Future SIL behavoir - what do you new moms think?

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  1. So I'm not the mom, but my future sister in law is. I wanted to get some new mom input on how she's acting to see if I'm too sensitive. We saw her this past week w/her husband and new baby (6 months). First, last week her husband said that the baby needed to be "protected/guarded" from his mom, I guess because she wanted to play with the baby too much? Also, the baby couldn't be left alone w/grandma/grandpa b/c she might have "separation anixety" - um the kid is in day care 5 days a week! Then when we got there it was evident that they are uncomfortable with other people holding the baby. The whole time I was there they never offered to let me hold her and only offered for my fiance to hold her once! The only time they seemed interested in grandma's help was for when she needed to be changed.

    We bought them a pretty nice onesie from a boutique, it had little ruffles and a butterfly on the top and one on the baby's bottom - they NEVER thanked us or put the baby in the outfit, instead they commented on how inappropriate clothing w/out legs/sleeves was for their climate (so my outfit was inappropriate I guess, but it was good for the weather where we all were, so she could have worn it). My feelings were hurt and honestly they've been buying alot of second hand baby clothes from Goodwill, believe me this was a nice piece of baby clothing! So my fiance and I were thinking no future gifts until his niece is old enough to understand that they are from us, instead we want to open a savings account in her name so that she has a little cash for a car/college fund. What do you all think? *Btw. we have sent other gifts and didn't get a thank you either, my fiance had to ask to make sure they were received!

    Am I too sensitive? My friend let me hold her 3 month old and was super nice about my gifts. How would you deal w/this? Is the account a bad idea?
     
  2. The account is a nice idea...it's for your niece, not her parents. They sound very anal.
     
  3. The holding thing is weird IMO. I dont think you are being too sensitive.

    oh boy leemiller I soooo feel your pain!!! I think that opening the savings account for your future niece is a good idea. I do think however that you should be the custodian of the account. I had a very almost identical situation to yours. My future SIL had a baby before my DF and I were engaged, I gave the baby a gift at birth, then a tiffanys rattle for the baptism and didnt even get a verbal thank you. I was soooo pissed off, forget about a written note, a verbal one would do. Unfortunately, it is not the babies fault that they have class-less parents. I don't even know if the check's for birthday or anything really went to the baby kwim??? At least if you are the custodian of the account you can make sure that the gifts you are giving for the baby go to the baby.
     
  4. Baby in daycare 5 days a week and they worry about separation anxiety at the weekends- LMAO!
     
  5. The account is a brilliant idea.

    I don't know what's going on with them not allowing other people in the family to hold the baby, but I do know that I don't automatically assume any of our guests (friends and family) want to hold my twins. I assume they don't unless they ask if they can hold my son or daughter. I don't have any problem handing the kids over to someone I'm close to; I just don't assume that's what they want.

    I do completely understand not putting the kid in a new outfit right away. I don't do either, to be honest. I say thank you, it's lovely, how nice of you to think about bringing us a gift, etc but I wash the clothes before putting them on the babies. I don't know how many times that particular garment was touched by people at the store, how many of those people were sick and contagious or how many times the onesie fell on the floor before being sold. So, as a rule, I always wash brand new onesies or outfits before putting them on my babies, however, I do my very best to have the kids wearing the gifts on subsequent occasions when I know we're going to be seeing the people who gave us the clothes.
     
  6. ^^
    That's a good point about washing the clothing, but she did make a comment about how useless a sleeveless onesie is where they are from b/c of the weather. And they never thanked us. Its a little hard for me to think that they are so meticulous about washing a new item w/tags from a store though when they buy most things from Goodwill, not knocking anyone who does that.

    I didn't really feel comfortable asking to hold the baby. Its hard to explain completely, but they just give off this vibe in addition to several comments they made. For example when asked if they received items from grandma, they were like 'yeah, we returned X and exchanged X....'
     
  7. heat97, actually I wanted to get something from Tiffany's but we had to travel at the last minute! I'm thrilled that I didn't. Then again we really want to still do something nice for his niece, so the account idea.
     
  8. Wow. They overreacting big time.

    That is very sweet of you to set her up with an account. I would look at starting up a 529 college fund for her. Some of them you would only (or others, like her parents) have to put in $15 per month. An added plus is that if you set it up it won't effect other finical aide if she needs. If her parents set it up it would effect any other aide she would need.
     
  9. That is out of line. Unless they live in an igloo somewhere, they'll be able to use any onesie (short or long-sleeved). All the books I read that had chapters on dressing a baby appropriately for cold weather suggest layering pieces, so that you can take off/add on clothes as needed, so I fail to see how any onesie that fits would be useless.

    And then, there is always summer. Like right now, for instance!

    And even if --just for the sake of the argument--this was the one useless onesie ever invented and you just happened to bring it for their daughter, they still should have thanked you for thinking about bringing a gift and should have made an effort you dress the kid creatively (i.e. to include the onesie) next time they saw you.

    If this is the kind of boorish behavior they'll insist on modeling for their daughter to imitate, you'll have a brat running around in no time at all!
     
  10. Thanks everyone! I really appreciate the input.
     
  11. Why, onesies are the most useful piece in an infant's wardrobe! I had my kids in onesies well into toddlerhood, because it keeps their diaper in place; just wait till your SIL's baby is crawling all over the place and taking her diaper off and flinging poop all over the place. :sneaky:

    Nothing is ever so carefully orchestrated with children. Sooner or later, they can't keep life so fine tuned because life with children is gloriously unpredictable.

    Sounds like she could be very insecure or simply in the throes of parent ego-mania. I have a similar situation with my SIL and just don't bother anymore. She refuses to allow others to make suggestions for feeding but she'll turn around and leave foods in front of my very allergic ds to get into. She has my bro giving canned, almost defensive answers every time I ask about my nieces, and I don't know what to think either. MY SIL is not one for thank you notes either, and I always get a haughty vibe that she's a better mother than I could ever be. There's more but my blood is boiling.
     
  12. lee---- can i ask where they live????? i mean i just dont get it..... i dont have children but i have watched my cousins children who are 21 months and 3 months and at some point in the day they are in onesies.....

    oh and about the tiffany's thing, I don't think they even knew what to do with it....... ugh like above.... my blood is boiling.... it's such an uncomfortable position to be in.... just curious, what does your df say about it??? mine just sort of shrugs his shoulders and accepts that unfortunately his brother and SIL are just rude weirdos...
     
  13. ok just wanted to chime in again about the inappropriateness of the outfit because its really aggravating me-- i mean its not like you got the kid boobie tassles and a thong..... they should be appreciative
     
  14. Your bro and SIL are the weird people. Not thanking you is one thing, commenting on how inappropriate it is is something a normal sane person never discusses with the giver unless it's a life-death scenario. I can understand how some parents are over protective over their first baby but their behavior has double standards and is totally uncalled for. If I were you I'd voice my concern in front of all involved how they can leave their youngling at childcare and yet have issues with the baby's grandparents. Sure it may severe some ties for a while but at least it will make them think twice before acting stupid in future.
     
  15. I think they/she is overreacting too. . .
    but for first time parents this actually sounds relatively common.

    I remember when my sis had her 1st baby, I came and stayed w/ her for 2 weeks. She made me swar on my life that if she napped, showered, etc. . . I wouldn't allow anyone but myself to hold him! LOL!
    I just said OK becasue new Moms are hormonal and often irrational.

    I know a lot of moms that aren't new anymore are bizarrely obsessive about clothing/sleepers, etc. . . TOTALLY overheat the kids.

    DO NOT take it personally, it's not about you. . . hopefully they learn to relax a little soon.