe not necessarily to actually help them (though she did provide significant assistance), but to hide from trying to find answers to her own life. If she were my daughter, I would challenge her to find new friends and other passions on the weekends -- perhaps come once per month rather than every weekend. Because I want her to have a life separate from my own.
DH is a guy and has never been close to his sister. He has no patience for people who won't help themselves. I see this awful situation coming into fruition, but I do not think I can help her in any meaningful way.
Your interaction or involvement with your SIL may (or may not) be part of the solution to her getting more engaged with life. I don't know. (Remember Tolstoy: every happy fam is alike; every unhappy fam is unhappy in its own way -- so how could I say what's right or not for you and SIL on a person-to-person basis?
The important thing is that I do think there is some possibility MIL is -- here goes -- emotionally pressuring you to make it seem as if you don't get involved in making that woman happier you would somehow be responsible for her continuing to live or not. That's a bit much.
There was a key thing that seemed to be missing from your post: an indication as to whether SIL ever had or would be helped by a workup by an excellent psychiatrist, and perhaps more than one, to get a med combo that works. B/C prescribing psychiatric meds is (IMHO) more art than science simply b/c much science is still not known at this point). Different docs each have (as I read one said once) a different "bag of tricks." Because friends (or potential friend as your MIL hopes you will become) cannot accomplish what some med(s) jacking up serotonin can do. You are a dynamite person, @etoupebirkin, but you cannot substitute your company for serotonin and your MIL is wrong to think you can. There's a good tee shirt slogan embedded in this sentence
.Finding an antidepressant(s) that work is trial and error. I guess there is now some genetic testing which might narrow down which ones would work and which not. But I am not qualified to comment on that.
THanks ladies. I did contact the store yesterday and spoke to the manager. He was very kind and worried about what happened. Some of his new employees are college students so was going to make a point of the severity of allergies. I hadn’t had a sub from JJ in years. I think it was just an impulse thing that DH did on Sunday. I don’t eat out much either as it’s a pain sometimes to figure out what I can eat. Onions are in a lot of foods. It’s even bad to go to parties where everyone brings a dish...always having to ask if onions are in each one. Most of my close friends will make me a separate dish and my family has gotten used to doing that too if they want to put onions in something. I truly feel sorry for those who have many food allergies.
I’m glad that you carry an Epipen, OB. It’s just an added reassurance for your allergy.
I’m glad that you carry an Epipen, OB. It’s just an added reassurance for your allergy.
Enjoyed the article on Cucinelli. His pieces are so nice...just so pricey...
Thanks Eagle. My SIL has been seeing the same psychologist for years and is on antidepressants. I think it hasn’t really been effective. I have always wondered why my SIL had such poor self esteem. She’s a smart woman and went to an Ivy League college. She also has a beautiful singing voice and has been in semi-professional choruses that have traveled throughout the world.Your interaction or involvement with your SIL may (or may not) be part of the solution to her getting more engaged with life. I don't know. (Remember Tolstoy: every happy fam is alike; every unhappy fam is unhappy in its own way -- so how could I say what's right or not for you and SIL on a person-to-person basis?
The important thing is that I do think there is some possibility MIL is -- here goes -- emotionally pressuring you to make it seem as if you don't get involved in making that woman happier you would somehow be responsible for her continuing to live or not. That's a bit much.
There was a key thing that seemed to be missing from your post: an indication as to whether SIL ever had or would be helped by a workup by an excellent psychiatrist, and perhaps more than one, to get a med combo that works. B/C prescribing psychiatric meds is (IMHO) more art than science simply b/c much science is still not known at this point). Different docs each have (as I read one said once) a different "bag of tricks." Because friends (or potential friend as your MIL hopes you will become) cannot accomplish what some med(s) jacking up serotonin can do. You are a dynamite person, @etoupebirkin, but you cannot substitute your company for serotonin and your MIL is wrong to think you can. There's a good tee shirt slogan embedded in this sentence
Finding an antidepressant(s) that work is trial and error. I guess there is now some genetic testing which might narrow down which ones would work and which not. But I am not qualified to comment on that.
I do believe my MIL is emotionally blackmailing me a bit. For a long time, my in-laws have treated me with some jealousy due to the fact that DH and I are happy and have built a life together. Whereas with my SIL has not.
I’ve told DH about this and that he needs to discuss this with MIL and SIL.
eb, you asked the question, "How much responsibility does DH and I have for my SIL?". This may sound harsh, but as an outsider reading that , along with the information you shared prior and post to it, the answer that immediately came to my mind was "none". I know family dynamics can be minefields, but as a 50 year old coddled child by your MIL, the die was cast a long time ago. Of course your MIL would like to pass this off, it would be a perfect "punishment" for your own success, which she apparently envies, to assume this burden forward. Reading your great posts on tpf through the years it has always been apparent that you and your DH have worked hard, justly enjoyed the fruits of those labors, raised responsible and successful children, and have years ahead to continue savoring what you have achieved. To expect, as your MIL seems to be, for you to potentially cast that aside to babysit a 50 year old whiner, who is where she is in life by virtue of her own choices, is beyond the pale. If MIL is so concerned then she needs to be the one to establish a plan for your SIL's support, through a trust etc. to provide for her when she is no longer alive. And maybe seek a "fresh" outlook with a new therapist for SIL?
I do realize, this could be very difficult to do, so just consider it one person's opinion................
I do realize, this could be very difficult to do, so just consider it one person's opinion................
I did my mock powerlifting meet today. My top sets totaled 500.8 lbs.
So I squatted 200.6 lbs, Deadlifted 205 lbs and bench pressed 95.2 lbs.
So I squatted 200.6 lbs, Deadlifted 205 lbs and bench pressed 95.2 lbs.
Here's a pic of me and the 200.5 squat. It's a fierce picture.
My coach is behind me spotting. Not bad for a arthritic 59-year-old lady.
My coach is behind me spotting. Not bad for a arthritic 59-year-old lady.
I met you at least a decade ago. Didn't you have longer hair then? (I remember seeing you at the Verdura counter at NM and then again a little later at H. You had a So-Black Kelly. (Why I cannot remember how to spell but I can usually remember people's outfits is amazing to me).
And lifting this much weight doesn't not pain your knees? You have not had a knee replacement? Well, you're still young. I mean it. I haven't seen 59 in a while.
That's an awesome pic etoupebirkin. So good for your bones too. I've been out of the gym for 9 months now and it's driving me crazy
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Wow, EB! Great job! I do yoga and gym stufff but not this kind of lifting. You must be so strong!!
Eb, noticed the two young men in the background watching, probably in awe!