Oh how torn I felt when I saw your post.. I try to refrain from replying cuz I just can relate too much.
I'm so sorry this happened to you and your mom. It's just a bad situation that I believe literally
no one wanted, including the SA (it's hard to imagine that she did this on purpose to ruin your Christmas but I understand your point and anger that your experience is ruined due to the SA's careless mistake.
First of all. I feel your pain - I really do - especially as this happened to me before though a long time ago (this post brings the memory back and trust me it still feels and stings like yesterday). if it makes you feel any better (which I hope it does), this could totally happen to me and from the posts of others, some of them too!
Shake it off - your intention is really great and noble and your mom knows it too inside that this is because you are a great loving daughter (I'm sure there are ones who forget Christmas nor want to make such a lovely gesture for sure!)
But perhaps her priority is not to recognize that, but rather first her mom instinct to protect and help you already has her looking out for
your welfare in how you spend your hard earned $ and can't help but want to help you adjust your sense of value.... (hence the lecture - it comes from a good place too as she's just looking out for you as moms do, whether or not it's needed or justified)
Every situation is different, but thought hopefully sharing my disastrous attempts may help provide some perspective that you might be able to glean on what you think would be the best action for this difficult choice in what to do next.
I was much younger, starting out working hard at a good job making (and saving) decent $. I don't buy any luxury goods at the time at all and not into handbags or anything specific. Despite that my mom always lecture me to save save save. Come her birthday I saw this designer bag that was just gorgeous, practical, timeless, and so very nice. it was on sale though still at a price point that I have never/would not spend at.
I love it and want it for myself because its gorgeous, and a great deal for what it was, but I would not spend that kind of $ on myself! it's my mom's birthday and I pulled the trigger and bought it for her. I was soooo excited...! I gave it to her during her birthday in high anticipation.... you can see the excellent quality of the leather and design, you can tell it's very nice... my mom opens it up and her face fell. only said "How much did you spend on this?" it proceeded to pretty much the same situation you had above where she "doesn't understand how I spend $" etc. (The kicker was: I wouldn't have spent that on myself at the time).
Icing on the cake: my sister bought her a nice $200
coach leather bag which she happily accepted and continued to use as her go to bag (where mine never made an appearance - she tried to give it back to me on that day but I refused). She seem to make it a point telling people how great that coach bag was etc etc (surely part of her intention to ensure I hear it as part of my "lesson" on value
).
I was aware that I was being "punished for my own good". I definitely cried that day after returning home. I was also very stubborn (still am), so every holiday/occasion, I amp it up and buy
even more expensive goods for her for awhile I was trying to wear her down
at that point it was just a petty thing that I do that did not make anyone happy. It was just my "phfffftttt!!!" to get it out of my system.
Long story short, it doesn't work. Our sense of values' ad perspective from our exposed environment too different (I wish I saw it then). I think and feel that I worked hard to earn these things and the reward along with other incentives keeps me reaching higher and doing better. She comes from a generation that worked just as hard but still have to scrimp and save to have what they need. It took me many many years, but I now understand while not that it's impossible to relate to each other - but it's not simple as it's generational and part of the core of who we are that's different - if you attempt it, it will take real finess and patience. It's similar to many who are on this forum because many of their family and friends IRL do not relate and appreciate same thing in same way we do here. (but I get you!!!
)
To date - the bag that I got for my mom never made an appearance - it's over 15 years. I'm pretty certain it never will. I do secretly hope that she might look at it in the corner of her closet and perhaps she felt slightly good that her daughter got her something nice and smile knowing that I love her - but quite frankly I cannot be sure that she's not cursing at me for buying something that's expensive but not "useful" still holding her closet space hostage.
The more likely scenario is that she gave it to someone else that she thinks can use luxury goods more.
In my situation, I know now I wish I bought her a coach bag or something like it I know she can appreciate. It's what
she's comfortable with coming from me that would make her happy. Something she likes and will use for her lifestyle with her sense of responsible value. (I guess we can be glad we don't have a mom on the flip side who just want their daughter to sell their soul and be money makers?
) The nice bag is what made
me comfortable and happy as I want to give her the best I can - even what I wont for myself. Oh don't misunderstand, she can
easily afford Chanels and any other luxury brand and she does spend $ on other things, but not on bags for sure. I now know the trick is to find where her sense of worth and value are for different things so like for someone who collects stamps, buying them a $4000 limited edition stamp may shock them and make them tear up with joy, but buying that person a Chanel bag which I love would probably have unpredictable reaction. Many people I know of who hold up a Chanel-like bag and say "see it's just the same thing and mine's better" IRL spend astronomical $ on other things that I can't imagine. it's not that they can't afford it, but we just have different sense in where we perceive value and get our enjoyment from.
I get your desire to cultivate and share something you appreciate and love with your mom though, especially because you live so far away and maybe don't see her often as you like. I do see the other poster's point though that perhaps with or without the SA mix up it may possibly still trigger the value reaction. I mean, realistically there are many brands that others don't recognize like Celine, etc. unless they're into luxury goods. However, Chanel exudes many things we all love here (timeless elegance, etc.) but one thing it also loudly says (whether we want to or not as it's well... quite recognizable) is that it's not cheap...
Perhaps if its possible, find a common ground in what Chanel has to offer and something that she really really loves? does she love scarfs/wallet for example since she thought it's too much $ to spend on brooches?
otherwise, perhaps since you need to sort this out anyway, would you know of something that is equivalent in price point but more up her alley?
I hope that you don't get discouraged by it. it seems to me that she must get that you love her lots to get her a nice gift like this, but maybe it's a matter of calibrating what your and her sense of value is to get her something she's more comfortable with/that doesn't trigger the "mom radar
good luck!!!!!
