Hating family members...

#16
IntlSet, i understand your frustrations and it's probably your anger speaking. my dad is going to the philippines shortly to see his father who's been in and out of the hospital. but his siblings will accompany him so he will be the one spending his money on four plane tickets (round-trip), hospital bills, nurse/caretaker bills, hotel expenses for all of them, etc. i know for a fact that my aunt and uncles (who all work, too) will not contribute a single penny for any of this either. i hate when my relatives 'freeload' off my dad like that. we're not rich either.

but your dad is a very strong man. it's his parents and your dad cannot do anything less than love and be committed and responsible to this own mom and dad no matter how he feels or what struggles and obstacles he must overcome. you must feel horrible hatred b/c for all that he has done for them, he just gets nothing but mistreatment from them. you love him and just want to see him get the love and respect and appreciation that he rightfully deserves in return. but you know how parents can get with their own kids-nothing can ever be satisfactory for them and they push their kids even further (no matter how adult their own kids are) over the edge. and it gets so overbearing that you would rather die than live with that.
sorry for the blah-blah-blah and yada-yada-yada. just keep by your dad's side b/c he needs that love and strength from you to deal with them. IntlSet, your grandparents are old, so insanity will set in. please hang in there!

And, Tanja, i say it's time to get the heck out of there. i had a boss who used to humiliate me on a daily basis. she was the only female manager in a japanese corporation-she thought she had to be the b*tch and have no one, esp. men, push her around. when she hired me as her asst mgr, she wanted so much for me to be just like her. not only did it get me a lot of enemies in the firm but also made me my own enemy b/c i hated what i had become (i was a dr jekyll and mr hyde). i cried EVERYDAY when i got home. my husband repeated asked me to resign b/c it's not worth it at all although i was reluctant b/c of my title and position. but one day i couldn't take anymore and resigned the next morning (and w/out a new job). i went to the dept head for exit interview to complain about her and straighten things out (her lies) but he just chuckled and said "...well, she gets the job done...". that's the last thing i wanted to hear. so i said sayonara.
 
#17
I totally understand...I have a pretty awful relationship with my mom...seriously.Thats why I concentrate on being a stay at home mom...mine was never around for me(I had a nanny from hell)...I get back at my mom by being a totally amazing mom to my kids...it drives her crazy!
 
#22
Oh how terrible! There's no hatred but I think some jealousy and ill-will. My parents aren't native-born Americans, but came here 30 years ago and have enjoyed great success so I think our foreign relatives may resent the "rich Americans" in the family. I am sorry though, your dad will be back soon!
 
#23
Intlset, I hope your father returns soon. Just check up on him everyday. I can relate, I don't think your thoughts are extreme. I have relatives who I hate. They are my dad's sister and her daughter, my cousin. Those evil women are just using my Grandma. Grandma lives with my aunt. In the past 4 years, my aunt has opened 20K in credit card debt in grandma's name, have delayed medical care for her when she was sick, and leave her home alone all the time (and my fat cousin is paid 3K a month to care for her and she doesn't have a real job). They screen calls, don't let us visit without 2 days notice, and are a real pain. If anything were to happen to my aunt and cousin I wouldn't cry a drop!
 
#24
That's real bad Intlset, sometimes we can't help the way we feel. Hugs for you xx
As the saying goes, you can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family - how true is that??

I personally am not at all keen on my blood grandfather.
He never gives anything to the grandkids, or great grandkids, in the emotional and financial sense of the word, despite the fact they have quite a bit rolling around in the bank - and plead poverty on a regular basis. I haven't had a phonecall in well over a year, if i want to speak to them, i have to phone them.

My grandad is always putting my mum down, making her and the rest of the family feel bad, criticising them about everything they do. He's worn my mum down so much over the years she's reluctant to go round there and my sister now refuses to go and see them at all as he decided to tell her straight what was best for her child in no uncertain terms.:oh: He also digs at other family members behind backs and my poor old nan has to sit there and take it (oh yes, her life would not be worth living if she dared to argue with him - not in a violent sense of the word, but he is always right).:unsure:

Funnily enough, as much i dislike the way he is, i love him dearly and i wouldn't want to see him come to any harm, but he does have real issues. He's 77 now so i don't think he's going to change.

