Dealing with complete mess. Need good thoughts,vibes,prayers etc
- Thread starter bubbleliciousis
- Start date
Hey you wonderful gals, thanks for the continued support
i'm just typing here before i have to dash off...
Purssegrrrl, they didn't say when he's coming back but i emailed him and said i was here and was told he wasn't in the office. if he wanted to see me, let me know when and i would go to his office. he sounds like he's ready to wash his hands clean off me now that i'm here and didn't say anything about seeing me.
it's hard for me to know how i really feel about this whole thing. partially because everything has happened so fast and i have to act/make decisions quickly.
being sick doesn't help because it makes me tired and my friend says being sick makes everything seem 100 times worse.
I don't know if i'm feeling lousy about this situation because i ACTUALLY feel that way, or because i'm sick or because it's my despressive self talking.
SO if any of you are psychics or have psychic contacts, please pass along so i can figure out how i really feel 
Anyway, i'm currently feeling like my heart is not in this. It is logically a safe next step, it is logically something that most people would not complain about if they were in my situation.
I'm wrestling with the question of do i just make myself do it (yes i can, i've done that in past, i can do it again) or if i have to keep on talking myself into it, then maybe it's really not for me and I should take the less safe road (go back "home" where family is and find a job). I don't know if i have the guts to walk away from the safe bet even though the safe bet isn't making me very happy now.
Maybe I just need abit more time to be settled in here in my new environment? (that's what i have said from the time i bought the plane ticket to the time i boarded the plane to the time i got off the plane and now again)
I don't know why i feel this way about a new opportunity that i should be excited about, a new opportunity that MOST people would be excited about. Instead here i am, crying and somewhat miserable. How is that possible?
LabelAddict, Boxermom and those of you who addressed concerns over my health, thanks alot. I know what you're saying. I'm actually scared about this myself because i know I'm either going end up doing badly or doing a good job and ending up in the hospital. right now i know i'm pretty much pushing myself pretty close to my limit. I don't know how much longer i can do this and i'm not going to recover if i keep on doing this.
I can be a real tough cookie and i keep on telling myself, it's ok, it's not like i'm down with cancer, i can push myself, i can do this. but throughout the day, I get breathing problems and when i'm done at the end of the day i'm so exhausted i need to sleep immediately at 8pm.
it seems like the only way to recover is to rest which would be to let go of this new opportunity and head back home....
i don't know how to make this decision, it's so hard. I worry what if i give this up and then i end up in a deadend job that leaves me retrenched at 40 with insufficient $$ to last me through my old age? yes laugh at me
will i look back then and say i wish i'd stuck with this and lowered my chances of getting a deadend job? nycgrl, I try to tell myself it's all going to be OK but i'm so worried i'm going to regret it if i leave and i'm so worried about the what if this and what if that.
nycgrl, sofakingsweet, nishi and crochetbella, thanks for all your prayers and well wishes. I really really appreciate it.
Crochetbella, hey gal, how are you doing? i hope things are well with you. thinking of you and sending you hugs and
too.
ok i've gotta go now... talk to you gals soon.
hugs, Bubbles
i'm just typing here before i have to dash off...
Purssegrrrl, they didn't say when he's coming back but i emailed him and said i was here and was told he wasn't in the office. if he wanted to see me, let me know when and i would go to his office. he sounds like he's ready to wash his hands clean off me now that i'm here and didn't say anything about seeing me.
it's hard for me to know how i really feel about this whole thing. partially because everything has happened so fast and i have to act/make decisions quickly.
being sick doesn't help because it makes me tired and my friend says being sick makes everything seem 100 times worse.
I don't know if i'm feeling lousy about this situation because i ACTUALLY feel that way, or because i'm sick or because it's my despressive self talking.
SO if any of you are psychics or have psychic contacts, please pass along so i can figure out how i really feel Anyway, i'm currently feeling like my heart is not in this. It is logically a safe next step, it is logically something that most people would not complain about if they were in my situation.
I'm wrestling with the question of do i just make myself do it (yes i can, i've done that in past, i can do it again) or if i have to keep on talking myself into it, then maybe it's really not for me and I should take the less safe road (go back "home" where family is and find a job). I don't know if i have the guts to walk away from the safe bet even though the safe bet isn't making me very happy now.
Maybe I just need abit more time to be settled in here in my new environment? (that's what i have said from the time i bought the plane ticket to the time i boarded the plane to the time i got off the plane and now again)
I don't know why i feel this way about a new opportunity that i should be excited about, a new opportunity that MOST people would be excited about. Instead here i am, crying and somewhat miserable. How is that possible?
