Help me stop wanting more bags!!

[guccilover21]

hi guys,

I'm sorry if this has already been talked about but I'm having shopping troubles. I can't enjoy what I have anymore. I always want the next thing. This applies to bags, jewellery, and other accessories. Realistically I have enough of everything and far too many bags. I look at the bags and get overwhelmed. I have been purging and then buying more. I need to stop and I want to enjoy what I have but I keep thinking of the next purchase and can't stop! I also have developed a weird snobbery like if I buy pre-loved designer items they are not "my story" and they kind of just sit there. Can you guys give me some advice on how to change my thinking and enjoy what I've got. I am currently obsessed with the alma BB even though I know if I buy it, it will just sit there as I'll be too scared to use it. Help me this is getting ridiculous!!

 

[guccilover21]

I also want to add, I'm currently obsessed with updating my engagement ring even though a few years ago I would've said that's a ridiculous idea as it's not about the ring but the marriage that's important. I feel like I've become shallow and I really don't want to be that way anymore. However everytime I pass by a jewellery store I have to check out the rings. This is really annoying!

Thanks for listening to me.

 

[Pinksweater]

You are not alone as a lot of us deal with this issue to some extent. Do you love the bags in your collection? Have you figured out the styles that work for you? Maybe you aren't satisfied with your collection because you are just buying to buy. Take some time to figure out your style and once you really find your true style give TPF a break so you can enjoy your things..... Just offering my opinion, hope its helps.

 

[Mariapia]

We are in the same boat, guccilover!
I realize that I am addicted to bags and always have been.
As soon as I buy a new bag, I look for another one.
To resist temptation, while browsing the Internet, I put one of my most expensive bags in front of me and ask myself " do you really think the ones you fancy can compete with that bag?"
It sometimes works.
I think we should ask ourselves why we can't stop buying
Are we really interested in a new bag itself or does it only represent something we are waiting for, something filling a void, like a perspective we absolutely need?

 

[Pmrbfay]

Great thread - very thought-provoking...

For me, turns out my obsession with wanting a new LV bag, almost every 6 months for 10 years, came from the fact that I had missed out on the LV bag I really wanted in 2001. Once I found her (pre-loved), my obsession died out. I sold almost everything in my collection and now carry my pre-loved dream bag daily (at the moment though she is getting some vachetta replaced).

Hope this helps. Thanks for letting share.

 

[remainsilly]

Great ideas above.

I'll add: put down the smartphone.
And be honest.
Do you want to POST these new things, online?
Or own them for yourself?

I have dithered over hermes birkins/kellys.
Because is a forum fever(probably fueled by sales clerks as members).
But decided me, owning these = no.
Occasionally crave "thrill of the post."
And burbling compliments/admiration from a tiny electronic-rectangle world.
But never the actual bags.

My solution is not to post reveal threads.
And rarely show items owned, other than bags, here.
Also, I don't but used bags. Only new.

Imo, life does not need to be a wide open book online--to be worthwhile & good.
We all need reminders of that. In midst of advertising frenzy & blinking doodads.

Hope helps.

 

[leechiyong]

I remind myself I can appreciate things without having to possess it. If it's not me, if I don't 100% love it, I don't buy it. Reveals on tPF actually help me as I get to live vicariously through someone else's purchase when I know the bag doesn't make sense for me.

Maybe start off small, like no more pre-loved bags? If you think this one will be different, remind yourself that that's never been the case and stay convicted to your commitment.

Also, try adding up the dollar amounts and factor it in to your life. There's a thread in the money forums about being done with luxury because she realized she'd regularly spend money on a new bag, but a 2k camera lens to replace the one she broke for her husband's work was painful. Being in a position where she had a needed expense cost less than a purse, when she wasn't comfortable with spending that unexpectedly made her rethink her priorities.

 

[raspberrypink]

hi guys,

I'm sorry if this has already been talked about but I'm having shopping troubles. I can't enjoy what I have anymore. I always want the next thing. This applies to bags, jewellery, and other accessories. Realistically I have enough of everything and far too many bags. I look at the bags and get overwhelmed. I have been purging and then buying more. I need to stop and I want to enjoy what I have but I keep thinking of the next purchase and can't stop! I also have developed a weird snobbery like if I buy pre-loved designer items they are not "my story" and they kind of just sit there. Can you guys give me some advice on how to change my thinking and enjoy what I've got. I am currently obsessed with the alma BB even though I know if I buy it, it will just sit there as I'll be too scared to use it. Help me this is getting ridiculous!!

