3 yrs ago in the middle of college, I hit my peak weight of 170+ lbs at a height of 5'6. I'd been overweight and chubby for as long as I can remember. Then that summer for the millionth time, I decided I was going to lose it. I began eating healthy and exercising every day. Over a year, I went down to 135. But by this time, being healthy and the mindset of dieting consumed my life. I wasn't just not eating - I was eating all the right foods - whole grain bread/muffins, grilled chicken, lots of a huge variety of veggies and fruits, and even started drinking tomato juice instead of soda. I was constantly planning the "right" times to eat what kinds of food and how much of it. I constantly thought about how I could improve my workout routine. I wasn't crazy but I was doing over one hour of cardio and one hour of strength training per day, plenty to maintain my then fit and toned 120+ lb body. Looking back, I should've been satisfied and appreciative of my body at that point, instead of constantly thinking I can do better. Then one point last year, I distinctly remember one night when I picked up a piece of chocolate my roommate had given me earlier and looking at it. There's no way I would've eaten that so late at night, considering it would've damaged the effects of an entire day of healthiness. But after just staring at it and actually having a conversation w/myself, I was like screw it and I popped it in. I immediately felt this sense of relief and liberation, like I was free. Like after all these years of constantly thinking and planning my life around health and dieting, I could finally let go. Ever since that particular night, I took some sort of guilty pleasure in eating unhealthy and at the wrong times, sort of like revenge to some unknown being. I just got tired of leading a healthy lifestyle. Totally fed up with it. It's only been a year, but gauging from the mirror, I've probably put on a good 20-30 lbs, just from a mere year of complete 180 from my old lifestyle - greasy unhealthy foods eaten late at night and absolutely no exercise. Logically, I know this is bad for me and I'd be much healthier if I led my healthy lifestyle again, but I just can't bring myself to do it. Really, who just gets fed up with leading a healthy lifestyle, especially when it has really paid off? I feel like answering that question is the first step to me finding the motivation to be healthy again.