DD bought Mulberry copy - what to do?
- Thread starter ratrat
- Start date
Ratrat , sorry I'm a little late to this thread but I do have an 18yr old daughter . Again , attended an all girls private day school , so I understand where you're coming from . Competition is incredibly fierce as to who has the latest this that or the other . My girl started with brands such as DKNY etc and I did give her a few of my old bags that I no longer used . She had a Mulberry for her 16th and a LV for her 18th . She is now on a gap year before University and working in HARVEY NICHOLS ! She loves her designers , but has to fund them herself . She is slowly learning the value of money and how long she has to work for these items.
Regarding fakes , I think you are spot on with how you handled it . Believe you me once they get a taste for the real thing there is no way they would get a fake .
It will all work out fine I'm sure .
Regarding fakes , I think you are spot on with how you handled it . Believe you me once they get a taste for the real thing there is no way they would get a fake .
It will all work out fine I'm sure .
^^ Thank you Flossie, I’m so glad to learn I’m not alone! I have 7years to reach your current position…Aghhh.
Report: Overall success with a little twist .
Yesterday evening I gathered some article/photos from Internet about ethical issue & fake bags and sent them to DD’s Housemistress (due to school IT rule) via e-mail, explaining why I wanted her to hand these to DD. Surprisingly Housemistress called back almost immediately. Apparently one mum complained to school(!) & another four expressed concerns to her already.
It happened at school’s organised shopping trip on Sunday, at free standing market stall in the mall. The girls found ‘2 for 3’ bags offer, negotiated with the stall holder to make it ‘8 for 15’ and recruited each other
!! Housemistress said my information & approach were most suited and well constructed (full mark for tPFer’s collective thought) and wanted to use the material for the discussion after supper. I said please do!
So, by the time I called DD, she knows what she had done. In her own words (my inner thoughts) as follows;
“We thought we were clever and cool, I know you don’t approve fakes but I thought I can choose no-fake one carefully (dream on). I didn’t want to be left out of my best friends (this is another issue). I really wanted two pockets one like you had before (ie.Roxy), but I didn’t, did I? I was so happy to start with, cuddling and stroking it like you sometimes do (
), but when Sophie’s Prada Fairly bag’s ‘P’ fell off on Monday, I was beginning to worry" (..I shouldn’t laugh
).
"I was more worried when you didn’t reply my photo message yesterday (good). I thought not buying Fakes are like ‘Snob’ & ‘Looking down poorer people’ (Mmmm additional discussion needed here :s) but now I know how they are made, I don’t want to use mine anymore (success
). But I wasted nearly half of my whole term’s pocket money...sob sob …"(well I’m not offering reimbursement now - rub it in, dear 
)
I was relieved but so exhausted. Meanwhile DH defrosted left over for supper, mumbling ‘Blxxdy bags and women – all in DNA as I said…’. Just before bedtime he started ‘You know all your bags in the attic occupying the space…’. I told him ‘Not today, DARLING!‘. He knows to be quiet when I tell him ‘DARLING:devil:’ in capital letters.
That’s it, BIG THANK YOU again tPFer, I couldn’t have handled this way without your help!!
Report: Overall success with a little twist .
Yesterday evening I gathered some article/photos from Internet about ethical issue & fake bags and sent them to DD’s Housemistress (due to school IT rule) via e-mail, explaining why I wanted her to hand these to DD. Surprisingly Housemistress called back almost immediately. Apparently one mum complained to school(!) & another four expressed concerns to her already.
It happened at school’s organised shopping trip on Sunday, at free standing market stall in the mall. The girls found ‘2 for 3’ bags offer, negotiated with the stall holder to make it ‘8 for 15’ and recruited each other
!! Housemistress said my information & approach were most suited and well constructed (full mark for tPFer’s collective thought) and wanted to use the material for the discussion after supper. I said please do!So, by the time I called DD, she knows what she had done. In her own words (my inner thoughts) as follows;
“We thought we were clever and cool, I know you don’t approve fakes but I thought I can choose no-fake one carefully (dream on). I didn’t want to be left out of my best friends (this is another issue). I really wanted two pockets one like you had before (ie.Roxy), but I didn’t, did I? I was so happy to start with, cuddling and stroking it like you sometimes do (
), but when Sophie’s Prada Fairly bag’s ‘P’ fell off on Monday, I was beginning to worry" (..I shouldn’t laugh). "I was more worried when you didn’t reply my photo message yesterday (good). I thought not buying Fakes are like ‘Snob’ & ‘Looking down poorer people’ (Mmmm additional discussion needed here :s) but now I know how they are made, I don’t want to use mine anymore (success
). But I wasted nearly half of my whole term’s pocket money...sob sob …"(well I’m not offering reimbursement now - rub it in, dear )I was relieved but so exhausted. Meanwhile DH defrosted left over for supper, mumbling ‘Blxxdy bags and women – all in DNA as I said…’. Just before bedtime he started ‘You know all your bags in the attic occupying the space…’. I told him ‘Not today, DARLING!‘. He knows to be quiet when I tell him ‘DARLING:devil:’ in capital letters.