Have you been hanging out with certain friends lately that are much into such "luxury" items? I remember I got a bit obsessed somewhat like you for a period of time. I'm usually quite down to earth (at least imo), then this friend of mine one day sniggered that my LV wallet didn't match my prada bag hahaha ...that really got me. Then she started posting all those beautiful branded bags that I usually turn my nose up against. Then it started to affect me and going out with her became stressful cos she will always carry a more expensive bag/watch/ jewellery and will make certain comments that she will never buy certain brands of watch (which I happened to be wearing.... hey its a Tag Heuer okay![emoji36])Yah...ouch. So it got me to a period of spending. Then I kept telling myself that I should steer clear of her, even writing notes on my handphone and having inspirational quotes on my hp to avoid such pp. My addiction got better and I felt less need to "prove" anything. Then I found TPF [emoji26] which is a different story altogether. Haha..... anyways.....moderation is key here. Sorry for such a long story but anyways... maybe you can think about your surroundings....friends/colleagues etc to see if anyone is affecting you. And put some quotes on your hp as wallpaper to remind yourself! Good luck in finding what works for u!

 

[ccbaggirl89]

a lot of us do it, but i do feel it stems from something else in our lives (or minds) that needs to be addressed. most women enjoy shopping, but if it gets out of control or into a situation where finances are at risk then you've got bigger problems than a forum board can solve. look inside yourself for the reason WHY you are doing the excessive shopping/looking/wanting cycle. it could be something simple (like wanting to compete with others) or something complex (like poverty in childhood and now trying to have more). but you have to address it somehow and force yourself to stop.

 

[2cello]

In the original Cosmetics Cop, Paula Begoun opined that women bought fancy cosmetics more for the packaging than the actual product (since, like all the eyeliners are made at two factories in Belgium regardless of price point). And the reason, we buy fancy packaging is for a substitute to having a great sex life. So maybe have more sex. I do suspect lusting after fancy goods, whether they are cosmetics or bags, stems from wanting to feel special - and maybe not getting enough of that elsewhere in life.

 

[guccilover21]

Thanks for your responses guys! This made me think a lot. I feel as though I'm surrounding myself with competitive people at the moment. They are competitive mainly over vacations, jewellery, career promotions, everything. I guess I'm trying to keep up in some way? I don't know. I did live in poverty as a child and I guess now I want to show that I can afford certain luxurious? I feel like bags give me confidence but at the end of the day it's all superficial. I kind of want to sell most of my bags right now that don't bring me joy and leave myself with say 5 but I feel that would hurt my DH's feelings as he helped me pick out so many of them and got them as gifts for me. I wouldn't want to get rid of any jewellery as it's all sentimental to me. I just want to be happy and content with what I have as on the inside I'm a minimalist. It's just recently I've decided to amass a collection of stuff. I just want to thank you all for your lovely comments. I think I need to probably write down what is actuallly important and not fixate so much on material items.

 

[Evia]

Thanks for your responses guys! This made me think a lot. I feel as though I'm surrounding myself with competitive people at the moment. They are competitive mainly over vacations, jewellery, career promotions, everything. I guess I'm trying to keep up in some way? I don't know. I did live in poverty as a child and I guess now I want to show that I can afford certain luxurious? I feel like bags give me confidence but at the end of the day it's all superficial. I kind of want to sell most of my bags right now that don't bring me joy and leave myself with say 5 but I feel that would hurt my DH's feelings as he helped me pick out so many of them and got them as gifts for me. I wouldn't want to get rid of any jewellery as it's all sentimental to me. I just want to be happy and content with what I have as on the inside I'm a minimalist. It's just recently I've decided to amass a collection of stuff. I just want to thank you all for your lovely comments. I think I need to probably write down what is actuallly important and not fixate so much on material items.

These people probably have huge credit card bills and lie awake a lot at night

 

[raspberrypink]

Good for you! Realising what you need to do is such an important first step! I find that putting certain inspirational quotes as wallpaper on my hp really helped me at each stage of my life. Since the first thing we see is our hp so it is a constant reminder. Anyway good luck with sticking what works for you! Below is my personal favourite wallpaper.

