help! eep. =/

H

heartfelt

O.G.
Dec 1, 2005
1,536
388
#1
maybe some of you ladies can help me out with some problems i've been having with my boyfriend..

we've been together for 3 years and i recently broke up with him. i do feel that i love him but i don't think he feels equally the same. the reason why we broke up was because he did something that i consider as unforgiveable right now. everytime i think about him, i think about what happened. i dont see myself letting go because he hurt me so deeply. the problem is ---i miss him and still love him.

what should i do?!! should i just learn to let go and try to move on? or should i learn to forgive?


(sorry this is so personal--i just needed to get it off my chest.. it's been killing me and it's finals time! i have a quiz literally in 30 minutes.. and its hard for me to study! :cry: )
 
#2
I am sorry to hear of your trouble.

If I may speak candid -

You are under pressure right now so all feelings will be amplified. Obviously whatever he did was serious enough for you to end the relationship. You did not say what it was, however, if it involved another woman then you made the right decision for the long haul.
One of two things would happen: 1 - he would never do it again, but you would never respect him the same, and would hold this over him whether or not you intend to. (or) 2 - he would continue to do the deviant behaviors because he got it away with it once.

You should concentrate on your studies, once these challenges are past you can concentrate more on getting on with your future whatever that future holds.
 
#3
If what he did is unforgivable...especially if it is something like cheating...then I say cut your losses and move on. You deserve to be treated like a princess, and to be with someone who you know loves you 100%. Its so hard when you realize you love the person more than they might love you, I've been there. I think in the end you would be happier with someone else. I know i am. ;) I'm sorry you are having to go through this, love is so hard and confusing. I think you know in your heart whether to fogive or forget for good.
*hugs*
 
#4
I agree word for word! For yourself and a healthy future, please move on. Its tough at first because you are use to him. But time will pass as will emotions and that really great guy is outhere waiting. Give the new unknown, and much better guy a chance with you. You deserve only the best!
 
#5
I think almost everyone immediately has second thoughts upon breaking up with someone, no matter for what reason. I really sympathize with your situation. I broke up with my boyfriend of a year about three months ago and everyone told me I was crazy. I definitely spent a couple days regretting it but ultimately I'm so glad I did.

If you broke up with him for a good reason, I say stick with your decision. Like Ramskimmie said, you're just "used to him," but don't mistake that for real love.
 
#6
OMG heartfelt, I'm sorry to hear of your pain. But I completely concur w/ everyone else's comments thus far. Being on both ends of the spectrum which is much to my embarrassment, I know the mindsets of both sides. Granted my deviant ways were when I was younger (I lived and learned) but my boyfriend at the time who I would say would have been in your shoes right now, didn't wait around for me to grow up and neither should you.

On the other side of this token, I have been cheated on (not sure if this is what you're experiencing but this is my experience), and every time I saw my BF, all I could think about was him w/ another girl. It made absolutely no sense for me to stay w/ him for sake of comfort and our long history together. I'm a better person for both gut-wrenching episodes in my life and trust me, a lot of tears have been shed. I have been blessed with a whole new life now and an endearing husband. I would NEVER think about hurting him in any way and I just hope you'll be able to look past your comfort and history w/ your ex and move on to someone who deserves your heart and won't trample on it.

Good luck on your studying and let us know how you're doing.
 
#7
I'm sorry to hear that. If what he did was unforgivable, I think you should move on. It is natural for you to miss him and still love him because hes been in your life for three years. Now that you guys are no longer together you feel this emptiness. Just focus on school. I know it is easier said than done but I know you can do it.
 
#8
Danica said:
If what he did is unforgivable...especially if it is something like cheating...then I say cut your losses and move on. You deserve to be treated like a princess, and to be with someone who you know loves you 100%. Its so hard when you realize you love the person more than they might love you, I've been there. I think in the end you would be happier with someone else. I know i am. ;) I'm sorry you are having to go through this, love is so hard and confusing. I think you know in your heart whether to fogive or forget for good.
*hugs*
Click to expand...

Danica thanks for saying just what I'd say! I've lived this too.

heartfelt : I'll add that I am so sorry to hear about this. :sad2: It will be harder to concentrate on your studies but you've got to do this for yourself, even if you have to throw yourself into school or work
or lean on good friends at this time. And we're here for you and many here have "been there" too no doubt.

I'm PROUD of you for knowing your limits and making the decision. That is such a mature and healthy step forward and very brave when sometimes it's easier to hang on and try to rationalize.
 
#9
The bottom line is if he loved you or even cared for you, he wouldnt do anything to hurt you. Think about it this way. Pick someone you love in your life alot. Would you do something to them intentionally to cause them pain? No. I think to many women stay in relationships with men who obviously dont care about them. Move on.....be happy you didnt marry him. The next great guy is just around the corner.
Good luck
Selena
 
#10
Awww, I really empathize with you. I recently went through ( still going through...) a really difficult break-up. I can understand your need to hang onto the situation/person because it's comforting... You really know/love this person and you just desperatly want it to be like it was. Unfortunatly it's never going to be the same, and if he did something really awful then you need to reevaluate why you're considering taking him back. Is it because you're really stressed out right now and need someone to lean on? Remain friends with him if you must, from personal experience this is really difficult but if he is a good guy it can be beneficial. If not, you need to try and move on- it's hard to see it now but I'm sure you'll find someone much better- also enjoy being a single girl!! I know I am. :smile: Don't let your relationships define who you are.

Best of luck, and don't worry about venting here, sometimes an anyonomous audience is the most objective one ( even if we lack knowing you and the situation personally!). I hope everything works out and I hope you're not too stressed!
 
#11
***hugs*** im no good with this kind of stuff.. im always like a stone when stuff like this happens... i tend to cut ppl out.

just follow your heart it never lets you down.... ***hugs***
 
#12
Selena said:
The bottom line is if he loved you or even cared for you, he wouldnt do anything to hurt you. Think about it this way. Pick someone you love in your life alot. Would you do something to them intentionally to cause them pain? No. Move on.....be happy you didnt marry him. The next great guy is just around the corner.
Good luck
Selena
Click to expand...


Hello Heartfelt! Selena summed it up very well and I just wanted to add this: time will always heel the wounds of a broken romance. Some day, you will look back on this and think (in a light-hearted way) "gee, why did I get so hung up on this guy?" I know that sometimes when we're younger (ie, high school, maybe first year university), sometimes romances can seem larger than life - infatuation is at the forefront.

Please try to concentrate on your studies. Think about the other people in your life who care for you. Think about the other things that make you happy - that'll help you move on, and focus on your studies more comfortably and happily. :smile:
 
#13
wow. im just overwhelmed! you all are so sweet! thanks for the suggestions. im trying to stay strong! i trying to stand by what i believe in and not just cave in and forget about everything (which i usually do because i'm such a pushover =/ ). he didnt cheat on me haha. if he did he'd be out that door faster than i could say WHAT THE $#@%^$*? but yeah. i just felt he really betrayed me so i guess i need time to see if i can really forgive him or not. thanks ladies!! *HUGS*
 
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