Fed up with his Sexual Comments---H.R. professionals your opinion is welcome!


Aug 26, 2006
Hi everyone. I just want to vent a little here about a situation that's been happening at work.

First let me say that I love my job and everything about it EXCEPT this man I have been placed next to. I have been at my job for a while, but about 5 weeks ago there was a seating change, and now I am sitting next to a man who is 30 (I'm 33).

This person that we will call "Steven" has been making inappropriate sexual comments nearly every day now, since about 3 days after the new seat change. He is homosexual and I have NOTHING against that as my uncle and one of my very dear friends are also homosexual, so that's not my problem. I am not a prude and I am a very down to earth person (not a goody goody) so I really don't feel I'm out of line.

In the last 5 weeks I have heard comments like, "Wow, that guys got a hot ass! I'd do him!" and "I have to go to the dentist today because my tongue ring did so much damage to my teeth. I thought about putting it back in b/c my boyfriend loves it" or "Wow, I'd love to bring him home and say to my boyfriend "look what the cat dragged in!" or discussions about the Debbie Loves Dallas brochure from a musical he went to, where the photo on the front was a half naked woman with pom-poms barely covering her you know what's....he was walking up and down the row of desks showing people the pamphlet and saying "it was just like porno but she pretends to get f----d."

I said something to him about 2 weeks ago (although maybe I wasn't firm enough and explicit enough) and now today I had it with him explaining that got "excited" when he got to practice massaging his instructor at massage school. So I told him I had had it, he is inappropriate and imature, that he may think he's funny but when he walks away people talk and he better watch it. He was an @$$ about it, so I went straight to the supervisor and reported what happened and that I finally said something to Steven about this.

I feel I did the right thing. I should have to listen to 4 or 5 comments like that every day of the work week. But for some reason I feel strange and kind of bad about it because I am not used to reporting people. I just kind of put up with things, but I just couldn't take it anymore!


BV ~ Ferragamo ~ TODs
Aug 17, 2007
In the Forest
I am not in HR, but just make sure you document everything after it happens. If your boss does not do something to stop it, than confront your boss and ask him what he plans to do about the situation, and give him one more chance to do something. If it keeps happening, go to HR.


I run with scissors
Apr 22, 2006
Long and Low Farms
You did the right thing. Like the above poster said, start to document everything. Then, in about 2-3 weeks if nothing has changed, go back to HR with your documentation, and demand to be seated by someone else. Even though he is gay this would still fall under sexual harassment as you are not comfortable with his remarks which for the most part are sexual. Good luck
Feb 11, 2006
San Francisco
Why don't you just tell him you really don't think this is the right place to be talking about that stuff? Some people are just crass but I don't think he was trying to hurt you. He's just not very good with office conversation and I'm guessing nobody has ever told brought that to his attention. If you mention it, he'll probably get the message and stop. You'd be doing yourself and everyone around you a big favor.

la miss

May 4, 2007
Ugh! I've been in this situation before and I hate to say it but mob rule won. I was the only one offended; everyone else thought it was funny/cute. I was seen as a prude, oversensitive etc.... I ended up wearing earphones a lot and eventually left that job. I believe he was allowed to run rampant because he was gay and somehow "exempt" from the harrassment policy. Had he been straight, I'm sure people would have been all over him about his filthy potty mouth! Where in the handbook does it say that being gay gives you carte blanche to be a pig???


Nov 22, 2006
I'm in HR but not in Employee Relations. We just had our once a year training on Sexual Harassment in the workplace just last week. At this point, I would not confront him (again), just report him to Human Resouces IMMEDIATELY! The Employee Relations area will then start an investigation.

It is inappropriate of your co-worker to be making those type of comments in the work environment whether they are directed at you or not. Please do not wait any longer. Document what you've heard so far, but report it now so HR can begin the investigation immediately. Have you mentioned it all to your supervisor? Management has to report incidents like this to HR. If you haven't told your supervisor yet, then let him/her know immediately and HR.

Please do not wait to report this inappropriate behavior.

Please let us know what happens.


Oh no she di-int!!
Jun 1, 2006
I'm no HR professional but that's a recipe for Hostile Environment, my friends.

Sexual orientation has nothing to do with it...he can't "get away" with that crap.

I had this happen to me about 10 years ago when I was supervising a helpdesk team. A good portion of the team happened to be gay men, and they started doing just what you talked about with Steven in your posts....swapping stories, drooling over pics of guys, talking about their dates, etc. Obviously, this offended quite a few people in the cube farm. But my office was a short walk from the cube farm, so the minute I would walk through there, guess what it stopped. So it was hard to 'catch' in the act.