 

[Amazona]

I hear you! I had the same problem. Too many bags, too many clothes, too much everything. It kinda started to go away after I moved in with the ex and had to think what I want and need and what had to go. I decided to really look into what I had, what I carried and what I needed. Sold most of my bags, sold and gave away alot of clothes and realised I don't need much more.

Now I buy what I need - this year I bought 3 bags; a preloved Liebeskind hobo (because I fell in love with the slouch and my other hobo is structured plus it has a long strap so it works as a shoulder/crossbody basher bag as well. My long time lust after a LK hobo has nothing to do with it, of course...I won't run out of excuses with this one!) and a LC LP Small Neo because I needed a bag that size, it was a planned purchase from a long time back and it finally came on sale. A Coccinelle bag I got on our last cruise was -50% off and another planned purchase since I needed a clutch (the only pieces I left from my purge are silver and black ones and I feel they don't really work for summer) and this one is multi purpose with its removable crossbody strap and wine red color. It will be seeing alot of action, there's no doubt in my mind. It was a well thought out purchase and one I'm happy with for the time being.

While I made these purchases, I also have been deciding on what's going to go next. I need to consider money, I need to consider space and I def need to consider my own wellbeing. I had that same feeling of being overwhelmed by the amount of stuff in my closets, it caused me anxiety. I now know it's better to have less, and at the same time that knowledge helps me not buy more/make unplanned purchases. I also try to keep my money where it is, as in my collection has a certain budget. If I buy something, I have to get the money from within my collection - if I buy something, something else has to go. If it's a more pricey piece I'm buying, I sell 2-3 items to cover the cost. Having that kind of guideline really helps me keep things under control.

You could try thinking about a purge and what you would really miss having after it was gone. Look at purpose and see if it meets your idea of what you need, recognise the multitaskers in your collection and let go of what you don't really need and/or use. KonMari has a bit of the same idea, I think? Only it seems to focus more on the "does this object bring me joy?" aspect of things.

It would be stupid and untrue to say I DON'T have more bags and SLG I than really need, but on the other hand I change bags 3-5 times a week and use pretty much everything I have in my bag closet so maybe this hobby of mine can be forgiven...at least I can forgive myself for it. I don't own a car, I live in a home I partly own and I have no other expensive hobbies or habits.

 

[SomethingGoodCanWork]

I remind myself I can appreciate things without having to possess it. If it's not me, if I don't 100% love it, I don't buy it. Reveals on tPF actually help me as I get to live vicariously through someone else's purchase when I know the bag doesn't make sense for me.

Maybe start off small, like no more pre-loved bags? If you think this one will be different, remind yourself that that's never been the case and stay convicted to your commitment.

Also, try adding up the dollar amounts and factor it in to your life. There's a thread in the money forums about being done with luxury because she realized she'd regularly spend money on a new bag, but a 2k camera lens to replace the one she broke for her husband's work was painful. Being in a position where she had a needed expense cost less than a purse, when she wasn't comfortable with spending that unexpectedly made her rethink her priorities.

I think this post is great This is exactly how I view reveals and other TPF:ers bag collections. It's a grand chance to shop vicariously, not to mention luxuriously, through someone else. It's like getting to try on a different lifestyle wardrobe for free If anything it helps me be more sure of my own tastes in bags.

But yes, I can see how the imaginary bag cornucopia that is TPF, could become a problem so my humble cents to guccilover21:

Never ever ever compare yourself to other people/TPF:ers or whoever. Rejoice with and be inspired by those you admire or learn what not to do from - or ignore- bad examples, but never compare yourself to others or what others have. It just makes you stray from your true self.

I would also recommend the Konmari method or something like it. As I’m starting to build back a basic bag collection this method is helping me to choose bags and other stuff from the viewpoint of what makes me happy, or sparks real joy for me, rather than how I would choose if comparing myself to others, putting too much value in how (I imagine) others are going to perceive me, buying because it might come in handy etc etc. I'm not always successful with this "spark joy" method but I try as I'm learning!

I’m not saying you do this, OP, it’s just what I thought of when reading your post