Happy Birthday to me...

  1. So yesterday was my 42nd bday, my husband had been out of the country and arrived that afternoon from London around 3-4 pm. I had taken my children to the mall a few days ago to secrectly "buy" me a present. He had given them some money to do this and I had given them their "chores" money. So they gave me my gifts they had selected from VS, perfume and some cute undies, and of course it just makes me ball when they are so kind. WELL they had gone into Hot Topic as well and bought themselves some things. One was a jar of very bright green eye makeup. My daughter, 14 yr old, is just in love with anything that makes her stand out. I didn't say much about it just that she should keep it toned down around her father.

    Well he called and was on his way home and suggested that we go to pho so, a vietnamise (sp) place that is a little hole in the wall. I didn't mind even tho it was my bday because he had let me keep my fringe as my gift. Well she wore that makeup and my husband is a very good husband and provider but is also extremely controlling. We have seperated because of problems with his issues. Lo and behold he's mad.. My daughter is asking "what's wrong dad??" Nothing nothing... Then he wants to take her in his car on the way home so he could ball her out. I said uhm no she will go with me and I'll talk to her about it. So I did but I think the point I am trying to make is does anyone else have this type of spouse or person in their life. He actually said last night as I got chewed out for "letting this happen" that she looked whorish.:wtf:

    She can't show any cleavage her skirts have to be a certain length etc etc. I go by all these rules and try to make sure everything is fine but sometimes I just let her get by with things. I did tell her (about the makeup) that she should blend it in that I didn't think he would like it but sometimes she doesn't listen and has to take the consequences. Like last night. Which unfortunately I think it happening more often that not nowdays.

    What can I do. I guess I just needed to get it off my chest. Like I said he is a good man but somehow I am dealing with so many things now that are his issues and I'm just not happy about it and I don't know what I can do. I mean girls do grow boobs. They do experiment with makeup all I can do is tell her how things should be done and hope she listens. Thanks guys for letting me write a life story here I think I needed it. :shame:
  2. happy belated birthday... :wlae:

    i am sorry you have to deal with these problems on your birthday no less.. i just think sometimes, "dads" can become a little overprotective over their daughters... they just don't want them to give off wrong impression...

    and you are right, kids like to experiement with things and that's how they learn and grow up... so it's ok, as long as you are there to guide them through that, and i think you are doing a good job at it! :yes:
  3. OK- I have a 16 year old who likes to push my buttons ALL THE TIME.What I have learned over the last few years is that the MORE YOU OVERREACT..THE MORE they keep doing it! Dont react to it..Let her wear whore makeup..she will learn the hard way when people comment on it and stare..SERIOUSLY....Its the only way they learn..This comes from years of experience with a VERY trying teenager..LOL Good luck and Happy Birthday..Tell your hubby to leave the mommy stuff to you too...PHH lets me deal..but does give me advice that I really listen too..He's very good at NOT overreacting..I- on the other hand.-.must learn patience..LOL..Its hard to parent..i swear!!!!
  4. Happy belated bday Chag...so sorry that you had to deal with those issues on YOUR day :sad: you sound like an awesome mom who understands that teenage girls need room to grow...your husband has never been through it so he really should keep his mouth shut about make up and clothes as long as she is not hurting anyone or herself!Again, happy belated :flowers:
  5. I'm afraid I'm just getting sick of dealing with this all the time. It's like there isn't a day that goes by that he isn't mad about something. I'm getting really tired and feel like telling him to shut the puck up. There isn't anything that is wrong with her. She is over weight but if I had a father that watched every single thing I put in my mouth I would stuff it full of the worst things I could find too. She works out but I feel that once she starts high school that her feelings about herself will change. All she says about him is she knows how much he hates her and I do my best to change how she feels but secretly I think she is right. He said some time ago that he thought he might need counseling on how to deal with her and I think I need to bring it up again for him to do that. I'm sick inside about all this and I don't think anything is going to change. I've been dealing with this for the last 20 years and I have been trying to teach her to deal with it but of course she is trying to be her own person and she crosses him every chance she gets. She just doesn't realize that it is me that has to deal with it in the end and it seems like that is all I ever do...

    We are leaving today for our cruise and I just can see what is going to happen with her, the food is just wonderful and I am going to have to watch things like a hawk so we don't make him "mad".. I hate this...
  6. Happy Belated Birthday !!! :heart:
  7. Sorry you had a less-than-stellar birthday. I try not to sweat the small stuff with kids if they're basically good kids all the way around. In the case of your daughter, I would just figure: What's a little green eye shadow? There are much worse things she could do. My son has gone through phases in the past such as baggy pants, etc., that I didn't really care for, but he's a good boy, so I know it's just a teen-expressing-themselves thing. My daughter is 12 and is just starting to wear a little makeup. Right now she's wearing an electric blue nail polish. Of course, I'm wearing my Chanel Black Satin nail polish:rochard: and my parents, who are visiting, asked if I was going goth. They were really teasing, but if you knew me, you'd know I couldn't be further from being goth. Fortunately, my husband and I see eye-to-eye on issues dealing with the kids. Hope you guys can work it out without too many fireworks. {{{Hugs}}}
  8. Chag ~~ It's a great thing that your husband is open to counseling. This would be the best thing he could do for the entire family. Don't feel like you have to be the one to fix everything. He is the one with the problem, and he needs help to work it out.
  9. Have you told your husband how your daughter thinks he feels about her? Maybe something like that might snap him into place.

    But it's a good sign that he is open to counseling. It shows that he knows he has a problem and is willing to try to change :smile:

    Happy birthday, and have a great time on your cruise!
  10. Happy Birthday Chag!

    Sorry you have to go all through this on your birthday. I think he's being protective (maybe overprotective?) but he has to let her grow up too you know. Has he seen how girls her age dress and use makeup? ((((hugs))))
  11. Happy Birthday!

    Dads can be very over protective. Luckily, my dad never was... instead I have an older brother that still calls to "check up on me" when I go out at night (I'm 19, he's 22). It it does get to an extreme, I'd bring back up the topic of counseling. If he was open to it once, hopefully that's still an option. It never hurts.
  12. Happy birthday, Chag!

    Sorry you had to go through all that. Just gently remind your husband that your child can do much, much worse things and that you're lucky she's as sweet as she is. :smile: The more you agree with her, the less she'll fight...right? :smile:
  13. Thanks ladies. Have a wonderful week and I'll speak at ya when I return
  14. Happy birthday and have a lovely time on the cruise.

    I think fathers and daughters often have a fraught relationship. Girls tend to idolise their fathers, at least I did and feel the urge to impress them constantly whilst fathers find it difficult letting go of their little angels.
    I'm confident it'll all work out and I wish you all the best.
  15. happy belated b-day Chag.