from http://www.jackbauerfacts.com/index.php?top25 and http://www.notrly.com/jackbauer/index.php?topthirty there's also a good list at on the first post here...http://www.texasmagicleague.com/forums/showthread.php?t=1700 i someone asked for these in the chuck norris thread. i tried breaking it up so it wasn't as long, but it's still long. also i just copied and pasted...i tried to clean up the language, but probably missed some...i apologize if it offends anyone. enjoy! Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away. Jesus died and rose from the dead in 3 days. It took Jack Bauer less than an hour. And he's done it twice. Everytime jack bauer smiles, a terrorist loses his balls Jack Bauer wrote the Bible. That's why its so violent. Jack Bauer could get off the Lost island in 24 hours. Jack and Jill went up the hill. Only Jack came down. Jill was a f*ing terrorist. If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice. Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys. 1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight. The only reason you're conscious right now is because Jack Bauer doesn't want to carry you. Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.