Do I have the right to be annoyed/peeved?

[sheishollywood]

I don't know if I have to right to be annoyed/peeved.

I started a thread a few weeks ago saying how I think I hate my boyfriends bestfriend. I think I called her... Cindy. Basically - long story short - him and her will never cross those boundaries, they are JUST FRIENDS. Well we started to have issues and she kept bad mouthing me basically and telling him he needed to find the 'right girl' when she had no concept of our relationship. We broke up for awhile and got back together. I don't want to sound snooty but I believe I am a really good girlfriend. I support him in every way and I do all that I can to make his life easier.

Well when we got back together, we made it a point that we won't see each other that often because he needed to get his career up and going. This was a major stress of our relationship because he felt all this pressure to 'provide' even though I am a successful, accomplish business woman myself. Nonetheless, he felt that if he didn't buckle down and focus on his career, he may lose his chance and me in the next few years because he can't provide for me. We reconciled and both realized that it was a good idea to focus on our career but still be there to support each other.

It's been hard to adjust because we work different hours. We use to see each other EVERYDAY. Now we see each other on the weekends and maybe one weekday.

Yesterday he said he had to go down to the Studio. I said that was fine, he does that a lot during the week now. He said he missed me (we haven't seen each other since Saturday) and he'd be done early so he would like to swing by later on if it was possible. I said that was fine. So I assumed we 'had a plan'.

I went out with my girlfriend but told her I needed to be back by 10 because I was going to see him. 10.30 came around, no calls. 11 came around, no calls. I thought maybe he was working a little later so I decided not to bother him and just go to bed. I get a texted at almost ONE!! and he said while he was wrapping up Cindy called and asked to go for Coffee, he did, and just got home.

Even though he said he would probably swing by, I felt that at least he should've called before he went to meet her.

but maybe i'm overeaccting.

 

[LisaG719]

I don't think you are overreacting. He is the one that offerred to "swing by". It was rude of him to drop that idea and then go meet with Cindy.

 

[MAGs]

I think the your worrying is stemming from not seeing him as much as you want to. Don't jump to conclusions because it may just cause an unwanted rift between bf and you. But if this is happening alot-- try confronting him. Especially if Cindy is always in the picture.

 

[sheishollywood]

Mags,

She's not always in the picture and that's why I don't want to blow up at him so soon. I just feel because we're working on our relationship that now that we are together but being more independent he doesn't feel obligated to give me that kind of time. Especially when HE WAS the one who suggested it. It's like, i'm too tired to stop by but i'll make time and go for coffee with just a friend.

 

[MAGs]

^ If you're trying to work on your relationship, won't it be hard if you see less of him than you used to?.. Talk to him and let him know how you feel. Men can be so clueless sometimes(emphasis on sometimes... please don't throw rocks at me ).

 

[chloe-babe]

ahhh I would certainly be peeved too. As far as im concerned, if somebody says they will drop by that evening, thats a confirmed booking! As soon as his friend turned up, he should have said, ah coffee would be great but im busy tonite, or called you while the friend was there and said to you, so and so wants me to go for coffee with them, do you mind, or were you looking forward to seeing me?

 

[lara0112]

hey, I think you are fine to be annoyed, mainly because you broke your eve's plan to be back waiting for him (this would get me at least) all the while he went for coffee with someone else.

I reckon it wasn't bad intention etc rather both of you still have to get used to the new situation. so i recommend you clear it up yourself: I wouldn't have an argument about this now but next time he suggests to swing by either ask him if that is a plan or just an idea, or you suggest he give you a call beforehand to see whether you are in .

personally, discussing my marriage with anyone other than my husband is no-go, we have an agreement there, because of precisely the bad-mouthing, involvement, 'well-meant' advice, etc of others that will confuse the parties involved. if you don't mind it is fine, if you do, I recommend you discuss that openly (of course it means you will also not discuss with friends etc). I also agree that if Cindy is always in the picture when things go funny, you should say something. as you said they are friends, and that includes having respect for each other's relationships.

having said that, he may just not have seen it as a plan but rather as an idea, and he changed it when she called. you love each other and that is all that matters. btw, I have not really understood why you need to be apart for him to focus on his career - but everyone has their own ideas about that, so you can tell me to mind my own business .

 

[sheishollywood]

Exactly... I just don't want to overreact on something that's really small. Chances are, he probably didn't think anything of it.

 

[lara0112]

I just feel because we're working on our relationship that now that we are together but being more independent he doesn't feel obligated to give me that kind of time. Especially when HE WAS the one who suggested it. It's like, i'm too tired to stop by but i'll make time and go for coffee with just a friend.

