Help! In the pits, need support!

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  1. Hey ya all, I'm going through a rough patch right now and i really need all the listening ears and support i can find. I won't take up your time by going through all the details but the summary is that i got screwed by my ex-boss who promised to promote me and then proceeded to squeeze me out of the group and company. I have some family issues that i'm trying to take care of so i had to leave the US to attempt to deal with family stuff. career wise, it made sense for me to go back to graduate school so i applied but i got rejected by the schools. :crybaby:

    I'm not so much angry and frustrated that i didn't get into school but that i know some of my friends that got in and i'm at least as smart and hardworking as they are. and i don't know why i didn't get in.

    obstacles just seem to find their way into my life. i've so sick and tired of fighting for everything everytime. i have to fight so hard just to take a step forward and it's not any easier when i see my peers who have a smooth sailing career path. they have job offers thrown at their feet while i interview like mad just to get an offer!

    i know no one will have answers but I'm just so tired of getting screwed over all the time. i work hard and i'm smart enough and i do a good job but i somehow seem to get screwed in the end. :cursing:

    i spend my free hours sleeping to minimize the waking hours where all i feel is misery and numbness. i go to sleep hoping that i don't have to wake up to deal with another day. when i'm awake i feel like a ghost just floating around trying to get through the day. at this point, even bags don't cheer me up. how major is that?!? :shrugs:

    my friend says that there is a reason for everything but that doesn't give me any comfort. i can't see the light at the end of the tunnel and i can't see things working out. all i can feel is the pain of the rejection, the anger of feeling like nothing works out for me. all i can see is the years ahead filled with more struggle, more crap thrown my way and i'm so exhausted.

    sorry for the longish post. but just needed to try to get some help and support and get through all of this. thanks!
  2. How long have you been feeling this way? I think we all get like this at some point...I have been really depressed lately because I am really frustrated with my (lack of) career and my 4 year relationship just ended, so I certainly know what you are going through.

    If you have been feeling like this, particularly the not wanting to get out of bed, for more than a few months, I would definitely recommend seeing a therapist.

    Feel better.
  3. you must be really upset if handbags can't cheer you up. remember after the storm the sun will shine. until then...stay positive!!!
  4. Aww I'm sorry you are going through this mess right now. I know its hard to stay positive, I would go to your doctor and tell her/him how you're feeling. It sounds to me like you are depressed, I went through it when I was around 18 and it seemed like I would never pick myself back up and be happy. Things will always get better. Do you have a friend to talk to, or take you out and do something fun to relieve some of this stress?

    I hope you feel better soon. *hugs*
  5. I agree that you need to see a good therapist. I would suggest that you find someone who is honest and does not just tell you what you want to hear, like most of them do. Reason is, you need someone to tell you honestly if there is something you are doing (but that you are not aware of) that is impacting your interviewing, your former job, and so on. If not, maybe the therapist can help you get back on track career wise. Good luck
  6. Excellent suggestions. I'm sorry you're feeling so down. And I know what it feels like to not want to get up and go thru another day (and I don't mean suicidal thoughts, just that life is sometimes so, so hard). There will always be those who seem to sail thru life while the rest of us work hard and get shot down. At this point your negative feelings (justified, but they hinder growth) can be affecting the things you want to change and improve.

    Best wishes. We care.:heart:
  7. Thanks for the supportive notes! it really does help me :yes:

    well i've been dealing with depression for awhile. things were under control but it's only been recently with the last straw of school not working out that i've gone into this slump. even when my boss screwed me over, I took a deep breath and managed it as best I could. and i thought to myself maybe this happened so i could go back to school. So i kind of pinned my hopes on school hoping it would work out. hoping that after all the obstacles i had to go through, this ONE thing would finally work out. now that it hasn't, i'm just down in the pits.