LabelAddict, Boxermom and those of you who addressed concerns over my health, thanks alot. I know what you're saying. I'm actually scared about this myself because i know I'm either going end up doing badly or doing a good job and ending up in the hospital. right now i know i'm pretty much pushing myself pretty close to my limit. I don't know how much longer i can do this and i'm not going to recover if i keep on doing this.
I can be a real tough cookie and i keep on telling myself, it's ok, it's not like i'm down with cancer, i can push myself, i can do this. but throughout the day, I get breathing problems and when i'm done at the end of the day i'm so exhausted i need to sleep immediately at 8pm.
it seems like the only way to recover is to rest which would be to let go of this new opportunity and head back home....
i don't know how to make this decision, it's so hard. I worry what if i give this up and then i end up in a deadend job that leaves me retrenched at 40 with insufficient $$ to last me through my old age? yes laugh at me
will i look back then and say i wish i'd stuck with this and lowered my chances of getting a deadend job? nycgrl, I try to tell myself it's all going to be OK but i'm so worried i'm going to regret it if i leave and i'm so worried about the what if this and what if that. nycgrl, sofakingsweet, nishi and crochetbella, thanks for all your prayers and well wishes. I really really appreciate it.
Crochetbella, hey gal, how are you doing? i hope things are well with you. thinking of you and sending you hugs and
too. ok i've gotta go now... talk to you gals soon.
hugs, Bubbles
Bubbles... I just found your thread and I just speechless! I can't believe that this is happening to you, that this man is treating you this way... I just can't :censor::censor: believe the nerve of this person, to treat you this way!!!
Get well soon. you are in my prayers.
Get well soon. you are in my prayers.
**HUG**
I'm sending lots of love and support your way.
You remain in my thoughts and prayers -- best wishes that everything gets patched up soon. Hang in there!
I'm sending lots of love and support your way.
You remain in my thoughts and prayers -- best wishes that everything gets patched up soon. Hang in there!
Bubbles.....how brave and gracious of you to share your story with all of us!! I know when things are really horrible, I write and share and it helps. Take car eof yourself!! We are all on your side......and we LOVE YA!
anne
anne
aww Bubbles.. im so sorry, sending good thoughts and prayers to you and hoping things will look up, just think POSITIVE!
hey gals, how's everyone's weekend going?
I had lunch with a friend here yesterday and bemoaned about my situation looking for advice but he didn't have any.
boxermom, the concern, thoughts and prayers of all of you are a huge comfort to me. it really helps me so much to feel like i have a support group amongst you gals because I don't have that many friends that i can turn to. You gals are a great comfort to me with your great insights, wisdom and comforting words/hugs. 
It really helps to have all your continued checking in and support. I wish you were all close by to me =)
windycityaj, LOL, you give me too much credit. while i have shared my other experiences here so others can avoid the same mistakes i did, I don't think i'm brave or gracious to be writing about this. you gals are such a huge help and comfort to me. and like i said, i don't really have a real life support group. it really helps for me to be able to write and share with you all and know that some of you are out there supporting me as i go through this insanity.
update on how i'm doing...
I'm less unstable these days, (for now) but i'm not feeling happy here. i don't know why, cos most people would probably be. Still feeling like my heart is not in it but i'm working on the premise that i'm going to plough ahead just to get to the end goal. i think this first month might be the toughest and maybe after that things will get better...?
The weekend has been filled with lots of work to be done and i'm sufficiently stressed. my throat feels very strange and i'm hoping this doesn't mean that my infection is getting worse cos that's what it felt like the first time.
Meanwhile, my dad is dealing with some minor health issues. nothing serious but i worry. My grandma called and said she missed the salad i used to buy for her and it just broke my heart cos everyone else is too busy with jobs and their children, they can't just make a trip specially to get her the salad she likes. i guess at this point all of this is making me feel like it'd be easier to pack up and go home... or maybe it's just an adjustment. I don't know i go back and forth about what to do every other day.
margaritaxmix: Thanks for the hugs and prayers!! I hope things get better soon too but i think it's going to take awhile....
coach4me: Hey! thanks for your well wishes and for empathizing. that whole incident really was traumatizing and started things off on a bad note.... I, too, cannot believe how I've been treated. it's insane.
Pursegrrl: really appreciate your continued support and prayers. I totally appreciate it! I'm SO happy for you about the new job!!
way to go gal!
