Did you keep your maiden name if or when you got married and why?

Dec 15, 2016
13
65
I actually had a rather lengthy discussion about this with my husband before we got married. He's more old fashioned than I am... I wanted to keep my maiden name entirely and he wanted me to change it to his last name. (For perspective, we live in the Los Angeles area and there are many progressive women that don't change their names at all around this neck of the woods. Not an atypical thing.) He said he wanted both he and I and our future kids to be a "family unit" and I didn't think a last name mattered so much. If you're a family, you're a family.

So here's what we came up with: I change my name socially while keeping my maiden name for work purposes. I go by Mrs. [his last name] except at work and he has to wear his wedding ring. (He doesn't particularly like the way it feels and said he didn't want to wear it, although I think he's more used to it now.)

The work thing is good, because all of my degrees are in my maiden name and I changed my last name on social media, so it's harder for clients to find me socially on the internet. (In my line of work, we don't socialize with clients outside of the work time... would be unethical.) Also, I help my husband with his company and I find it easier to deal with his employees when they don't know I'm married to the boss. The ones that know treat me differently...

In the end we compromised.

And actually, I haven't legally changed my name yet. The process is long, I'm lazy, and I really really don't want to spend the ridiculous amount of time on the process of changing all of my IDs, passport, social security card, and literally everything else in my life. I suppose I should do that soon-ish though. [emoji52]
 

doni

O.G.
Oct 10, 2007
3,144
12,797
Yes.
In my country it has never been the case that women would change their name upon marriage. My mother has her own name as did my grandmothers, great grandmothers etc. Your name is your name forever, it is who you are, so this idea of changing it is very bizarre to us.
I married into a culture where on the contrary there is this idea of a family name and they find it difficult to understand that members of the same nuclear family unit have different names. But I didn't consider changing mine. My parents would have been offended!
 

winks

O.G.
Feb 6, 2010
719
636
Zurich, Switzerland
In Switzerland women do usually change their names (we can chose). If my boyfriend and I would would get married, I would take his name because I really like it. If I would get married to someone with a common name, I'd keep mine.
 

Stansy

O.G.
Jul 7, 2009
4,116
4,545
Save water and drink Champagne!
I didn't like my maiden name (has lots of bad joke potential) but DH has a very nice albeit common one.
Plus I like the idea of sharing a name, especially now that we have our DD.
I still asked DH before we got married if he wanted to take my name, and he just laughed at me ;)
 
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finzup

Easily tempted
O.G.
Feb 27, 2007
7,514
5
New Hampshire
I got married in 2010. I kept my maiden name, simply because I'm lazy and it's a lot of work to change my name.
Now that I have children and they are starting to get older, I need to finally do it. It's just so much paperwork and I'm just so lazy about it :smile:
 

deltalady

Member
Oct 25, 2011
4,094
1,981
TX
I changed mine and found it painless. I went to the DMV with my marriage license and it took all of 30 minutes. Then I took the temporary license down to the Social Security office with my marriage license and my SS card and changed it. Did it all in a day in less than 2 hours.
 
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Krispamispa

Member
Dec 27, 2016
29
69
I kept mine, I told DH I spent 28 years becoming KrispaMispa and I wasn't about to change it now. I also told him he already had a previous wife out there still running around with his last name and one was enough. He laughed. We hyphenated our daughters last name which gave her a unique nickname.
 

skyeskye

O.G.
Feb 21, 2007
130
203
36
I've kept my maiden name and plan to keep it even after we have kids.
DH and I discussed this before we got married and he suggested that I keep my maiden name.
The conversation went something like this...
Me: should I change my surname after I get married?
DH: no. You have a cool surname.

When people ask us "why" our official reason is "it's easier for me because I have been working in my industry for 10 years and I'm known by some people already" in all honesty it just never was a thing for us.
 

gagabag

Member
Jan 4, 2012
3,321
5,203
with koalas in the bush
I kept mine too. Reasons are similar to what was already posted above - too lazy, degrees, work-related, work networking, too hard, no time, etc. Plus my husband encouraged me to keep mine. (I have a unique surname). I feel bad though when we travel having different surnames.
 

jklover

Member
Jan 18, 2017
86
175
At this moment I have my maiden name kept because my hubby never asked me or urge me to do so. I have asked him before that if he wanted me to change my last name, he says, yes whenever you are ready. The thing is if he really wanted me to do it, he would have asked me at least once, right?! So I might keep it, I don't know.
 
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stephc005

O.G.
Aug 7, 2008
8,583
1,629
MD
Kept mine with the intention of eventually changing my name but then never did nor wanted to. Now that both of my parents are gone and my sister is married and changed her name, I feel compelled to keep my last name alive for a bit longer even if my children end up with my husband's name.