^ hm, I think it is a case of both of you trying untested waters. the way you handle your relationship now is new to both of you so I reckon you have to find new ways with each other.

i know a couple that had gone from moving together to being apart (distance wise) which resulted in a temporary break-up. they just got too close too soon. oh well, they are married now and have kids so you see, it is just a way of trying to find each other in different ways. I reckon part of any long-term committed relationship.

 

[sheishollywood]

^ hm, I think it is a case of both of you trying untested waters. the way you handle your relationship now is new to both of you so I reckon you have to find new ways with each other.

i know a couple that had gone from moving together to being apart (distance wise) which resulted in a temporary break-up. they just got too close too soon. oh well, they are married now and have kids so you see, it is just a way of trying to find each other in different ways. I reckon part of any long-term committed relationship.

thanks a lot for your input!

He is a musician and a producer. And even if he's not working with other musicians or in any projects, he still needs his time to focus and write new things. Before we got too close too soon and I consumed ALL of his time. He started to fall behind on his work etc. It's not my fault because he wanted to spend just as much time, and we both understand that. But we can't hold each other back because if we did, we wouldn't really love each other.

I just don't want him to make this into a big deal. And be get all, "When we got back together, we said we wouldn't expect so much from each other" or something like that. but I don't think the issue is that I expect all of his time anymore, it's just common respect. If you say you would probably swing by and I specifically said for you to tell me if you knew that you wouldn't and you dont' even call... I have the right to be upset.

 

[kissmyace108]

I would seriously be upset...this is not normal behavior he shouldve AT LEAST called to tell you he wasnt coming wth?!?!

 

[sheishollywood]

I talked to him, he said he made a mistake, and that he wasn't thinking about it. He knew I was peeved but he didn't want to get into an argument so he waited until I was ready to talk about it.

At first he did that "Well, all I do is work and see you. It's just that lately work has consumed me way more! and I think it's still OK for me to see my friend when I want to" and I said I completely agree. I never said that he didn't make time for me anymore, it just feels as if I got bumped this time when I made it clear to him (so we don't get into a conflict) to call me if he knows he won't be making it. Even if it's early. It's just respect on your gf and at least call when you're on your way to meeting her. Why wait until you're home already and then call?

He took responsibility for the mess up and said sorry. So I guess I should feel better now. Even though I am still a bit ticked off.

Funny he told me what Cindy and him were talking about - and basically she was just bantering about her losing a couple of friends because they 'misunderstood and now thinks she's a horrible friend' Which is funny because one of those 'ex friends' was one of her ex bestfriends gf too. So you can see the cycle. Although she may be going through a tough time, and I would never wish ill on someone else, it's just funny how now things just kind of comes around.

 

[Couturegrl]

^Ugh I would be irritated too...

I like when the women is a man's life (sister, friend, etc)are picky about the person that their guy friend/brother/whatever is dating, but there comes a point where they need to back off.

Case in point: my fiancee has a very cute friend I'll call T. T's sister is sooooo critical and rude about any and all girls he goes out on a date with. I like T. and I like his sister but sometimes I have to bite my tongue so I don't tell her (nicely, of course) to butt out! LOL

 

[bagnshoofetish]

... I get a texted at almost ONE!! and he said while he was wrapping up Cindy called and asked to go for Coffee, he did, and just got home. .

Was he working with my hubby cause he didn't get out till about 12:30am either! When my DH works late and our schedules keep us apart, he invites me down to the studio to hang for a while. That way we can touch base and cuddle on breaks. Is this something he would be into you doing so you don't have to wait for him to be finished?
(and I think its bogus for him to have chosen to have coffee with this chick instead of hanging with you - especially if he knows it would bother you.)

 

[sheishollywood]

Haha I do sometimes. It's weird because I use to work with that studio too so some of the guys and myself are on bad terms . I'm a real ***** if you try to step on my toes and I think because it's only been a few weeks from the split of me and some producers/and my band mates I should really stay away for awhile. and only a couple of them know we are dating.

Yeah he didn't realize I would be peeved until he texted me twice and I didn't respond. He realized that I had fallen asleep and it was the first time I didn't call to say goodnight. so he soon realized what he had done.

Sometimes boys need a smack here and there.

Was he working with my hubby cause he didn't get out till about 12:30am either! When my DH works late and our schedules keep us apart, he invites me down to the studio to hang for a while. That way we can touch base and cuddle on breaks. Is this something he would be into you doing so you don't have to wait for him to be finished?
(and I think its bogus for him to have chosen to have coffee with this chick instead of hanging with you - especially if he knows it would bother you.)