DH just made me cry!!! In a BAD way!!

  1. OK . We are going through bad times. We are in the Finance Business, and at the moment it is really hard. Lenders/dealers are pulling out of the market on a daily basis. our livelihood is in jeopardy.
    I have recently sold a load of my scarves that I dont wear alot to try and justify my new purchases.
    It has been a particularly bad day, DHs partners are relying on him, and I do feel for him. He is having awful time.
    But this evening he turned on me, and said I am selfish and shallow!!!
    I really want to cry, but I am damned if I will ever cry in front of any man ,or anybody!!
    I know he doesnt really mean it, and HEY I admit I am a little shallow (me and DH normally joke about it!!)
    BUT, what if seriously H has made me sooo shallow???
    What if it has really distorted my grip on real life???
    Does this thought of how much you spend sometimes make you feel restless and GUILTY??
    is the pleasure of opening that Orange box REALLY WORTH IT???
  2. Oh Raz, hugs :heart::heart::heart::heart:

    It's neither selfish nor shallow to want to be happy and if H brings a little bit of happiness into your life, then it is justified.
  3. I'm so sorry to ready about this. Hugs being sent your way! Sometimes life has a way of grounding us. Liking H. isn't shallow.
  4. I'm so sorry Raz. Financial panic is a horrible thing and hopefully he will be able to see past the tough time soon and things will equalize for both of you. When comments or barbs are coming from a feeling of fear they can be very desperate. Just try to be strong and not retaliate so that things don't escalate further. Remember that the overall relationship health is more important and hopefully your example can remind him of the same.

    No orange box or material thing is worth feeling this type of angst over. All of us are shallow to a certain degree. Try not to beat yourself up too much. Thankfully this too shall pass. Hugs to you at this time.
  5. Rose and Liness, you see sometimes I think I have totally lost a grip on life.
    for the price of a H Handbag, I could buy a fantastic new LCD TV, or a new sofa, which we desperately need!!!
    they def wouldnt give me such a thrill, but really am I being selfish????
  6. Raz, I'm so sorry to hear about what your DH is going through and what he said to you. From my own experience, I have found that sometimes having boundaries set for you is not such a bad thing in that it can make you appreciate something more that you've waited for, help you be more selective about what you're adding, and to make do with less. If buying something makes you feel guilty, you are better off without it. The guilt definitely lessens the pleasure, although I definitely know what it's like to be in that orange haze when all common sense flies out the window. =)
  7. Oh Raz, I'm so sorry :heart:
  8. Ah, bad days.

    You could go over to your car and think about the payments. There's a computer, two, or three that didn't need to be bought, shoes that are similiar to a different pair.

    We all have bad days and anything or anyone can get in the way and take the windfall for a negative thought.

    We ALL have passions, hobbies, and dreams. Try to keep them balanced, as well as yourself, and you'll be okay. Have a glass of tea, a moment to yourself, and find that balanced place. Then smile. you are a wonderful person, no matter what you love.

    DH knows that. And so do you.
  9. IMO, it is priorities that both you and your husband set. Right now, just support your husband. He must be feeling a lot of pressure and when anyone of us feel that way, we -- unfortunately -- lash out at the ones we love and trust the most. (Perhaps it's a safety thing). Stay strong. There might not be an H. in the future tomorrow, but there will be one down the road. Keep dreaming and take care of both of you. I hope this helps!
  10. hugs to you raz:heart: I hope things can turn around soon for your DH.
  11. Big hugs, Raz. I'm so sorry.
  12. i understand how upset you must be. and i'm sure your husband didn't mean it. he's no doubt stressed beyond belief with worry and work. i don't think loving h makes you shallow at all. but i do relate to the restless and guilty feelings. i have that often when i think about how much i have compared to even the people i love. do i think opening an orange box is a special kind of pleasure? absolutely! do i think that feeling lasts long enough to justify the other guilty feelings after or the additional stress it might cause? no. but i think that's the truth about a lot of shopping. i tend to shop to make myself feel better and the high of buying something is often so fleeting i'm back online looking for something else right after, kwim?

    hang in there. i bet your husband feels terrible about what he said. esp knowing what you gave up in order to help. ((((hugs)))
  13. orchids. I do have boundaries. This may seem a little old-fashioned, but I do get an allowance from DH every month to do with what I want!! It goes straight into my own personal account, no questions asked.
    Before I found H, this wasnt a problem!!
    But since discovering H, its like a secret addiction!!!
    I want to clear it with DH before I buy anything, just to maybe clear myself of the guilt of spending too much.
    hlfinn, I know DH already feels bad for what he said, he would give me the stars if he could, but am I asking too much???
  14. Raz, it is OK to cry, we all need to do that some time.
    I am sorry that things are tough for your family. They are tough for so many of us too. We all feel it one way or another.
    Opening an orange box is wonderful, but it's true it's not worth the guilt, so we have to find the right balance whatever that point is. I hope that you work things out with your DH. Marriage is hard work even when you don't have external (like financial) pressure, I hope you come out OK. Hang in there...
  15. Raz, I have a spill I want to say but I am feeling very ill. but hugs and don't let men get to you. Men can't handle stress....and he just spurted out what he could do to handle it.