DH just made me cry!!! In a BAD way!!

#31
Ghost , thanx so much!!! Good to know there is a good listener!!! DH has gone to bed!!!!
But in the words of GG. Holla!!!!!
I still need my perfect Bleu Kelly one day!!! Or is that green???

Shallow????
Selfish????
What moi????
 
#32
Raz said:
castorny, you are a mind reader!!!
I have my lil collection sitting in front of me now!!
Gold 37cm Bolide
Chartreuse 31cm Bolide
Black Box 20cm Kelly
They really are my dream bags :love: I know I am more than lucky to have them.
I guess DH just saying the words that were already on my mind.
Loking at the cost of three little bags!!!
WOW!!
Click to expand...

Don't hit yourself because of the cost. Remember that they are classics and you will have them for life. I didn't know I could read minds?!?! Best to you: sending good vibes your way.
 
#35
Ah Raz I don't have anything new to add really -- but we all can easily get sucked into loving Hermes very easily and wanting more more more!! The pf unfortunately puts it all in front of us and well...loving nice things doesn't make you shallow! Overspending on nice things is just that...overspending! Some days I do wonder how I got 'here' and thinking now how LV bags are inexpensive compared to H! (yet they aren't either!)...anyway - hugs to you - and yes boundaries and spending limits are NOT fun - I know that!! I am finding to sell one to buy helps -- and I'm more than happy buying pre-loved to save more...
 
#36
Hey Raz, Remember sometimes people work out the issues they have with themselves on other people though projection. Your DH may think inside that he is selfish and shallow, but can't admit that, so projects it onto you and then by "telling you -- and making you change" its somehow going to get fixed internal to him. Not sure if this is what is going on, but projection is a popular technique for those who don't have the psychological tools to recognize their own issues as opposed to others.

It sounds like you have gorgeous bags--its a shame your industry is hard hit right now, but hang in there. It will recover.
 
#37
shoes319 said:
Ah Raz I don't have anything new to add really -- but we all can easily get sucked into loving Hermes very easily and wanting more more more!! The pf unfortunately puts it all in front of us and well...loving nice things doesn't make you shallow! Overspending on nice things is just that...overspending! Some days I do wonder how I got 'here' and thinking now how LV bags are inexpensive compared to H! (yet they aren't either!)...anyway - hugs to you - and yes boundaries and spending limits are NOT fun - I know that!! I am finding to sell one to buy helps -- and I'm more than happy buying pre-loved to save more...
Click to expand...

You know sometimes I do actually feel shallow!!
Jeez these bags and other goodies are just soo expensive.
But, I have to say that honestly, I have run everything passed DH, even if I didnt have to. KWIM???
Its a bit like a stab in the back for him to suddenly say I am like selfish and shalllow.
Like DER??? I have never hidden it!!!
Hellooooo, do you know me at all????:P
I have never lied, I even admitted once that I couldnt sleep, coz I was wondering about what shawl to get next!!!!
 
#38
*hugs* I know what you mean about feeling guilty. My DH recently started counting my scarves! He said I have a lot already. Yes, I had never meant to get so many, but he was the one who enabled me to get H in the first place! I'm spending money on lots of pretty cloth.

Men, they always think one is enough. Drat.
 
#40
saligator said:
Hey Raz, Remember sometimes people work out the issues they have with themselves on other people though projection. Your DH may think inside that he is selfish and shallow, but can't admit that, so projects it onto you and then by "telling you -- and making you change" its somehow going to get fixed internal to him. Not sure if this is what is going on, but projection is a popular technique for those who don't have the psychological tools to recognize their own issues as opposed to others.

It sounds like you have gorgeous bags--its a shame your industry is hard hit right now, but hang in there. It will recover.
Click to expand...


This really is a manipulative action people with severe personality disorders use, I dont think Raz husband is one of those

However I do think H items can become OCD,

Raz, pls support hubby right now, sounds as if he is going through a difficult time, forget H, for the time being, let it go emotionally until things turn the tide,
I think Millsteam and others have give excellant advice

At the end of the day it is just a Handbag!,
Love, relationships are worth more than all the H, bags in the world
 
#41
{{HUGS}} I'm sorry your DH was annoyed.

I can't personally say anything one way or another because it's sort of between you and your DH, KWIM? I don't know your financial situation, I don't know what is going on with regards to the family income/outgoings so it's hard for me to say "Your DH was overreacting or projecting or your DH said something because he really meant it"

I think maybe you should talk to him and try to figure out why he reacted this way? After all, your marriage is much more important than H bags...
 
#43
BIG HUGS TO YOU RAZ :heart::heart::heart:

You are not shallow and selfish. That would come through on your posts. You are a lovely lady with exquisite taste. (he just blew a gasket. he didn't mean it. what everyone else said about the pressure.)

And you should not feel selfish (or shallow!) to enjoy your beautiful things. You have checked with your DH at the time, you are working as a team - it's all going to be OK.

This is a valley, it *will* pass and you'll be up on the mountaintop again soon, sharing a new reveal with us darling! Truth.
 
#44
Thanks soo much everybody.
Some of your thoughts have made me laugh. Which is def a good thing!!! :heart:
I guess up until now, I have always got away with thinking, well we can afford it!!
But I suppose, its like, well actually we cant afford to spend soo much!!!
I feel more than a little bit bad and ungrateful, that when DH said things were tough, I was like there goes my next H bag!! God, I so needed something Bleu!!!
Lindy or Kelly????????
But I guess with 4 kids teenage kids between us, our priotities have to change. Driving lessons, money towards a car et all x4 ,H is going to have to be on the back burner.
 
#45
I think when both you and DH calm down, you need to find some time to sit down together and openly discuss your financial situation. Your husband may be reluctant to tell you he can no longer afford to give you that money to do with as you please. He needs to be upfront with you, and together you must decide what your priorities are. With 4 teenage children, you've got a LOT of expenses now and ahead of you. Hermes may well have to go on the back burner for a while. But the most important thing is for you and DH to talk frankly about your finances and make a plan. You may hate it, but that is what happens in life sometimes.
 
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