Feeling Lost... Confused, Need Relationship Advice

handbaglover1

handbaglover1

Member
Mar 22, 2006
84
0
#1
Hi Everyone,
I am going through a very difficult situation with my boyfriend. I need to make a final decision which will involve breaking up with him. We have been dating for over 2 years, and throughout that period of time he has been immature (he's 26) dependent (on his parents/family), and Irresponsible (needs to get his life together, pay off debt, finish school etc) I have remained patient and motivating even though I knew he was not what I wanted. He fell in love with me fast and things became serious. It has been 2 years and I feel the same, he is still doing immature things. Ex, sends me a text msg to tell me that his co-worker asked him to check out a hot girl at work. forgive me, but you keep that sh*t to yourself or share it with your boys, you do not share it with your g/f or she will think it's what you do all day at work. I was in a 4 yr relationship/engaged with a much older guy and shortly after (as in 2 weeks) that ended I met the current guy and although I did not want a relationship - things sort of just happened and I went with the flow... Now I feel as if I diddnt give myself enough time to heal and did not get used to being single/alone so it's going to really hurt making this final decision to be single and take sometime for myself and to not settle for anything other than what I truly want... am I being a fool? what is your advice? :confused1:
 
#2
Sounds like you've given yourself good advice..If he isn't someone you want to be with then by all means break up with him.. Life's too short to settle for anything less :yes:
 
#4
I know, and I feel like ending the relationship is the best thing but at this point in my life is so incredibly hard to do. I am in a position where I may also lose my job and need to find another job soon, and it's making me feel like I will be so alone and not sure how I will be able to overcome all of the changes without having someone there... and i think we care enough about each other to remain friends but that usually never works, i tried it with my last relationship and it ended up hurting more because he couldnt take it when i met someone new and tried to sabotage the relationship... :s I just dont know ....
 
#5
Why would you want to be with someone who treats you that way? Every minute you spend thinking about him is a minute less that you will be with a wonderful man.

I think it is very important for anyone, male or female, to take time after a break up to develop a strong sense of self, rather than rush headlong into another relationship for fear of being alone. What, exactly, is so terrible about being single for a while? If self-esteem is completely dependent on having someone else in your life, the chances of building a healthy relationship with another person are pretty slim.

I spent a few years alone after a big breakup, I dated a little, but mostly I concentrated on myself and what I liked to do, and when I least expected it, met the man who is now my husband. I don't NEED him to be happy, but I WANT him. There is a major difference.

And you do have someone there to help you when times are tough -- you have yourself. I don't believe that this person whom you describe as immature is going to be of much help to you anyway. Friends, family and your own inner strength are a lot more reliable sources of support.
 
#8
pacific said:
Why would you want to be with someone who treats you that way? Every minute you spend thinking about him is a minute less that you will be with a wonderful man.

I think it is very important for anyone, male or female, to take time after a break up to develop a strong sense of self, rather than rush headlong into another relationship for fear of being alone. What, exactly, is so terrible about being single for a while? If self-esteem is completely dependent on having someone else in your life, the chances of building a healthy relationship with another person are pretty slim.

I spent a few years alone after a big breakup, I dated a little, but mostly I concentrated on myself and what I liked to do, and when I least expected it, met the man who is now my husband. I don't NEED him to be happy, but I WANT him. There is a major difference.

And you do have someone there to help you when times are tough -- you have yourself. I don't believe that this person whom you describe as immature is going to be of much help to you anyway. Friends, family and your own inner strength are a lot more reliable sources of support.
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You are so right, and the truth is that I do know what I need to do and my heart tells me to end it, but the pain it will cause is what I am dreading... and I think I am holding on for as long as possible so that I wont have to experience the break up/loneliness...
 
#10
I do need to take the time and concentrate on myself, heal myself and date here and there but nothing serious until I am ready and the right person comes along, for now I have school and other things I should be taking care of... thanks so much everyone... your thoughts and comments are helping a lot
 
#13
Tylisa said:
If you aren't happy then you need to move on, do you have any friends you can lean on so you won't feel alone?
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I have a couple of close friends and my roomate who is also been giving me advice because of her past experiences... i should be ok! I just need to take a couple of weeks w/o talking with him... so i can regain my emotional strength and end things when I am feeling confident and secure of my decision :sad:
 
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