Do you vent?

Jun 25, 2008
19,957
9
...and if you do, does it help?

This question might be a bit strange, but I'm honestly interested in knowing how venting helps others. I very rarely vent, and looking back to the last time I vented (at least the one I can recall, which was months ago), it, again, didn't help solve anything. :Push:


I used to vent but later stopped when I realized it was not only useless (for me) but also unhealthy (again, for me) as it resulted in me dwelling on negative crap, rehashing older crap, talking about it, "feeling" about it, but not doing much about it.


Yet many people vent, which seems to indicate that somehow venting helps them cope with and/or solve their problems. Hence my question:

  • Does venting help you? How?
  • Is it the "release" of emotion that helps?
  • Or is it the validation and/or support you get?
  • Is it the advice people give you?
  • Do you think venting = complaining or is it reaching out to others?
 

hiyall

Member
Jan 29, 2009
239
0
  • Does venting help you? How?
Such good questions! Ya know, if you would have asked me this question, say, 20+ years ago...I would have answered you with a definitive YES! But now, my answer is without a doubt...NO! 20+ years ago, "I THOUGHT and REALLY BELIEVED" that venting helped me because it allowed me to show my assssk-me-no-more-questions and gave me the excuse to go off on someone or because of something that was bugging me. I used "venting" as an excuse to "pet" my anger, impatience, hostility, vengence, self-centeredness and ugly old wrath. My "going off" a.k.a venting on someone about someone or something helped me to feel good about myself whilst making someone else feel like a piece of
trash--or else at least gossipping about someone and talking about them like they were trash.

That was 20+ years ago.

Living life has/IS teaching--has taught me that kindness, patience and LOVE beats the bajujus out of anger and bitterness and vengence. Actions speak much louder than words and back then, 99.999% of my so-called "venting" were mere words and no action--useless really to me in the long run and short term. I've learned and AM still learning that I don't always have to be on the defensive and to put myself in someone's shoes (the persons I'm venting about) and "try" to see things from another point of view--even their perspective and then make the CHOICE of handling the situation, quite frankly, handling the situation "in the Spirit" so to speak, instead of the more "natural" way of handling stuff. I've learned that instead of "venting" to maturely handle my business so to speak, meaning talk to the person with compassion, understanding and an I aint gonna take no more BS (being silly :o) off of you attitude works far better than so-called "venting" (this is just what I've learned and EVERYONE is different and that's cool):tup:


Now that I'm older...well, let me read the other questions:idea:
  • Is it the "release" of emotion that helps?
It seemed to help--really looked and felt like it was helping, but in really...FOR ME, venting was nothing more than the old vicious circle, the more I "vented" about something actually kept me in the place I didn't want to be. When I "grew-up" so to speak, I learned that talk or venting is CHEAP and to either like something (accept it or get the heck out of the situation and have nothing more to do with the noun (person, place or thing) I was venting about. This has taken YEARS for me to learn:okay:
  • Or is it the validation and/or support you get?
I used to think that venting was validating me and supporting the "ventee"...but again, the reality of my venting was I was perfecting being a first rate NAGGIN BIOTCH and I never really got what I wanted from my loved ones or the people that I really cared about. Nothing changed until I changed--changed my attitude and approach and finally got it through my thick skull that venting (a.k.a) nagging, whinning, complaining to my loved ones didn't EVER get thru to them, so while it "seemed" to make me feel better...it was temporary and ineffectual. Now when it comes to "outsiders and outside interests (such as getting bad service or something to that effect...my venting bugs the cr%p out of people/businesses that aren't doing the right thing or have messed something up...they ususally give me what I want. BUT even in this area...I'm finding that peace is better than strife and in the long run--is it worth it? Sometimes yes, but most times NO--again, Life and years of living has/is teaching me this and it's rather cool to have FINALLY learned now too. I guess it's like the old saying...pick your "battles" carefully--ykwim? :hrmm:

  • Is it the advice people give you?
I don't really understand this question (I don't think) but I'll just say--no one had to "teach" me how to vent...it's a natural part of my personality and something that took years to realize and tame. I always prided myself on not taking any BS (bunch_of_stuff :o) off of people and putting people in their places when they stepped out of line (venting)...but have learned that sometime winning can actually be losing a lot of things too. So, it's ALL GOOD as they say!:thinking:


  • Do you think venting = complaining or is it reaching out to others?
See answers above. Thanks so much for these questions--I LOVE thought provoking subjects!

 
Last edited:
Jun 25, 2008
19,957
9
WoW, hiyall! That was awesome. Thank you sooo much for sharing your thoughts about venting and how the adjustments you've made have helped you.