    Anyway back to the therapist part. Well so i had a great therapist in NYC and she would be able to help me except for a couple of problems. a) i'm jobless and i can't afford her and have no insurance b) i'm still away from the US trying to deal with family problems. I saw a pyschologist a week ago and she wasn't helpful at all. I'm very hesitant to get help here because there are no privacy laws where I am. so if i get help for depression, it could well show up on my records and i don't want that to be used against me some time down the line.

    that's my problem. i don't have help that i need and honestly i can't afford it in this current situation i'm in. i'd deplete the bank account in no time if i got the help i need!! :p and no, i'm not buying bags either :hysteric:

    so given the situation, i just need to deal with it on my own and try to get out of this black hole that i'm in. that's why i'm trying to get some help and support online here =) Just feeling so lost and feeling like my life is not working out at all. =(
  8. Hey Emily83, I'm so sorry to hear that. *hugs to you* PM me if you ever want to talk kay? I hear you and i know what you mean. I've been struggling with those 2 aspects myself, although more the career than the bf. are you taking any steps to find a new job/go back to school etc? hopefully you have girlfriends there that you can hang out with in the meanwhile while recovering from the relationship.

    I'm in a 3.5 yr relationship that hasn't ended but i'm guessing will be ending soon because he can't commit. sigh. everytime we talked about the relationship he always said he was serious about it. but only now have i realized how far he is from being serious. he doesn't know if he wants to get married, he doesn't know if this is the relationship that's right for the long run etc. but that's the last thing on my mind given all the other problems i have. :push:

  9. Hey Danica,

    I'm so glad you found help when you were 18. you know i struggled with depression in college but i never got help. i guess i just didn't know. I would have made more friends and done more if i got help i think!

    I have a handful of friends here but no one really knows what's going on in my life right now. i'm a private person by nature and i don't want ppl to see my as a failure. ok it's not that bad perhaps but i don't want ppl to have pity in their eyes for me.

    i have 1 close friend here who knows what's going on. she's tried to tell me how it's not all that bad and that i could be in a worse situation (yes i agree but it doesn't help me from feeling the way i'm feeling). she keeps on telling me things will work out somehow but i can't see how. that i will get a random job and then proceed to be screwed over AGAIN??

    She's religious and let's say that after this incident i'm angry with God for not even giving me this one break in life that i need. So i'm not feeling particularly inclined to the statement of "it's god's will". she believes that god has a plan for us all and this is god's plan and it will all make sense in the end. I guess i'm not particularly inclined to god's plan which seems to equate to throwing obstacles in my life. HOW will i be better off not getting into school?!?! unless his plan is for me to struggle for the rest of my life without advancing in my career.

    i'm just so not in the mood to go out. i just want to hide in bed. perhaps i should force myself to go out. :confused1:

    Thanks for the hugs. *hugs back* (ok that was more for my benefit i think :p)

  10. Hey Boxermom,

    thanks for the :heart: =)

    yea, it's just so hard you know. I just want to hide in bed and not have to deal with my feelings and not have to deal with what to do next.

    it seems as though alot of my former classmates and colleagues have smooth sailing careers. and you know, that;s all i really want. I just want a good/great career, i'm not asking for a perfect life. my life as it is is very imperfect and i just want a good career so i can at least have some comfort of helping out with the family finances and not having to worry about the lack of $$ for myself and my family. not having to worry about whether i will end up in the streets post retirement because i don't have enough $$. (ok i'm in my 20s so retirement isn't around the corner but i do worry about not having enough and ending up in the streets or dying from some illness because i can't afford healthcare...i hate pain and dying from an illness is always painful i imagine:sad:)

    i'm sure my staying in bed and moping around at home is not helping my situation. I want things to change but i don't know how because at this point, the only people that can change things are the admissions officers at the schools and that is definitely NOT happening! :yucky:

    I know i need to put together a back up plan but i don't know how to change or improve my situation at this point in time. :confused1:

