Delivery Day: Who's in the room?

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  1. I'm having a REALLY difficult time deciding this, simply because I am just not comfortable in my own skin. I never have been. Clearly my husband will stay with me, but my mother has been non-stop bugging me about how she wants to be there while I'm in labor, and she said she'll leave when I begin to "push" - I don't know how I'll feel the day of, but right now the whole idea of having anyone else besides nurses and my husband in the room makes me SUPER uneasy. I know for a fact I will not even be able to breastfeed in front of anyone, or especially not pump in front of anyone. I don't know why all of this freaks me out so much. But I don't know how to tell my mother I don't want her there. :/

    Anyone else have this situation? What did you decide?
     
  2. I'll preface this by saying that I had a drug-free vaginal birth, so it was not at all serene. I think maybe it would be different with the epidural. Anyway, my mom was at my house and stayed there until the baby was born. She said it was actually really hard for her to listen to me laboring and in pain. I would also say that I would not have wanted her in the room for the actual birth. I felt that was an important moment for me, my husband, and the baby only. Also, birth is not exactly a pretty sight.

    That said, in the throes of labor they could have been broadcasting it live on CNN and I would not have cared because I was in an altered state of focus on giving birth. But if you're not comfortable with it, just tell her she's not allowed. Maybe you can use the hospital as an excuse and tell her that they forbid anyone but your husband from being in the room? Perhaps that would spare her feelings a bit.
     
  3. You shouldn't feel pressured into anything. Just tell your mother you don't know how you'll feel during labor and delivery and you may not be comfortable having her there. At my hospital, a major NYC hospital, they only allow one person in the maternity area with you during labor/delivery, c-section. Anyone else has to literally wait downstairs in the hospital main lobby. So depending on your hospital, she may not even be allowed.
     
  4. Don't feel guilty. Stand your ground. It's your family, your baby and your vajayjay which is on display here. Tell her that as much as you love her for her support, when push comes to shove (literally) you dont feel comfortable with her around, you never know you might change your mind later.


    I only had my husband and the midwife/doctors/nurses in the birthing suite. I didn't feel comfortable with anyone else in the room.
     
  5. Anyone present during your labor should be there to support you and your needs. If you feel bugged or pressured, then I think you have your answer. Her main concern should be support you and if that means her not being in the room, she should respect that. I would let her know exactly how you feel. If she is upset or mad, all the more reason she should not be there...it isn't about her, it's about you. Good luck!
     
  6. I'm having my husband and my older sister with me, mum says she will be loitering in the waiting room though - in case I need her.
     
  7. My husband was the only one in the room with me. My mom asked a few times if she could be, but I just kept telling her I would be too stressed/anxious and I only wanted my DH in there. She finally understood and said she'd be in the waiting room giving support from there. I hope your mom understands. Try not to stress about it too much. I'm like you are, very modest and not comfortable in front of people in certain situations. Good luck!
     
  8. my husband wasn't around the first time, only my mother, and she was with me even when I finally had to have a c section - great support I have to say and surely more relaxing than my DH (but this is about him). the second two c-sections the hospitals did not allow anyone to be with me and this was a good thing - my mother freaked out when I had to have a c-section the first time and she was not relaxing at this point (was great all throughout the rest of the time though). it was easier for me to focus on myself rather than anyone else.


    you should do what feels right to you - I would have loved my DH to be there but this is not who he is, and so I like the idea of him being there but not him as the actual person that he is. I think you should explain to your mother that you would prefer her to be around but for now just want your husband in there.
     
  9. I kind of went through the same thing. I knew I only wanted my husband there so we could spend time with the baby when he/she (we didn't know) came out. Our families were very respectful and just waited by the phone for us to give them the "go ahead" to arrive at the hospital. It is your birth, your family, your time...so you can do whatever you want.

    As for modesty, that will go right out the window! I thought I was modest but I could care less who saw me naked, saw my lady bits on display, etc. As for breastfeeding and pumping I cannot tell you how many of my friends have now seen my breasts. Mind you, they have all been female friends and my mother in law. I had two girlfriends give birth right about when I did and I remember at one point we were all sitting around her living room all three of us pumping and seeing who was getting the most milk. Once you have seen one boob you have seem them all!!
     
  10. Do what makes you the most comfortable. I had my mother present during the birth of my first son and I would never do that again! Mind you, she had 5 children and acted like watching me give birth was the grossest thing she had ever seen. She actually turned her head and said yuck.:yucky: She told me back when she had kids (the dark ages) the doctor kept you covered up for modesty.

    I usually have my husband and children present during the birth. My boys love seeing their newest brother being born, but that is my comfort level. Keep in mind that you don't have to do anything to validate anyone else. Whatever you and your DH find to be comfortable, stress free and positive for yourselves is what you should do. Wishing you the best!:hugs:
     
  11. I had two babies and my DH is the only person that I wanted in the delivery room. To us, the birth of our children was a very personal thing and not something that we wanted to share with any one. My mom offered to come and give me "support" and I said no.
     
  12. Mom and DH were present at my deliveries. I couldn't have done it without either of them.

    I wasn'T comfortable in my skin either, but at that point I just didn't really care about much.
     
  13. I had my mom and husband with me when I gave birth. I'm the kind of person that changes in the stall at the gym. After laboring for 30+ hours and wanting the baby out so badly. I did not care who was in the room.
     
  14. My MIL thought she belonged in the delivery room with DH when our first was born. I told her politely, "No" the only person I wanted with me was my husband.

    DH and I decided not to call any family or friends until after the baby was born. I went into labor, delivered, and then made the calls that our baby had arrived. Her feelings were hurt and I really didn't give a rats behind!

    Don't feel pressured to do what others want. You alone get to decide who is in that room with you!
    Good luck to you!
     
  15. I live a pretty public life. Lol. I'm NOT shy. I could care less who saw my delivery. However, I knew whoever was in the delivery room would want to hold the baby right away, and I wanted that to be my time. Because of that, I decided it was best to just be me & DH.

    When the day came though, I had to be induced and I knew I would be in more pain than my DH could stomach. So my MIL came to coach me through. That woman was a life saver!

    I think if your mom is being pushy, then she is trying to be there for all the wrong reasons. She sounds like she wants to feel important. You need that day to be about you & your little family. If they aren't there for support and coaching, tell them no! JMO