Hating family members...

#31
I have those kind of feelings for my stepmother, I sometimes hate her so much that it hurts. I hate her because she's lazy, she doesn't cook , she doesn't clean the house ,she doesn't even take care of herself( her feet stink so bad that you can't stay in the same room , her armpit hair is 2-3 inches long even in the summer time) she always pays late fees for almost every bill and drives my father crazy, she's never been there for me , not that we lived much together, but now I have to. She recently withdrew $ 2000 from savings without telling my father a word. and so much more...yeah , she's that bad and I feel sorry for my father because he's smart and handsome and he trusted her for so long. I don't wanna see her dead , but I'll certainly have a permanent repulsive feeling for her.
I guess I know how much you suffer when you see your father upset, but don't wish them death , it's always a payback time
 
#32
I can totally see where you are coming from. I really can't stand my grandmother and my uncle(on my mom's side). My grandmother has treated my mother like crap her entire life. My mother bends over back wards for this woman and she has never said thank you or shown any signs of appreciation. Just a few days before DH and I were getting married she threatened to disown me and my mother because I wasn't getting married in the catholic church. DH and I wanted his father to marry us because he was a methodist minister for over 20 years. I thank god every day that he married us. Just 4 months after we were married his father passed away from a heart attack. I apologized to my grandmother before DH and I were married. I didn't do it because I thought I was doing the wrong thing, I did it because if I didn't she would keep my grandfather from myself and my family. My grandfather was the whole reason I was ever civil to that woman. I also can't stand my grandmother because she always treated my grandfather like crap. She would always yell at him and tell him how stupid he was. I hate to say this but I wish she was the one who died and not him. The thing that made me stop loving her was when DH and I got back from our honeymoon. She invited us over for lunch. Stupid me decided to go because I thought she was trying to be nice. Boy was I wrong, as soon as DH and I got there she told us, "you know, you aren't married in the eyes of god". My uncle is almost as bad as my grandmother. Up until my grandfather died he never came around except on holidays. About a year before my grandfather died my uncle just bought his million dollar house and told my grandparents not to come to his house warming party because he was ashamed of them because when he was growing they were the poor working class.

I wish you and your family the best. I know its really hard trying to deal with certain family members. *hugs*
 
#33
One thing about family is that you see the best and worst in them, far more so than anyone else. I have to say that it's somewhat refreshing to see other people having the same problems with their family as I do with mine. My husband's family are literally the Cleavers, so they have no comprehension. Mine was the family where it was not atypical for the asian drama of "It's now time to die..." (Am I allowed to say that here?)

In the end, I've finally learned to accept them for what they are and not allow some of them to hurt me too much. Once you establish your boundaries, you can cope with it better. It always hurts though to see other loved ones get run through the mud because they haven't set theirs. I feel your pain, hang in there. It's always harder for families with deep-rooted traditions and sense of duty. You take the good with the bad. At least your father will always have the peace of knowing that he did his duty.
 
#34
I don't care to mention which family member I can't stand, but I will say this-I was told when dealing with her, just say everything is fine. Never volunteer any information, because it can and will be used against you.
I found this to be invaluable, because now that she cannot find anything to criticize, her phone calls are much fewer. Thank God, she lives in another state.
I never wished her dead, but I have many times wished she would just get out of my life. Unfortunately, she is an immediate family member and I can't really do that completely.
 
#36
I feel so bad for you Intlset. You seem like one of the sweetest people in this blog that your grandparents MUST be pretty awful for you to "hate" them. If it helps you any we are all "victims of victims" in this life. Hurt people, hurt people. I can't imagine what your grandparents life must have been like growing up to have turned them into such unpleasant people. But I guess the pain just has to stop somewhere so future generations (like yourself) don't continue to inherit these feelings. I'll bet you give your dad boatloads of love and support. I hope you can forgive your grandparents someday and realize they are probably incredibly miserable, unhappy people. Of course, my little opinions are based on just the few words you've conveyed but the spirit of your post is very strong.
Stay sweet and try not to hate. It will only age you.
: )
 
#37
jc2239 said:
plus my father's side of the family is all step-brothers and sisters who hate us because we're successful i guess, and i hate them for having treated my father like a servant while he was growing up and still mistreating him even though he worked his ass off to put them all through college
Click to expand...

Wow, jc, are you sure your dad's side of the family and my mom's side of the family aren't related? They sound like they can be identical triplets, quadruplets....! They are the most ungrateful bunch I have ever met in my life, a truly unique specie.

I thank my lucky stars every night that I do not live in the same continent as they do. :noworry:
 
#38
Reading all these posts for the first time just breaks my heart. So much pain out there! The hardest thing to do in this world is to "love your enemies" and to "pray for those that persecute you". Vengence is Gods. But the irony is that we shouldn't wish Gods vengence on anyone because we all pretty much deserve it by the way we treat each other at one time or another. It's funny, everyone wants world peace, but we as individuals can't even establish that in our immediate environments. It has to start at home. It's hard work but you can find peace. Remember, the meek shall inherit the earth. Justice will be done. By forgiving others no matter what, "you heap hot coals upon their heads". And hopefully, those that are hurting you will see the error in their ways. If not, that is their own burden to bear and they will have to answer for it one day.
You will all be in my prayers tonight. You are all really wonderful women (and guys!)
 
#39
Its really a shame to feel so much negative emotion towards anyone, especially a family member. But it does happen and its a reality. I think everyone has been there in one way or another. Im a firm believer that blood is NOT thicker than water. I have been treated with more kindness and love from unrelated people to me that some in my imediate family. Just focus on people who do make your life better and try to not dwell on the people who agrivate you. I know its easier to say than to put into practice...Good luck. :love:
 
#42
I know how you feel. I just got home from the hospital (my mom's brother is in ICU) and all her siblings (5 out of the 6) are horrible, mean, and cold. Well after my grandfather passed away 2 years ago they got worse and I just got tiered of forgiving them and then them hurting me all over again. There is only one uncle who is a sweetheart. Well tonight at the hospital we say goodbye to everyone and to that one special uncle I give him a hug and a kiss (he is also from out of town so hadn't seen him in a while, maybe that's why I like him (lol) ) My aunt comes from nowhere and wants a kiss and hug herself. I said I couldn't I didn't feel it and she got all mad. I'm not fake with anyone, I would hate to be the kind of person who is nice to her face and can't stand her guts after. The sad part is that I think the only reason she wanted the hug/kiss was because I gave one to her brother and she felt left out. That was the only reason.
 
#43
I know how you feel. My mother's in-laws really took advantage of my mom when I was growing up, and even now, my grandmother on my father's side, and esp. a younger brother of my father's is driving my mother crazy. Some of the stuff is really unbelievable and that uncle tells outright lies. But the hard thing is, I have a different memory of them and their treatment of me. I was a special favorite of my grandmother's. So I feel caught in the middle sometimes. (But of course I am ALWAYS on my mother's side).

You are a good daughter to care so much. I'm sure it really helps to just listen to your father, and let him get it out. That reminds me that I should call my mom....

Also, I've tried so hard with my FIL, but nothing I am or do ever was, is, or will be ever good enough. I'm ready to give up. Luckily, my MIL is a sweatheart, but I have to wonder sometimes how she put up with him all these years. A good friend once told me she decided to distance herself from the "toxic people" in her life. But how can you do that with family, esp. in-laws that live a few blocks away :amazed: ? I really can't wait to save enough money to move farther away.

Phew, it feels better to let it out. (MY FIL said a hurtful thing to me earlier this evening). This forum is even good for emotional health!! :biggrin:
 
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