That's why documentation is so important as posted earlier. I used the documentation I received to go to HR so we could call a special team meeting and get everyone educated on this issue and put it to rest.

I wish you the best with your situation, Daniela. Please let us know what happens!


Aug 26, 2006
Thanks for all your replies everyone!
I got an email from my supervisor (I had the day off and so does he but he must have checked his email) saying that he has to report this to H.R. on Monday.
The more I think about this, I feel I did the right thing. I explained to the supervisor that my only intention is to resolve this for myself, get a new seat or be placed in a different team or department, and that I don't wish any harm to "Steven." I explained that I asked Steven once before to stop and it kept going on. My sup seems supportive of this so we'll see what happens.
I'm a little worried it will be like you said, La Miss....that mob rule will win. I have heard at least 8 or 9 other people comment at how inappropriate and irritating "Steven" is, but sometimes when push comes to shove, the other won't stand and be honest when H.R. is around.
We'll see what happens.


I Want That Bag
Aug 5, 2006
Minneapolis, MN
You did the right thing. Like Pursegrrl said, if you are in a situation at work that makes you feel uncomfortable, that creates a hostile work environment. There are times and places to make those comments, and a professional setting is not one of them. I can't imagine an HR department that wouldn't agree with you. Good luck!


Jun 1, 2007
^ITA. You definitely did the right thing.

I'm in a sort of similar predicament at my work place. I'm a server, and one of the line cooks frequently makes comments at me. It started off with him always saying "ey bay bay" (like the song) whenever I walked into the kitchen when NO OTHER females were around, so I know it was at me. He would also whistle at me when I walk into the kitchen. Eventually it got to the point where he asked me out and I firmly said no. He continues to check me out very blatantly, and when I change into my normal clothes after work he sometimes makes it a point to find me so he can see what I'm wearing. It makes me very very uncomfortable. I complained to my boss about it once, but if it gets any worse I'm going to really have to complain to one of the higher supervisors... I hate dealing with it since I do love my job and I love the rest of my co-workers.


Sucks at budgeting
Jan 5, 2007
Jacksonville, Fl
Ok, I'll be the a$$. Honestly, I don't see the big deal, and it has nothing to do with his sexual orientation, but I'm a rather laid back guy who doesn't get offended easily. What about his comments really offend you i he's not directing them towards you? I mean, he's not saying YOU have a cute butt, or what he wants to do with it. And yes, I am aware that just cause the comments aren't directed to you, doesn't mean it's not harrassment.

Just curious..do you and your friends ever say a guy walking by has a cute butt?

As far as procedure, I think you did the right thing. I'm a firm believer in talking to the initiator first. How are people to know they're offending you unless you tell them? So good job on that. You've done your part...now, it's up to HR


Apr 30, 2006
Well, you are not alone Charles, i felt the same way as you. So, we can be a**es together.

but, if it is bothering, going to your supervisor is the right thing to do.


Aug 26, 2006
Hi, Charles and Nishi621....

I know what you are saying and understand your point 100%.

I have two reponses to that. Number one, it's kind of like Pursegrrl explained. I am also in a help-desk environment and I can't get up and walk away from this guy, as I am often on the phone or working from the computer. It's not that any one or two or even three of his comments offend me. I just don't like hearing about how he, his boyfriend and a third party named Felipe performed the "back-twistin rhino," some sort of sexual positions I'm not aware of, or how he "loves it" when his boyfriend gives him a golden shower. I'm not a prude and I'm aware these things exist, and that's fine. But would you want to listen to that all day long, 5 days a week? Trust me, it gets old.

Secondly, I did not mention it in my first post, but on two separate occassions, "Steven" who is in massage school at night has taken it upon himself to sneak quietly up behind me and try to massage me, one time putting his fingers uderneath the back part of my hair causing me to nearly jump out of my seat. I didn't need to take care of that as my sup witnessed him doing this and pulled him in the office for it. He also did this to another female co-worker about a week later.

It's not about whether the comments are directed towards me, or if I'm offended. I just dont' want to listen to juvenille B.S. from a grown man that acts like a 14 year old. I work for a very professional and well known Fortune 500 company, and even if I didn't , it's still just not appropriate.


Jun 12, 2007
^^ :roflmfao: Sorry, but that just cracked me up.

It's apparent that this guy has absolutely no idea what's private and what's open for discussion with others that you aren't fairly close too.