Friend issue..need advice

J

Jewelqueen

Member
Jan 3, 2007
477
3
#1
Hi Ladies,

I never come over to this side but I need to talk about a friend of mine and I can't ask anyone else because I would be betraying my friend.

My friend has become very, very negative. She complains about everything under the sun and talks negatively about other people.

I have always know this about her but have been her friend anyway because I think deep down she is a nice person. Funny thing is...she thinks she is a positive person but she is snappish and rude to people all the time.

I talk to her everyday and lately she is very rude to me. She is also rude to other people so I know it is not just me.

Today she really bit my head off over a simple question and frankly I'm just sick of it.

I don't know if I should talk to her, email her or just not call her or answer her calls for awhile.

Any advice will be greatly appreciated. THANKS.
 
#2
Honestly, I would probably just avoid her calls, though not be obvious about it. Just try to subtly extract yourself from interactions with her. It seems unlikely that confronting her is going to help her, it will probably just make her angry and she might end up complaining about you to your mutual friends.
 
#4
She sounds like a toxic person. I would just avoid contact and over time the friendship will die. Its the easy way to handle it. Sometimes we outgrow our friends like we would a pair of jeans. Maybe they dont fit or are not in style...either way sounds like you need a new pair of "jeans".
 
#5
She's BECOME negative? She wasn't this way before?
She might be depressed.
Can you voice your concern to her? Negativity can become such a deep hole it can be hard to see your way out of it.
I think its a shame when woman don't try to talk these things out before dumping someone as a friend. But I'm older so I'm going to look at these situations differently.
 
#6
The point is..when we became friends she wasn't like this. She HAS become more and more negative.

I don't desperately need HER friendship. Frankly I have quite a large circle of wonderful friends.

I guess I just don't want to "throw away" a friend but I will if I can't get this resolved because her attitude is bordering on "toxic".
 
#7
If you have a large circle of friends...then letting go of a negative person who isn't very nice to you isn't really a big deal...Obviously she isn't making the effort to be considerate to you and you shouldn't either.
 
#8
I would stay away for awhile and if she asks why you haven't been in contact be up front and honest. Do you think she needs counseling or something? You're probably not the only person who feels this way around her. I would suggest this if you think she might be receptive to this when she asks you why you've been distant. What happens after that is her step and out of your control.
 
#9
I would not suggest ignoring her. In my past experiences I've also had friends who get snappish - they don't actually realize their impact on you (insensitivity). I had a friend who made remarks about me that were hurtful but to her she was just joking around. As I am not a confrontational person I just ignored her when I got sick of it. She was upset and didn't know why and our friendship ended. However, years later, we did meet again at a party and I'm a bit sad we're not friends any more because we actually have heaps of fun together.

If you want to keep the frienship tell her you don't like her behaviour towards you and then both of you can comprimise. If every friend I've snapped at left me I'd be friendless by now. I'd rather have a good argument where all the issues come up and have a chance to maintain the friendship than just run at the first sign of trouble.
 
#10
She could be a toxic person, depressed, jealous or just unhappy with her life. I would probably try to talk to her and call her on her actions. If she is still rude to you I would just stay away and let her chill. Some people seem to suck the life out of you and it is too draining to deal with them.
 
#11
Do you think there is an underlying reason for her behaviour or do you think this is just her?
I wouldnt ignore her, but I would distance myself from her for a while, to figure out what you are going to do. I def think being confrontational about it is NOT the way to go. But if she does say something hurtful be clear that it has hurt your feelings, she will get the picture, you could maybe even make subtle comments about "being negative" to see how she responds? Good luck, but please dont remain friends with someone who is being hurtful towards you, because its not worth it. :smile:
 
#12
Thanks everyone for your advise. I think I will keep my distance for the next week. That will be easy enough because I'm going out of town for a long weekend.

I'll wait until she asks where I have been and then I will tell her how I feel.

If that doesn't work....I'm going to be done!!!
 
#13
I don't think she is depressed I think I know what the reasons are....

She has gained weight and can't take it off. She won't do the work to make it happen....her words-not mine.

She also watches the news..ALL.THE.TIME...thinks the world is coming to an end in the next three weeks because Bush and the **********s...blah, blah, blah.
 
#14
I have just been through something exactly like this. I won't say I did the right thing, but it has suited me. I just stopped returning/taking her calls. Every time she wanted to come over (her at-home situation isn't very pretty, so she wanted to be at my place ALL the time), I'd make up an excuse. One where she couldn't tag along (and boy, did she try!). Eventually, she found someone else to pester. We haven't completely stopped talking to each other but it's definitely not the same anymore, thank goodness.

She wasn't only overly negative about EVERYTHING and EVERYONE. She'd snap at me and say mean things, be a total hypocrite to other people, be rude, make up unbelievable stories about her bossing her parents around, and just a whole lot of crap. I'm not the least bit sorry that I mostly stopped being her friend. As others have put it, negativity can rub off on you. And you don't want to become what you're trying to get rid of... it's just not healthy and honestly, I can't bear with both her problems and mine.
 
#15
A good way to put it might be to make it seem like you are concerned about her.

You could say, "Is everything okay? I noticed lately you don't seem like your self."

If she denies it, then just say, "I really hope I haven't done something to upset you because I feel like you are acting a little differently toward me. I just want to make sure everything is okay."

Then see what she says and take it from there. I know you need her friendship, but what good is a friendship if she is negative and rude to you? Hope it goes well and I am sorry to hear about your friend!
 
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