Hatred of the Out Laws - do you have one?!?

minami

Jenn
O.G.
Aug 20, 2006
8,628
445
xoxo
I know that not everyone will love their in laws, but although sometimes my MIL gets a LITTLE bit on my nerves..she is quickly forgiven cause she is actually very nice although juts a bit clingy on my DH. besides that, dont like his sister and her family..but nothing like major..just don't chat much with her/them..soooo....hope ur situation gets better but I do think it sounds sad that your MIL doesnt get to see her grandkids? just my opinion though cause I dont know the whole story...but esp since she is so old and alone, perhaps if she changes her ways...you could forgive her? (just a thought)
 

MAGs

Emily :)
May 4, 2006
2,484
1
You say that she's trying to be nice to you now, right? What if she's realized that she's been treating you badly before and that you didn't derserve that. I hope you'll be able to give her a chance because she still is your children's grandma... It'd be terrible if they didn't connect at all.

As for my in-laws, they're not perfect but I haven't had anything awful to share. My fahter-in-law is very nice and my mother-in-law is starting to warm up to me.... so far so good :smile:
 

IntlSet

Bonjour!
Jan 29, 2006
12,532
49
Chicago
This is satire, right? Because I'm pretty sure a grown woman who would call her "out-laws" "class-less *****es," "from a low-class family" wouldn't bat an eyelash at saying similarly tactless things in front of relatives.
 

Sunshine

O.G.
Feb 1, 2006
12,049
24
I have a hard time with in laws sometimes...but I A L W A Y S treat them with respect. I will hold my thoughts and smile. I did this over Thanksgiving and as soon as I went to bed I was crying my eyes out over things they said etc...but always a lady...always.
 

shoegal

O.G.
Mar 10, 2006
1,938
1
Illinois
You should also remember that your children are watching your behavior more than Grandma. If you have any hopes of them being healthy adjusted adults, with mates, you may want to reconsider using them to punish your MIL for the past. If it doesn't bother you enough to confront the issue with your in-laws, don't condemn your DH or use your children to address it. You don't want to appear cowardly to your children. If someone is hurting them, the lesson you should want them to learn is to stand up for themselves. I do understand that in-law relationships can be difficult, but I always try to think of the relationship I want to have with my children when they are adults. I would HATE for them to not allow my grandchildren to see me.
 

merika

Wol
O.G.
Nov 1, 2006
10,409
100
Too bad that the only decent person in his family was his late father. He has a sister that lives over sea and thinks she's queen sh?t when she comes and that everyone must shower them with gifts but she buys us cr?p, applying credit at high end stores and leaving the bills for my husband to pay. His brother is a loser as well. Hope you know who you are and reading it.

Any stories to share with me so I don't feel so miserable?:s
Are you trying to send a message to a particular member of this forum?
 

chloe-babe

O.G.
May 1, 2006
17,391
300
United Kingdom
I think my first 500 posts were all about the fashion ;)

me thinks somebody is just trying to stir us all up! - seriously, why would a new poster write something so blatantly controversial? :confused1:
 

lucykitty

Member
Sep 10, 2006
47
0
Its really hard to post about situations like this on forums because there are so many details that get left out to give people the real feel and whole picture of the situation.

I could not even begin to go into detail about the terrible situation my husband and I have suffered through with his mother who was widowed 20 years ago. We have no alies whatsoever with his three other siblings(all in their 30's) as they all live together and must think the same. Being a widow does not mean you have a right to be cruel to people and have it over- looked.

My husband and I started family therapy together before getting married to make sure we stayed on the same page. She would never attend therapy with us. Most people who have little insight or emotional intelligence are not very open to therapy. If your MIL had any of this it is likely she wouldn't treat you this way to begin with.

The best you can do is never stoop to their level, hold your head up and be polite. This doesn't mean not standing up for yourself or being blatantly disrespected-just maintaining the good self you are despite how you are treated. Its so worth it for both yourself and you are giving them absolutely no amunition and you can have a clear consious.