Kiss Me Deadly: hey gal, hope summer is treating you well! So wish I could be there with you gals right now at the NYC meet up!!!
thanks for the good wishes...
I had lunch with a friend here yesterday and bemoaned about my situation looking for advice but he didn't have any.
boxermom, the concern, thoughts and prayers of all of you are a huge comfort to me. it really helps me so much to feel like i have a support group amongst you gals because I don't have that many friends that i can turn to. You gals are a great comfort to me with your great insights, wisdom and comforting words/hugs. It really helps to have all your continued checking in and support. I wish you were all close by to me =) windycityaj, LOL, you give me too much credit. while i have shared my other experiences here so others can avoid the same mistakes i did, I don't think i'm brave or gracious to be writing about this. you gals are such a huge help and comfort to me. and like i said, i don't really have a real life support group. it really helps for me to be able to write and share with you all and know that some of you are out there supporting me as i go through this insanity.
update on how i'm doing...
I'm less unstable these days, (for now) but i'm not feeling happy here. i don't know why, cos most people would probably be. Still feeling like my heart is not in it but i'm working on the premise that i'm going to plough ahead just to get to the end goal. i think this first month might be the toughest and maybe after that things will get better...?
The weekend has been filled with lots of work to be done and i'm sufficiently stressed. my throat feels very strange and i'm hoping this doesn't mean that my infection is getting worse cos that's what it felt like the first time.
Meanwhile, my dad is dealing with some minor health issues. nothing serious but i worry. My grandma called and said she missed the salad i used to buy for her and it just broke my heart cos everyone else is too busy with jobs and their children, they can't just make a trip specially to get her the salad she likes. i guess at this point all of this is making me feel like it'd be easier to pack up and go home... or maybe it's just an adjustment. I don't know i go back and forth about what to do every other day.
margaritaxmix: Thanks for the hugs and prayers!! I hope things get better soon too but i think it's going to take awhile....
coach4me: Hey! thanks for your well wishes and for empathizing. that whole incident really was traumatizing and started things off on a bad note.... I, too, cannot believe how I've been treated. it's insane.
Pursegrrl: really appreciate your continued support and prayers. I totally appreciate it! I'm SO happy for you about the new job!!
way to go gal! Kiss Me Deadly: hey gal, hope summer is treating you well! So wish I could be there with you gals right now at the NYC meet up!!!
thanks for the good wishes...
Bubbles.......what gives you pleasure? (Besides tPF of course)......can you do something for just YOU? If I was there we'd go out and get pampered...how about some small thing that you can do that isn't expensive? 2006 was a challenging year for me and I couldn't wait for it to be over...it does get better!!
Anne
Anne
Hey windycityaj,
That sounds fun! us going around shopping and getting pampered =) I'm glad 2007 has turned out to be a better year for you! honestly i know this isn't the worst in the world. it's not like i'm homeless, starving, running from plague or anything like that. it just feels terrible and stressful and lost though....
besides tpf and bags and clothes and shoes =) i like the spa, watching movies, baking brownies, sitting out in central park with a book in the fall (but not in NYC now), playing with my doggie (but he's with the evil ex)...
i passed by a spa on sat and my friend was like, mayb you should get a massage. I said, well, at this point it would defeat the purpose cos i would tell the lady, ERM could you pls hurry up cos I've got stuff i need to get done!
i made a point to walk around for an hour on sat, had ice cream and walked around coach
and went for japanese food. but none of that really got me excited. i'll try to continue doing stuff though.... i'm just so stressed and pressed for time and confused right now...
That sounds fun! us going around shopping and getting pampered =) I'm glad 2007 has turned out to be a better year for you!
honestly i know this isn't the worst in the world. it's not like i'm homeless, starving, running from plague or anything like that. it just feels terrible and stressful and lost though.... besides tpf and bags and clothes and shoes =) i like the spa, watching movies, baking brownies, sitting out in central park with a book in the fall (but not in NYC now), playing with my doggie (but he's with the evil ex)...
i passed by a spa on sat and my friend was like, mayb you should get a massage. I said, well, at this point it would defeat the purpose cos i would tell the lady, ERM could you pls hurry up cos I've got stuff i need to get done!
i made a point to walk around for an hour on sat, had ice cream and walked around coach
and went for japanese food. but none of that really got me excited. i'll try to continue doing stuff though.... i'm just so stressed and pressed for time and confused right now...