That’s it, BIG THANK YOU again tPFer, I couldn’t have handled this way without your help!!
Excellent news on the DD front - now you have brownie points with the housemistress as being the cool mum who instead of actually whinging took the time to find out relevant info and wanted to empower her daughter with it.
Double success as the Housemistress gets to fend all the awkward questions (if any)
Daughter has learned a valuable lesson too and well done to her for admitting she got caught up in the excitement - good result all round.
Don't worry about the husband it sounds like you have him well trained already , any other issues can be dealt with once you've attended my seminar "What to do when your husband discovers the extent of your bag collection"
I have tips on distraction, avoidance of the issue, suggestions of hiding places for bags, how to doctor your credit card bill using a scanner, techniques such as buying him an extravagant gift to detract from your purchase, how to get him to think buying the bag was all his idea and what a generous loving husband he is and many many more.
Places can be booked in advance and must be paid for in full , the cost of which is £346 a place to be paid as soon as possible ( the red patent bays at Bicester won't be around for ever)
Double success as the Housemistress gets to fend all the awkward questions (if any)
Daughter has learned a valuable lesson too and well done to her for admitting she got caught up in the excitement - good result all round.
Don't worry about the husband it sounds like you have him well trained already , any other issues can be dealt with once you've attended my seminar "What to do when your husband discovers the extent of your bag collection"
I have tips on distraction, avoidance of the issue, suggestions of hiding places for bags, how to doctor your credit card bill using a scanner, techniques such as buying him an extravagant gift to detract from your purchase, how to get him to think buying the bag was all his idea and what a generous loving husband he is and many many more.
Places can be booked in advance and must be paid for in full , the cost of which is £346 a place to be paid as soon as possible ( the red patent bays at Bicester won't be around for ever)
Thanks for reminding me about the chicken !
No problem will keep popping in and out , been very good this morning cleaning the house so have earned a little break whilst having a quick lunch.
I would really & truly appreciate your opinion, ladies! How did/do/will you deal with a teenager-to-be for bag problems??
Background
DD 12yrs old, Boarding at girls school by her own choice. Living with 12-18yrs old girls, she is more aware of fashion inevitably. DD has some Abercrombie cloths, Uggs, brand bags etc. but not many.
Recent repeated conversation going round;
**so and so has five Juicy bags, why cant I have more? - You have to wait for your Bday/Xmas or spend your own pocket money. But they are very expensive. Exactly! Then why Mummy has so many bags? Well, Im an adult, using my own money. (sulk)
**so and sos mummy buys Fake bags for her. Why cant I have Fakes? - Its illegal and Mummy is absolutely against it, you are not allowed to buy fakes with your pocket money either. (sulk)
**so and so is borrowing her mums designer bags all the time. Why cant I take some of your bags to school? I dont want them to be left in your dorm and you are too young anyway. Just enjoy some non-brand ordinary bags. (sulk)
And just 2hours ago, DD sent me a photo via mobile of her new cheap & cheerful bag guess what, it is a copy of Mulberry Knightsbridge (no brass marks). Though I may not know every single designer bag, I feel strongly about LV & Mulberry. I used to have Roxy so DD knows its not Roxy copy, thought its unique with lovely heart shaped details. I havent replied yet, just quietly fuming.
Now the question Im feeling I have said enough NO to her, but;
1. Should I explain it is still a copy but let her keep it - or just keep quiet or order her to bin it? (DH sent me e-mail saying its my DNAs fault)
2. Did I go wrong on any of the conversation above?
3. And ultimately, how old is old enough to borrow/be given my bags if ever (apart from the special occasion) 16? 18?
Many thanks for listening my long grumble back to work for now.
From a teacher in a girls' grammar school....you were right. They are your bags and very expensive , therefore out of bounds ...accidents happen and theft even in the best schools. This is the have it now generation I'm afraid. She can perhaps save up then go to one of the factory shops or a reputable dealer on ebay. I wondered about the Gap bags on there. With regards to fakes ... you could do a psychological trip on the horrors of fakes.. simply becuause they are bad taste e'g fake tan. I blame Mulberry's focus on the youth market. She is already at the school of her choice adn so is very lucky. perhaps let her see how we work and save up for these bags. Moreover i do feel they are slghtly too big and mature forunder 20s at least. She is i suspect under pressure from spoilt girls 'plastics ' as they call themselves and neither she nor you can win that game because it will be designer everything.