We have a 2 year old now and I understand how uncomfortable it is to share your child with people who are cruel to you. It feels emotionally un-safe. We visit her with him, but do not leave him alone with her (for other reasons too difficult to get into.)

I understand the rage you feel and that you are just venting here. It takes a lot of work, but its not too late for you to get rid of the anger. Its hard to forgive when someone doesn't say they're sorry, but try to feel better so the anger doesn't consume you. I know its hard. You really have to be in someones shoes completely to undestand their situation

Sorry for the long post. Stay focused on the good people you have in your life.
 

lucykitty

Member
Sep 10, 2006
47
0
Its really hard to post about situations like this on forums because there are so many details that get left out to give people the real feel and whole picture of the situation.

I could not even begin to go into detail about the terrible situation my husband and I have suffered through with his mother who was widowed 20 years ago. We have no alies whatsoever with his three other siblings(all in their 30's) as they all live together and must think the same. Being a widow does not mean you have a right to be cruel to people and have it over- looked.

My husband and I started family therapy together before getting married to make sure we stayed on the same page. She would never attend therapy with us. Most people who have little insight or emotional intelligence are not very open to therapy. If your MIL had any of this it is likely she wouldn't treat you this way to begin with.

The best you can do is never stoop to their level, hold your head up and be polite. This doesn't mean not standing up for yourself or being blatantly disrespected-just maintaining the good self you are despite how you are treated. Its so worth it for both yourself and you are giving them absolutely no amunition and you can have a clear consious.

We have a 2 year old now and I understand how uncomfortable it is to share your child with people who are cruel to you. It feels emotionally un-safe. We visit her with him, but do not leave him alone with her (for other reasons too difficult to get into.)

I understand the rage you feel and that you are just venting here. It takes a lot of work, but its not too late for you to get rid of the anger. Its hard to forgive when someone doesn't say they're sorry, but try to feel better so the anger doesn't consume you. I know its hard. You really have to be in someones shoes completely to undestand their situation

Sorry for the long post. Stay focused on the good people you have in your life.
Sorry for mispellings-Up all night with sick child!
 

Blair Waldorf

Member
Aug 15, 2006
3,682
1
For someone who claims that their in-laws are "low-class", you are exhibiting very low-class behaviour and have written a post that doesn't have the writing/spelling skills of someone who is "upper middle class".
Now now, the upper-middle class has its fair share of idiots too.
 

The KK

Member
Nov 23, 2006
38
0
Yes, it sounds like we are in the same boat. I am criticized on this forum for not letting my children see her. I didn't go into full detail but every time we see her, she always makes remarks how they all look like their side of the family. It is so obvious that 2 of my 3 children looks like my dad. She becomes angry and makes cheap shot comments. Both my husband and I are Asian with black hair, she claims that the children have black hair like her. Yeah, OK????

I also feel very comfortable for my children to be with her since she has always been so cruel to me. There has been many times that she does not even ackowledge that I am their mother, all she talks about is their Daddy.

She also gives my children food that has been expired for years to eat and once my son dropped a macaroni on the floor, she picked it up and put it in his mouth. By the time I said something, it was too late. Now can people understand why I don't let my children see her.

Don't know how much family therapy will do. My sister is in the same boat and her therapist tell her that people have confict in life.

I have always been polite to this woman but after 20 years I will no longer take it from her.

Thanks for your understanding and your story.

Will write more later.
 

The KK

Member
Nov 23, 2006
38
0
Believe it or not I have always been very polite to this woman and kept my mouth shut all these years and have cried a river with her cheap comments. I am not looking for sympathy but need to do some venting! Thank you to all those understand me and great advices and for those who criticized me, well you never know, you may just be in my shoes one day.

As for not letting my children see her, she often tries to turn them against me. Read my response above.