  11. (((((bubble))))) So sorry to hear you've been feeling this low. I have suffered with depression most of my life. I dealt with it in therapy, out of therapy, on meds, off meds, holistic methods - basically anything I could think of. The thing that probably helped me most when I was in the spot you are (sleeping a lot, not leaving the house, etc.) was getting a kitten. It gave me something to take care of that I had to get up for and play with, plus he was great company and never said anything stupid like "It's God's will (that you feel bad).":p It sounds tough to find help where you are, but perhaps there's a free clinic? Or a free/low-cost support group? The longer you let things go on this way, the worse you will feel...I know, I was watching game shows several hours a day while skipping class in college for 6 weeks before I did something about it. I hate game shows!:true:
  12. Forgot to say, start with a small step - it sounds like you're overwhelming yourself with all of the things you think you need to do at once. Retirement is a ways off, to get today working for you first!:yes:
  13. Hi, So sorry you are feeling this way. I have been there also after a very horrible marraige break up. I agree that you need to get help, someone to listen & help work through your issues. Try not to stay in bed that only makes things worse, write out a list of all the positives in your like. Get pro active, even get angry, anger is fuelling & will get you through the worst times without depression. Contact the college demand to know why you didn't get in when others of your standard did, you are entitled to an explanation. It is easy to say when you are feeling so low & cannot get motivated but try to DO it passes the time & it does help. Remember you have friends here & do post anytime rather than keeping all that misery inside you, write in down & get it out of your system. Good luck!
  14. I can feel your pain bubbleliciousis I too suffer from depression I have never seen a doctor for it becasue I just don't want to take mind altering drugs I think I can get through it on my own but that's just me. We were screwed over by a in-law in a business we co-opened it wasn't fair to say the least and eventually we sold our shares and went on while they became millionaires, now how f-ed up is that!!! But I think you need a PASSION find a reason whatever it maybe for you and use it to fuel your success and don't give up! Apply again, talk to addmissons don't quit! Create your own path. I will keep you in my prayers and pray that nothing but the best comes your way!!!:heart:
  15. hey thanks for the postings, it feels comforting to feel like i'm being heard.
    No low cost clinics here and no help so i'm going to have to deal with this on my own =( having this thread on TPF is pretty much my only hope and source of support, really.

    I went with my friends for a shopping trip (which is why i didn't post earlier) thinking that it'd be good to get some air and maybe it would cheer me up. but it didn't really. I just walked around with them and i didn't want to talk too much, it was too tiring for me. i bought 2 tops but it was totally unexciting - no thrill at all. i just got them cos they were on sale and i could use them. :sad:

    i know i need to do something about the situation but i feel like crap and i don't want to approach people about jobs because i think i'll probably make a bad impression at this point.

    I have thought of reapplying next year but i don't know what i would do with myself in the meanwhile and I don't think i could get a good enough job that would make my candidacy look more appealing next year. Sigh:s

    i just feel so low and all i can see for my future right now is that i'll get an average/random job and have to drag myself to work everyday so i can earn my paycheck to cover my costs (set some aside for bags of course!) and i won't be able to look back and say i had a successful career. and then someday i'll have to retire and i'll draw down on my savings till i'm out of cash and probably surviving on bread and charity handouts. it just looks bleak to me. :yucky: in the meanwhile, my friends are flourishing. some of it is comparison but it's not like i'm any less capable than they are you know?

    I don't want to look back at my life and feel that i accomplished nothing in my career. my career is very important to me but it looks like it's going nowhere. and after all the sacrifices i've made and things i've tried to do to make up for my missteps/mistakes, i feel so upset that things are not working out.

    thank you for your prayers because right now i can't pray and i've lost faith that things will work out. i'm so angry with god and the fact that he won't give me a break and i'm being screwed over again. i'm not asking for a perfect life, i just need things to be ok now and then. i don't have the energy to continue fighting all the time. so tired:sad:

    eddavhhr, i bet your kitty helped alot! my dog is with my bf while i'm dealing with family stuff unfortunately. i miss my doggie so much!! I hope you are feeling better these days. 6 hours of game show watching sounds like alot!! that might just drive me over the edge....:p

    Bag Angel: i'm so sorry to hear about the horrible marriage break up. My relationship breakups were bad enough and i can only imagine how difficult that is. I hope you're doing fine now and that you are happier now *hugs*

    That is just HORRIBLE!! i can't believe your in-law did that to you. I'm so soorry to hear that!! you were capable enough to come up with that multimillion $ idea so i'm sure you will come up with another. :yes: I've kind of lost interest in things, i don't really care about going out or what i eat. i get up to get things done because they need to get done. no passion right now =( hey if it's just mild depression you might be able to handle it on your own, if not go see someone ok? it helps and the meds don't alter your mind. it just brings a little relief. i had the same concerns as you did and i refused to take meds. i tried it and it helped me get through daily situations without feeling so angry and tired from dealing with others. you take care too *hugs*