I didn't even noticed I was venting back when I was doing it a lot. I had no idea that venting--in my case, everyone's different--was fooling my brain into thinking that by complaining about my problems, I was doing something about them. Then I came to the realization that I was talking too much about my life and not living it enough. That new perspective changed how I handle adversity.
 

bagnshoofetish

resist.
O.G.
Feb 12, 2006
33,572
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earth
I believe venting only helps if you are also willing to find solutions to your problems as well. Venting just to vent serves no purpose, I agree. You gotta be willing to fix whats wrong too.
 

elizat

Member
Sep 21, 2007
9,779
5
I only vent to ppl- usually family- if I am very, very upset in that moment, but I tend to be pretty self contained and hold things in most of the time. I have been told I appear to have no emotions by co-workers, which is far from true- I just don't like to show when I am upset/having a hard time and also like to keep my personal life private at work.

I usually feel like I am a whiner when I do vent though, so I try not to do it. Also, many of the things I truly get upset about are things I have no power to change, so wasting the time to vent about it does nothing but make me think about the topic again.
 

frostedcouture

-love life-
Apr 30, 2008
7,347
0
Tweeting on my iPhone
I vent to certain people. 2 of my best friends are always there for me to listen and offer advice. i listen to them vent too. it just works for me.
i'm having a small problem right now and it's just something i can't bear to verbally talk about, but they know i'm going through a problem so they're helping me in other ways. (like bringing cheesecake factory over!) my friends are the best. i think if you are willing to share and you have supportive ears there to listen; it's worth a shot. it always helps me. i feel like it's not burdening me so much. and they can help you fix it
 

twinkle.tink

Choose to be happy
O.G.
Sep 19, 2006
21,304
221
in a fairy house
Not so much...once in awhile, but really like hiyall said, I find it usually stokes my anger rather than solves anything.

But I will say DH does vent and it helps him. He blows up and gets it out and 5 minutes later he'll be fine.
 

Swanky

Admin
Admin
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Jan 12, 2006
86,328
6,287
no, not much to be honest. I know a lot of people start threads here for almost everything that happens to them. I am not like that at all.
I call my sis a few times a day, if I am venting, she's hearing it, but that's about it.
 

Pursegrrl

Oh no she di-int!!
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Jun 1, 2006
28,070
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Seattle
I do and it helps me a lot. I've explained this to friends/co-workers that sometimes I need to let off steam and spew a little bit, but I AWAYS go back to center. Kinda like a volcano or earthquake...wouldn't you rather have a fair amount of relatively minor noise/jittering than a big huge blowout or eruption?

But, as I get older, I tend to not let things bother me which used to. Hence, less venting. And if I'm unloading on someone I always thank them for listening and say something like "wow, I guess I need to do x,y and z...what do you think?" or "...I'm really at a loss how to manage this - have you been through anything similar?"

I also am smart about WHO to vent to and WHEN to do it, LOL.
 
Jan 20, 2007
5,601
0
Nebraska
The way to get me through all the things I can't get out of my head is to talk about it...and be ready to listen to advice.

I may have to go through it over and over and over again with the same person, but that is what helps me get through those rough patches!
 

Swanky

Admin
Admin
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Jan 12, 2006
86,328
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^^I want to add to my comment of "I don't do that at all." On the contrary, I also don't post great news about myself either. I guess I'm sort of private{?}
 

GirlFriday

Member
Mar 30, 2008
4,112
0
I have a tendency to be a big venter, but I try to control it because I've noticed it doesn't help much. Plus, some of my friends that vent ALL the time are tiring to be around because a venter is usually just somebody that complains too much. And who wants to hear that all the time?

I don't think it's good to bottle up emotions, because that's just as bad if not worse, but I think venting and complaining become addictive, and next thing you know, you're just a person that thrives off of negativity.
 

Lvbabydoll

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Mar 2, 2006
44,836
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California
I do sometimes, but then other times, I keep everything inside and then something little will set me off.
I hate doing that but I'm the type to avoid confrontation, so when I'm mad about something, I just try to put that energy into something else. Most of the time, something crafty...probably the reason I always have so many craft projects going all the time. :Push:
 

nooch

Judge Roughneck
Apr 25, 2008
9,887
9
Sometimes I need to get things off my chest. But there is a big difference between occasionally getting things off your chest and telling the entire world every detail of your life like it'll stop spinning if you don't tell.
 

candace117

Whiskey in a Teacup
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Oct 31, 2007
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Orange County
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no, not much to be honest. I know a lot of people start threads here for almost everything that happens to them. I am not like that at all.
I call my sis a few times a day, if I am venting, she's hearing it, but that's about it.


Same here...I think about starting threads sometimes....but then I am like 'well, that would take way too much effort' so no. HAHA

I am not a huge venter. I just maintain a sunny attitude.