He never has a pop at me, i am the only one from the whole family who seems to have escaped his wicked tongue....i think that's because i'd give him as good as i get, and he knows it...;)
 
#26
I feel that way Intlset. I feel that way about my father's side. It makes me want to bring my family over and not have anything to do with them ever again. I know I'm going straight to hell for this. I've even told my BF I'd hire a hitman and wipe my father's side out. Now how bad is that?! I do not wish to speak to them, see them or hear from them ever again. Except for a few cousins maybe. They didn't do anything to me. And one of my aunts maybe. She's gone through so much and was the only nice one to my mom (no one likes her from my dad's side for some reason, I'm not even going to think about it.....it will just make me more mad and want to hire a hitman again).
 
#27
Oh yes! you are not alone!

My mothers side of the family (her brothers and sisters) live in Sweden and are horrible! She also has another sister in Dominica that is horrible. I dislike them all.

My recently deceased grandfather (whom I love) owns a bunch of land in Dominica where he had a house, and was going to build a hotel, until he became paralized. The sister, brothers and even his ex wife have been fighting over it for ever...and they all have been going behind his back, my mother was the uhmm.. you know, where she could speak for him, i forget then word, so they couldn't do anything without talking to her. IMO they are a bunch of greedy *******s. The sister in Dominica is a lawyer and has gone behind his back with the government there to try and get her choice of land for herself. Its just rediculous, and my mom doesn't even want any of that land for herself, she could care less, she just has to deal with these other idiots.

My mom has always tried to be diplomatic. So now they are fighting about what's to be put on his gravestone!!! I'm sorry but I feel like calling them up and screaming at them, give it up you freaks. She wants "loving father" etc. put on it, and Lise-Lotte will not agree to that, she wants just his name. She mom's trying to get everyone agree on something, and they are all bickering back and forth, so if they all want just his name, then she will do it, she's just sick of all of this. Anyways, they are children. I told her to pay for it herself and put what she wants on the headstone and then never talk to them again, they don't deserve anything at all.

Anyways, don't feel bad Intlset, as you can see everyone has family they hate and usually for good reason.
 
#28
hang in there IntlSet i know how u feel..... :sad2:

i have the same issues with my mother going to Korea.....i hate having her go without me because her sisters and brothers are all money grubbing, horrible horrible people who are just ignorant, thoughtless, and stupid, and she always comes back just incredibly upset......i've seriously never seen such a bunch of miserable, bitter, greedy people in my life and i'm just grateful they're many continents away......when my grandfather died they weren't sad....all they've been arguing about ever since is who gets more of his money, and trying to take the money that he left for my grandmother's upkeep (since she's unable to care for herself) away from her.....

plus my father's side of the family is all step-brothers and sisters who hate us because we're successful i guess, and i hate them for having treated my father like a servant while he was growing up and still mistreating him even though he worked his ass off to put them all through college

i'm sure you feel incredibly angry that there are people that make your father feel this way, especially his own family members.....i cope by doing my best to be there for my mother when she comes back from kroea.....just doing whatever i can to take her mind off everything she's just been through...i take her out with me and stuff.....i think it really helps to just be there so she can have someone to vent to
 
#29
No.

There are family members in my life who have put me through incredibly excruciating emotional abuse- of which the affects are still taking their toll.

Still, I can not dwell on my hatred of another human being- especially one who is related to me. I have every reason to despise this person- but I still pray that their soul can be healed. Hate only hurts the person who is doing the hating. It consumes you, and does not affect the other person. I spent too much time being self-destructive in the name of hating someone else, and I realized I'd never get better untill I learned to let it go.

I really hope that your father has a safe trip Intlset-:heart:33 You're a sweet girl to care about your father so much. :smile:
 
#30
I really can not stand my mom's family. They grew up poor and all became alcoholics and are jealous my mom has money. They act like she stole it or something. They were also really mean to my dad because he didn't grow up poor and they're jealous. They also seem to have a problem with me because they didn't go to college and I do. I rarely deal with them. We were recently invited to a communion and declined. They invite for a card, they're greedy, and then ignore us. I can honestly say I hate them, because they're so jealous and petty.
 
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