Help~Wedding etiquette?!

  1. I'm not generally stingy or spiteful but I have this 'friend' who I can barely stand... She is having a destination wedding, and DH & I are not attending. Not only are we not attending, but she's sending strong signals that she doesn't want ppl to attend, and definitely not us. She came with a guest to my wedding and gave us $ as gift (a year later!), basically covering their meals and a bit more. Do I have to give her a gift of the same value as what she gave me, even though I'm not attending? I'm trying to put aside the fact that she is not a good person and that I can barely exchange an email without wondering why I have to remain polite. Just suck it up and give her a gift of the same value, right? :cursing: TIA~
  2. If you don't even like her, the only reason to extend a social grace like that would be for the sake of your own values or dignity. But if it's not important to you, don't waste the money - it sounds like you should be cutting this person out of your life soon anyway.
  3. Etiquette says that you can give a wedding gift up to a year after the wedding. You are not invited to the wedding so you do not have to get her a gift plain and simple.
  4. ^ I was going to say the same thing-- you have one year to send a gift. Typically, the minimum amount of money you're supposed to give is the estimated cost of you+ your date. So if the bride and groom are paying $100/person and they invite you and a guest, you should give at least $200-- that's what I was always taught. I also think it's tacky to not send a gift, even if you're not going :shrugs:

    It sounds like there's more to this story that you're not telling us, like why you're so peeved about this. If she's that bad why are you still friends with her? And why doesn't she want you to go? Is that the only reason you're not going?
  5. If you don't attend the wedding, etiquette says you do not have to give a gift.
  6. ^ See, I've always done the opposite. I'm confused. Are you invited or not? If you are invited, I'd do a small gift- as in $50- esp if you aren't going and just buy something off a registry or if you really dislike her, a card wishing her and the new hubby well.
  7. Don't send anything if you're not attending. I suppose it'd be different if you couldn't attend for other reasons, but since you don't really like each other, what's the point?
  8. I'm confused; did she invite you AND send strong signals for you to RSVP "no"? That sounds like a cash grab!
  9. Do you care to keep this person in your life at all? Will this person be in your life due to work or relations, etc? If so, I'd say just send her a gift. If you're not attending the wedding, it doesn't have to equal the amount she sent you, along with a card.

    I don't think, in terms of etiquette, that gifts are only nec when you're attending a wedding. After all, the wedding gift is sent traditionally to help the couple get started with their lives, and to celebrate their union. You can do that without attending their ceremony.
  10. Thanks for all your advices. And Raspberry, love your avatar!
    Invited or not invited is a good question. She asked, but more like stated that she understood if DH and I couldn't attend because of DH's work schedule even before asking us to come. I told her then that we would not attend (no way in hell). Then she asked if I wanted an invitation mailed to me since I'm not coming~ HELLO?! WT*#$%? She also invited another friend of ours. Once she found out that our friend could not attend, her response was 'one less to be stressed about.' It's not just me that she doesn't want to see at her wedding. I'm getting this vibe that she doesn't want people to attend her wedding, except family, because she doesn't want to hear any criticism, etc.
    I would at any given time gladly send a gift to a friend for their wedding, birth announcements, etc. But this girl is just somethin-else, u know?
  11. From what i remember, if you've been formally invited to the wedding and you dont attend then you should send a gift. But if she just casually invited you and you dont like her...i dont see why u should send her anything. It sounds like she knows u cant go and wants to send u an invitation so that u have to send her something.

    Also, she actually came to your wedding and gave you money. You're not going to her wedding, she's not spending any money on u and ur dh so dont bother! I wouldnt!
  12. I dont mean to be rude, but I just dont understand why people(not only you, but others also) feel like they should give gifts to people they dont even LIKE! I would not spend a penny on someone I didnt like, especially if I wasnt going to the wedding. Actually, I wouldnt even be attending someone wedding if I didnt like them(I know you arent, Im just saying lol).

    Ok, sorry for the rant. My answer to your question is, if you feel absolutely obligated to give her something, go to TJ Maxx and find a nice picture frame accompany that with a beautiful card.
  13. I don't consider her statement to be a formal invitation. I'd send her a card and not worry about it.