Etiquette Question: Who is right

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  1. I am writing this because my DH made me. This is what he has to say and he wants a verdict from the ladies here.

    This is la miss' DH talking:

    A very close friend of mine decided to acknowledge our wedding of a few years ago and suddenly out of the blue sent three gifts in rapid succession one day after the other for use in baking including a baking stone. He is a baker. He knew that my wife was interested in learning to bake bread. The last item arrived two days ago (Wednesday). Today is Friday at 9 PM. I believe my wife should call to acknowledge that the gifts arrived by phoning him. My wife says that protocol allows two weeks for a written note to acknowledge a gift. I think her protocol views are outdated and I feel my friend is being snubbed. Who's right?
     
  2. I think it's best to call right away to show your excitement about the gift. That will show enthusiasm and gratitude. Be sure to send a hand-written note asap, too. Rules about having up to two weeks are silly to me. The sooner the better shows appreciation more, especially because we now live in an age with email, cell phones, and instant messages where communication is very rapid.
     
  3. I believe wedding gifts should be acknowledged with a personal note, not a phone call.

    Two weeks' time for a wedding gift is amazing. Most etiquette books allow a much longer time frame to send a thank you note.
     
  4. Agreed.

    Thank you notes are the standard protocol for a wedding gift. While it may seem antiquated, it's still what is used today.
     

  5. But their wedding was several years ago. This is an unusual circumstance where the gift was sent just recently. For a typical wedding, I'd say definitely more time to send just thank you notes, but this is just a gift out of the blue.


    While I think there is nothing wrong with protocol, I just think it's a nice little extra thing someone can do to make a phone call. It only takes a few minutes. It's not required, of course, but I just think it's the nicer thing to do. But that's just what I would do. The person is free to do what she wants. I don't think it's a snub, but it's just "standard."
     
  6. call now and then write an appropriate thank-you note in the next few days.
     
  7. It's still a wedding gift, though. The timing is certainly odd, but the reason behind the gift is the same.

    I would send the card right away, though.
     
  8. You could always call and then send a hand-written note as well. The thing about thank you notes is that, even if you thank the giver in person, you're usually still expected to send a thank you note. So a phone call could be considered very similar to that (kind of "in person")?

    I mean, I received a wedding gift from someone and opened it while they were still (at the gift opening the day after the wedding). I hugged them and thanked them profusely in person, but they still get a card.

    Think about it this way... at my bridal shower, almost every person that gave me a gift was present at the time I opened them. I thanked them right then and there, on the spot. But I was still expected to write them thank you notes later.
     
  9. Were it me, I would call only because it would make my DH feel better which for me would be more important that etiquette. I have learned to pick my battles in marriage carefully.

    Call the guy, gush like mad for 2 minutes, and it will all be over, your DH will feel good, you will feel good. Then, back to bags.

    To clarify, the posters who are telling you what is proper according to etiquette are correct. I am taking another approach which is intended to not allow this to escalate into a fight between you and DH.
     
  10. #10 Feb 5, 2010
    Last edited: Feb 5, 2010

    Hmm...it was a very close friend...but he acknowledged your wedding years later?? I think writing a thank you note within a couple weeks is certainly appropriate.

    I agree with lori...
     
  11. ^ Yeah, I was wondering what the reason for that was myself... why he waited so long to acknowledge the wedding if they're such good friends?
     
  12. i guess time is not the issue here.

    since no one else is sending gifts at THIS time- a phone call is easy (imo) and if not for you- then a thank you card in two weeks is gracious and proper.
     
  13. lol, I like this answer. Maybe it's because most of the annoyances over the thank you notes from my shower and wedding came from my mother? So I didn't have the thank you note battle with my husband.
     
  14. I agree to call now and send a handwritten note in the next week or 2.
     
  15. it was your dh's wedding too, and his present too...so why doesnt your dh call to thank?