Oh Alison123 I didn't know you are teacher! Thank you for your input. I think we had good lesson this time, DD knows we are pushing ourselves to let her board & working hard so far. School seems aware of 'designer brand' competition like Flossie mentioned. We will be out of it! TBH the fact that the girls 'recruited each other' for Bag deal also alerted me quite a bit though.
Hopefully DD will remember this incident for a long time. I shall remind her about how quickly 'P' fell out of her friend's Prada Bag - if she ever forget!
Hopefully DD will remember this incident for a long time. I shall remind her about how quickly 'P' fell out of her friend's Prada Bag - if she ever forget!
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I have a 13 year old daughter, so can completely appreciate what you are going through!
She has asked to borrow my Chanel bags and I have said no every time (I do let her use an Anthony messenger when she takes her bike out, as it is the perfect size for a phone - I never used it as it was too small for me, but she certainly treats it no different to a River Island messenger as she is just too young to understand)
I calmly explained that when I was growing up I had no luxuries, I had one pair of shoes for schools AND for going out lol, and that is why I love my bags and shoes now and appreciate them so much.
If we give them what they think they "want" now, what are we leading them into?
When they fly the nest, the first few years are going to be so very very difficult that designer bags are going to be a pipe dream for a good few years, so I personally do not want my daughter to get "used" to using them now, because how will she then finance them herself in her late teens and early twenties when image is everything?
It is a tiny percentage of girls of early teens who would know a real bag from a copy. So I wonder if when they see the, say Birkin style bags in stores, they just buy them because they look nice, not even thinking it is an homage to something else! Most girls are sheep and just want to be like everybody else. My theory is, if enough girls are buying 10 pound tote bags, then our daughters would want one too! Its that acceptance thing, and fitting in thing I guess.
Bottom line, if she has paid for this bag herself and it is a fake (not a "similar" style from a store), its not going to last too long and she will rue buying it and wasting her money! Sometimes this is enough to stop them from making the same mistake again!
Interestingly though, our daughter attends a private school, and with the fees the way they are, very few girls do carry designer bags, as most parents are struggling to hit the fees every year, without the added worry of buying designer bags for them too! - It is often the state schools where the problems lie, as there is more "ready" money available from those lucky parents that do not have the worry of school fees
and compensate with more expensive items for their children.
She has asked to borrow my Chanel bags and I have said no every time (I do let her use an Anthony messenger when she takes her bike out, as it is the perfect size for a phone - I never used it as it was too small for me, but she certainly treats it no different to a River Island messenger as she is just too young to understand)
I calmly explained that when I was growing up I had no luxuries, I had one pair of shoes for schools AND for going out lol, and that is why I love my bags and shoes now and appreciate them so much.
If we give them what they think they "want" now, what are we leading them into?
When they fly the nest, the first few years are going to be so very very difficult that designer bags are going to be a pipe dream for a good few years, so I personally do not want my daughter to get "used" to using them now, because how will she then finance them herself in her late teens and early twenties when image is everything?
It is a tiny percentage of girls of early teens who would know a real bag from a copy. So I wonder if when they see the, say Birkin style bags in stores, they just buy them because they look nice, not even thinking it is an homage to something else! Most girls are sheep and just want to be like everybody else. My theory is, if enough girls are buying 10 pound tote bags, then our daughters would want one too! Its that acceptance thing, and fitting in thing I guess.
Bottom line, if she has paid for this bag herself and it is a fake (not a "similar" style from a store), its not going to last too long and she will rue buying it and wasting her money! Sometimes this is enough to stop them from making the same mistake again!
Interestingly though, our daughter attends a private school, and with the fees the way they are, very few girls do carry designer bags, as most parents are struggling to hit the fees every year, without the added worry of buying designer bags for them too! - It is often the state schools where the problems lie, as there is more "ready" money available from those lucky parents that do not have the worry of school fees
and compensate with more expensive items for their children.
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Yes I totally agree Chloe-babe, thank you, and hopefully DD has learnt this.
It's so good to be able to talk here, I know I can't bring this out to my usual friends - OK I love bags but it's my own right and has to be separated from DD - very hard to explain, really.
BTW since you mentioned, I know some State school mum friend spent £800+ at one Abercrombie & fitch shopping trip - she told me it's 'must' uniform (DD in 6th form) apparently...
