whoa scary. I think I would be a little worried if I came across you in a dark alley and I happened to be your MIL. yikes
whoa scary. I think I would be a little worried if I came across you in a dark alley and I happened to be your MIL. yikes
Yeah, whatever. It is so easy to criticize when they haven't walked in those shoes.
Yes, I do understand your point but right now, it is very hard to deal with this woman at this moment. Unfortunately she has done so much damage that it needs alot of work to repair. Thank you for your advice.
No one is being rude to you, in all of these posts members are giving their honest opinion on your rant. I have been a member for about a year,and most of these ladies on this board are very kind,and nice. Its clear that you are upset, please resepect others members opinions,just because you dont agree it doesnt give you the freedom to give sarcastic,rude responses to people who nay you. Your family clearly needs therapy,and this is a forum that gives retail handbag therapy,not pscyotherapy!.
no one is being rude to you, you're just upset that we don't all agree. polite disagreement is different than rudeness.
i'm a grown woman of almost 21 now, and my mom let me draw my own conclusions with her mother-in-law, my paternal grandmother. she was very critical of my mother (as she is of everyone, i've come to see), made nasty, passive-aggressive comments, and was extremely demanding as far as taking up my mother's time, staying at our house uninvited, etc. i didn't notice this, really, when i was a child, and my mother never kept us from her or spoke a bad word about her - i really don't know the extent of how badly she treated my mother. as i got into my teenage years, i began to notice this going on, and i formed my own opinion of her. letting your children know their grandparents doesn't mean they'll join forces with her against you. it means that they'll learn a very valuable lesson in dealing with difficult people and that not everyone has the best of intentions.
i still love my grandmother dearly, because i know she loves us, but i have no respect for how she's conducted herself toward my mother. simple as that.
no one is being rude to you, you're just upset that we don't all agree. polite disagreement is different than rudeness.
i'm a grown woman of almost 21 now, and my mom let me draw my own conclusions with her mother-in-law, my paternal grandmother. she was very critical of my mother (as she is of everyone, i've come to see), made nasty, passive-aggressive comments, and was extremely demanding as far as taking up my mother's time, staying at our house uninvited, etc. i didn't notice this, really, when i was a child, and my mother never kept us from her or spoke a bad word about her - i really don't know the extent of how badly she treated my mother. as i got into my teenage years, i began to notice this going on, and i formed my own opinion of her. letting your children know their grandparents doesn't mean they'll join forces with her against you. it means that they'll learn a very valuable lesson in dealing with difficult people and that not everyone has the best of intentions.
i still love my grandmother dearly, because i know she loves us, but i have no respect for how she's conducted herself toward my mother. simple as that.
KK-your last e-mail clarifies a lot of things. It does sound by your one response to someone that you don't have a nice outlook towards people who are "lower class"-thats not good! It doesn't matter what your class is, its just how you treat others. You might want to take a look at that. In your case, I really wouldn't classify limiting your visits with someone who is abusive as revenge. Visiting when your husband feels a need and for holidays is reasonable. I don't know, I just don't get the whole issue with mothers. I think disrespecting your daughter in law is also disrespecting your son as well. I know I want my son to be happy and I accept that someday he will marry and have another woman in his life. If I treated his wife like garbage I wouldn't have the highest expectation for her to come skipping over my house to drop off her baby! I guess I'm less into obligation by blood and more into grandchildren being a privelege gained through love and respect for the parents, not so much a right.
I'll always keep my head up high, be respectful and won't bad mouth to my children as everyone has said, but I really want to do my best to break some bad cycles and raise my son in a positive,warm environment. Also, your relationship with your husband is the most important-these mean MIL's are getting too much attention.
OK, I hope I haven't offended here and I think I am going to go back to reading about handbags!!!
Wow, Amanda! Your maturity and the grace that your mom behaved with is an inspiration. I applaud your mother for trusting you to find your balance within your family. Too bad more families can't do that--children seem to suffer the most, when the adults( ) take out their issues on others.
KK-please read the responses as attempts to help. Most of us have had similar experiences with family/in-laws (including me) so don't assume we haven't been in your shoes. Sincerely, best wishes to you in finding a way to deal with your MIL that doesn't destroy the grandparent-grandchild bond, if possible.
I hear what you are saying...I have a crazy SIL and a passive-agreesive MIL...and it is very fustrating and crazy.....its hard to really explain all the little things that effect not only me but my kid and family....
But...when I truely looked at cutting ties or lashing back...or all these other options....it really turns out that its only giving them what they want...then theres the "its still family" thing....that will never change no matter what...
I do think that just holding back is not the right thing all the time.....there is a time to speak up and say what has hurt you...I did that....and although they still havent changed...they learned to shut up a little and I learned to totally ignore them....
To show my kid that...... if a problem comes up and there is no "right" solution...if I give an example of ignoring it or just discarding it by doing all those things I wanted to...was showing defeat...so I found a way...for us.
Hope everything turns out ok for you too.....:shame: *hugs**