Okay, both my kids get to write to Santa. I may be 51, but damnit, there's stuff I want too. Who the H*** am I supposed to write to??? Here I go, serious and not-so-serious and totally and utterly uncensored... This Christmas, I'D like: * Two weeks by myself to just sleep, eat, drink, read and do exactly what I'D like to do without worrying about anyone else's schedule or needs, but you have to work it so that I don't feel at ALL guilty about leaving my kids or dearest, sweetest husband behind.. * an '05 Turk Work * Mathew McConaughey to buy a f***ing shirt and some sunscreen, lose the surfboard and find a cause! Seriously, how many times do we have to see him with his shirt off? He's not that hot, his hair is weird and this guy needs a life. C'mon...Clooney's got Dafur, Damon's got climate change, Pitt has New Orleans, Jolie's got the U.N.....and you've got sand in your shorts. WTF? Do something interesting or worthwhile or get the HELL out of People Magazine! * Another year of being cancer free. This constant worrying is NOT my style and I'm boring myself. * Continued good health, academic success and happiness for my 2 indescribably wonderful girls. * Someone to "let go" our nanny. I love her to DEATH, but the kids are 11 & 13 and she's been with us for 13 years. THE HOUSE CAN'T GET ANY CLEANER!!! But I can't do it myself...she's been too, too good to us. Please, Santa, get her a job offer somewhere. This is ridiculous. * a Mac Laptop * an Audi TT (electric blue, please) * someone to spank Brittany Spears and shove her into re-hab for a year before she kills herself or her kids. * to wake up one morning magically 25 lbs. lighter * killer legs * to be able to spend more time at the cottage (maybe every Friday the kids could miss school? Please??) * to be able to get tickeled from behind without peeing myself. The kids may love it, but my nerves are destroyed and it's just SO not funny anymore. * someone to organize my office. It's just too overwhelming to even think about starting, but it drives me INSANE every morning when I walk in. * my husband and his absolutely wonderful sweet, bright daughter to work out their troubled relationship * my stepson ^^ to GROW UP, quit whining and understand it's not all about him! (It's about ME!!! ) * a huge mid-air collison right over my house (no personal injuries, of course) of a Brink's plane and the Balenciaga corporate jet. If this is too hard, just pick one. * my brother to come to his senses and start talking to me again. It's been 5 years, he's 61 and I love and miss him so much. That's pretty much it Santa. If you could deliver on at least a few of these, it would really and truly be appreciated.