Five year old in potty training regression HELP

  1. i'm in tears! my five year old son went to a montessori school this past year and will be entering K this fall. i worked with him for a year before montessori getting him potty trained, and he didn't become fully so until 2 days before school started. after that, he did both #1 and #2 fine, always telling me when he had to go. he had no issues.

    now that the summer is here, he's all of a sudden regressing to doing #2 in his underpants. in the beginning it was once a week. and this past week, it's been once a day. and TODAY he went twice in his underpants.

    i don't understand what happened to him; he was the one i least worried about. my daughter is just learning to pee in the toilet and she's watching me getting frustrated with my son. i ask him again and again if he wants to be a baby or a big boy. b/c of this week, i actually had to put a diaper on him, b/c i can't clean another gross underwear.

    i really don't know what's going on, and i'm in tears b/c i don't know how to help him. the scolding, the threats, even the logical conversation we have a few hours after the accident, has not prevented him from stopping. and he cries when he poops in his pants, so i know he's not enjoying this.

    has anyone else gone through this?
  2. {{{{hugs to you}}}}
    I am so sorry you are going through this! It must be so frustrating for both of you! I don't have any advice for you, but I hope someone here does!
  3. I have a friend who has a son in kindergarden and he has started going in his pants this past summer. He is smart enough to take off his underwear and tries to hide it but the smell on him gives him away. She yells, screams and he just laughs at her. Maybe it is not having a routine or just wanting attention???? I wish I could offer you some help. Maybe do a potty chart where he gets a star each time he uses the potty and at the end of the week he gets 2-3 toys from the dollar store? I have also used with my son when he was little these paper things you put in the toilet and he had to aim at them to pee. He thought that was fun. My friend did that with cheerios cereal. I am sure there are mothers with young children that may offer something that can help.
    Good luck.
    I just wanted to add another thing, I have a friend whose daughter has a stomach problem where it hurts her to go to the bathroom--she is on a laxative medication for this. But she used to literally cry to sit on the toilet because she just knew it would hurt. Maybe make sure your son does not have a rash and put some diaper cream on him. Also is he having any problems with food? A food allergy can also cause problems.
  4. Your son is probably going through an adjustment period. Routine is vital to a child and when that routine gets broken (for any reason) it throws the child off. I am experiencing the same w/ behavior issues in my son since I am home and he is NOT at daycare.

    Try the potty chart and positive reinforcement like gillianna stated. This too will pass, he will bounce back but, he still may have a hard time when school resumes. As it will be another change. As he gets older it should lessen.

    Keep us posted and good luck!
  5. i'm starting to think it's the routine thing as well, b/c while he was at school, we had established a schedule. now that it's summer, it's more relaxed so maybe that's affecting him. my mom is saying the same thing. i'm hoping it's just that and nothing more. i couldn't sleep well at night b/c i'm constantly thinking if i did something to scare him or feel unloved, but he being the oldest child and firstborn of two firstborns (me and his dad), he get's plenty of love.

    as i'm typing, he's sitting on the toilet after i asked him to try. crossing my fingers.

    thank you for your hugs. i really needed them.
  6. ((hugs))

    My son started 'having accidents' a while after he'd been potty trained - like a YEAR after - when he was almost 4. I was worried, the same as you. Probably the schedule adjustment as everyone else said. Sometimes they are hypervigilant in preschool and daycare but when home they sort of relax and don't pay attention to their bodily urges in time.
  7. I don't know of the whole situation, but it may have something to do with your daughter in the process of being pottytrained. He may be regressing because he wants the attention that she's getting in that department. Like I said, I don't know the children's personalities and such, but I majored in early child development and learned of things behaviors similar to this. Just an idea?
  8. I was thinking that might be it as well?
  9. Has there been any other change? New baby, new move, new something?

    I also agree that it could be that his little sister is being potty trained. She is getting the attention and accolades of using the potty- he may be looking for some attention. That on top of not being in school could really have him out of the loop.

    HUGS!! Hang in there!!
  10. i know this must be frustrating but why don't you try to train them both? like get him to show her? asking him if he wants to be a baby or big boy may be a bit harsh on him, maybe he needs to adjust to some changes? I would involve him as well, that way he doesn't feel so left out. he can show that he is a big boy and get the attention as well!

    what is the age difference between your children? oh, and don't be in tears - we may get used to what our children can do but they are still just children and such changes back and forth can happen. I am sure he still knows what he learned but may go through a development phase. hugs your way!

    wanted to add: putting a diaper on him may actually achieve the opposite of what you want. he may get comfy again? rather get him to clean the underwear with you - in a 'safe', NOT punishment way. a friend of mine did that when her child would continue to wet his bed at night, at the age of 5 I think. he would have to help change the linens in the middle of the night to realise that he had to learn pay attention to his urges. they also started to wake him up so there were less chance of an accident. I am sure you went through a lot of this when training with him but can't hurt to go back, right?
  11. That's a GREAT idea. Teachers very regularly employ this 'be a leader' approach when they see a child doing something negative.
  12. I think the idea of having him train his little sister is great. Maybe make some type of teacher chart and tell him that he is the teacher and has to be the boss because he is just so smart and knows what to do. I think he might get a kick out of that. Maybe get a few potty books for kids????
  13. I had a HARD time potty training my youngest daughter. In my case it was due to trauma related to constipation. She apparently had a painful experience and was then afraid to go... she would hold it and hold it until she would get herself so bound up it really hurt to go...eventually she would go bits at a time in her pants. We could never catch her in time...I was very frustrated until I found out what the problem was.

    Maybe there is something else going on with him.

    If everything seems fine (I mean like it is clear it isn't a constipation issue) then I would have to agree that letting him be the teacher with your younger child is a great idea. It will give him a sense of independence maybe.

    But I would try and rule out something else, like the constipation issue...

    Good luck and don't feel alone... Hang in there...

    I found this link to a discussion board of sorts... hope it helps...
  14. I would check at his school and make sure none of his friends are doing it. My five year old was fully potty trained at 3, except for the few times a year (including 2 weeks ago!) when he'd see his friends have "accidents" at school, and sure enough, we'd go through it too. It is EXTREMELY frustrating. At least my son's old enough now where the episodes last only a day or two now instead of for a week or two. My sympathies are with you! Know you are not alone!
  15. I had a friend that went through this, and everyone they took him to told them that it was a control issue that often arises in preschool children.Maybe getting some input from some child development specialist might help. They have him on a program now, and he's doing much better.